jealous

I don't have a sister, but it is my sister-in-law(husband's younger sister) that I'm jealous of. She's five years younger than me. She got married a few months after my husband and I and she's also successful. She has her master's in psychology and got excellent grades and has a job now that's a great career with what she studied and she loves it. She's always been successful. I've always struggled in life and in school. I feel like a failure 'cause I dropped out of college for awhile(it's my much older brother who is successful) but went back and finally finished college with a certificate in billing and coding, but ended up working for only a year as a telemarketer, which was a rough job. My sister-in-law got done with college before my husband and I. I'm currently unemployed and still looking. I love my sis-in-law but I've always been jealous of her. She's the youngest, has two older brothers, my husband is the oldest, but she's the most successful of the three. My husband is done with college but he's still working in retail and is looking for a better job. My sis-in-law's husband is also very successful with a good job, and he and my sis-in-law are the cutest couple ever. He's a great guy. They don't have serious fights and they both have fun together and her husband does a lot of romantic, cute and affectionate things for her. I love my husband, he's my best friend, but like me, he's shy so we look awkward when we're in public and he's not as affectionate. We've also had our heated fights, esp. about my parents and family. Also I grew up with strict, overprotective parents, who hated my now husband at first. My husband still hates my parents even though my parents are trying to be nice to him now. My husband isn't very close with my parents, and doesn't know my brother, sis-in-law and my nephew or my extended family members, they all live far. My brother and his wife I don't think cares to meet my husband anyway. I don't think my husband cares to meet my other family members or try to be closer to my parents. My sister-in-law is close with her husband's parents,his brother and sister-in-law and nephew and family members. I love my husband's parents, they are nice and are a lot different from my parents, my brother-in-law isn't close with my husband and his sister or I, 'cause he's the middle child and has even more serious jealousy issues of his siblings and is shy, he's still single too. My parents didn't approve of my husband and I's wedding at first, esp. my dad. So we had a small wedding, no one on my side(except my parents) was there. Just husband's. Sis-in-law's wedding was much bigger, with lots of people on both sides. There wasn't any drama beforehand and everything was perfect. My husband and I were engaged for three years before we married, we were still in a long-distance relationship, my parents were against it and we had to get done with school. Sister-in-law and her husband were engaged for a year before they wed, and everybody was happy and supportive of them, and they were done with school. My sister-in-law has done a lot more in life than me and my husband. Sure, she's had problems in the early years of her high school years but that was it for problems and she got help, with her parents' help and support. And she still did well in school. She used to be shy and introverted(I thought she hated me when I first met her 'cause she didn't talk to me) but became more outgoing and social in college. She and her husband never went through the obstacles of being together like my husband and i have, due to my parents giving us problems, me flunking out of college and we were in a long-distance relationship for awhile. It just seems that things come easily to her and her husband. My husband reminds me that she's(and her husband) a hard worker, which is true, that helped her to get to where she is now, but it still seems to come easy for her. When I try to make something work, it seems to fail or it was a big mistake. My husband and I want kids someday, but not soon 'cause I'm unemployed now and we don't have a lot of money. My sis-in-law and her husband are financially comfortable now but claim they don't want kids. My husband says they could change their mind about kids 'cause right now they're focused on their careers and have stable jobs for support of kids, and he said his cousin didn't want kids, she was focused on her career too but than now she and her husband have kids so things changed. So now I'm worried that what if my sis-in-law and her husband change their minds and they will have kids before my husband and I do? It makes me kinda sad. I wish my husband and I could be better off financially so we can go on vacations and get a house and start a family sooner. My sis-in-law and her husband are already currently looking for houses, they've gone on vacations and love life. My husband gets moody sometimes 'cause of stress at work and he easily gets moody. Also, my sister-in-law is pretty, has big, blue eyes, and perfectly tweezed eyebrows, she's short, an inch shorter than me but has a nice little body and is very stylish and feminine. She also has such cute little sexy feet, which I wish I had(my feet are ugly and bigger, wide and have bunions, ha). I can't wear sexy heels like my sis-in-law does. She's also very sassy, independent and funny. Though my husband is funnier(when he's not being shy, when he's around friends, who think he's funny as hell,lol). My sis-in-law also isn't super sensitive like me, she says she also doesn't like overly sentimental things. I'm very shy and insecure, I'm kinda grungy and not stylish at all. Yes I'm sensitive and sentimental. I've gained a lot of weight so I'm overweight and chubby for my height. I've always hated my smaller, slanty eyes, fuzzy eyebrows and chubby baby face and double chin.It doesn't help either that my husband's ex, who is three years younger than my husband and four years younger than me, is hotter than me but I won't get into that. And I have a tendency to be dependent, and that's probably due to how I was raised. My husband and siblings weren't raised to be dependent and were raised to make up their own minds and decisions. Also my sister-in-law has wonderful friends that she bonds with like sisters. Her maid-of-honor was her best friend and "sister" since kindergarten. I'm unhappy with my friends, one of my friends is married to my husband's friend, and she's bossy and mean, I have another friend, who is friends with my husband and then me, but I don't bond with her like that either. I think she likes my husband more than she likes me. She's also friends with the wife of my husband's friend, so she's also being pestered by my husband's friend's wife. I have one friend who is always flakey and doesn't understand me, and my husband's friend's wife doesn't like her despite not knowing her. I had to make my sis-in-law my maid-of-honor because my flakey friend backed out of being maid-of-honor, and I didn't want my other friends to be maid-of-honor. And other "friends" I have live far. I don't have any real friends, they are mostly fake. I wish I had the real and close "sisterly" friends my sis-in-law has. What doesn't help is that I'm not close with my sister-in-law. My husband isn't close with her either. My husband and his siblings aren't close with each other and have their own lives and own friends. They're all different from each other and don't have much in common. I grew up really close with my brother, who is old enough to be my dad, though now we're not that close but my brother is overprotective of me like my dad is. My sister-in-law grew up not being protected by her brothers, and her dad isn't overprotective either. My sister-in-law, also her husband, are more mature than my husband and I, and husband and I's friends. I wish my husband and I could be grownup like that. Even weirder, it seems that my friend who is married to my husband's friend, plus my friend, who was friends with my husband first, seem a little jealous of my sister-in-law, and they've only seen each her a few times, but they have her as a friend on fb. Both my friends(esp. the one who was friends with my husband first before being friends with me, I think she used to have a crush on my husband back then, lol) love my husband for his extremely crazy humor, but don't seem to appreciate my sister-in-law either. They love my mom and dad-in-law for being so sweet, and they haven't met my husband's brother nor do they care. My husband and I's friends are even more outgoing and social than my sis-in-law but like me, they're not stylish, my husband's friend's wife is girly but not stylish and my husband and I's friend is a little girly but tomboyish and overweight like me. Plus my husband's friend and his wife have up and down marital problems and fights, and other girl has a good boyfriend now but is divorced and had problems with guys and has depression problems and is sensitive and emotional. Both girls are insecure. So I could see why they also feel threatened by my sis-in-law, even though they adore my husband and his parents. It didn't help either that my ex-boyfriend used to hit on her back when I was dating him and he used to hang out with my now husband. This was when my ex was 18 and she was almost 15. She didn't like him back but it made me a bit jealous 'cause he seemed more interested in her than in me. Okay I better stop writing now. I feel better now. At the same time, I feel guilty too. Sorry for this extra long rant. Glad there are others I can relate to.                         


 

closer closer
31-35, F
3 Responses May 25, 2012

Hi guys, thanks so much for your responses. Things have gotten better, the husband and I have a baby boy. I have been dealing with some health issues like with my bladder and my spine, but it's been great being a mommy! My sister-in-law is also thrilled to be an aunt, also my parents and my husband's parents are happy to be grandparents.

I'm sorry you are feeling so jealous, my dear! It's normal to feel jealous about other people in our lives, but focusing too much on what you are envious about in others can be destructive to your own sanity and self-esteem. <br />
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You need to focus on you! Start by focusing on what you like about yourself and what you are grateful for. Next, focus on ways you can improve yourself (learning about nutrition and eating better, taking classes to further your knowledge in a field you were always interested in or naturally good at?).<br />
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Unhappy people are more prone to jealousy, so start by focusing on the positive in your life and on making small changes and you will start to feel better soon. I promise. <br />
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Believe me, I've been in your shoes myself. I also have close relationships with a "beautiful" and "successful" mother-in-law and sister-in-law. I use quotes because you must remember that all opinions are subjective. The person you might find "pretty" is maybe just "average" to another and remember there are more ways of measuring beauty then conventional standards! The same goes for success. <br />
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Did you know that some people consider the most successful people to be those who have had to overcome many obstacles in life but still never gave up? People who did not have everything come to them easily but rather improved themselves despite life being much harder for them?<br />
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The only way to live a healthy life is to focus on yourself rather than others, and to not be so hard on yourself! I repeat: do not be so judgmental towards yourself. Practice loving yourself instead. I know it takes time, but soon with self-love and self focus your happiness with increase and your jealousy will decrease. <br />
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Try this exercise for self-love and acceptance:<br />
Breathe in and think "acceptance."<br />
Breathe out and think "______" (your name) <br />
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Hope this post helps! If it does be sure to leave me a comment below. :)<br />
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Best wishes, <br />
ourladyofhearts

My name is Michelle and I work at the Steve Harvey Show. We are looking for stories about siblings. If you are interested, please contact me at michelle.barnard@steveharveytv.com

Sometimes i feel the same sister. I found one true happiness in my life through Jesus Christ my Saviour. Sometimes i feel so down watching my sister go on vacation and enjoy her life with her cute baby and i feel like a total loser. All i do is I completely pour out my heart to God and before you know it your pain and depression is all gone. There is One true person who loves us more than anyone else. I invite you to call on his name and he will answer you and change your life.

By the way how are you doing now? How's life?