Jealous Of So Many Things
Posted October 9th, 2011 at 7:51PM
By the way, the reasons our parents don’t approve is because he is 6 months younger then I am, and because his parents wanted him to marry a girl they knew, and also my dad wanted me to marry a guy he knew. But since we both refused, they accused us of going against their wills and therefore losing their support for this marriage. Needless to say, this causes him and I to fight all the time!
So back to my jealousy:
I’m jealous of all the girls who are especially younger than I am (I am 25) and haven’t been in their relationships for nearly as long as I have, yet they get married. I am also jealous of all my friends who have babies and I keep telling myself I need to get myself an entire new set of friends, ones who don’t have kids and are not married. I’m also jealous of people who have good jobs and a good income. Although I attend an Ivy League University, and I know a lot of people envy me for that, but really they shouldn’t. I am deep in debt, and have no idea how I will pay them off when I graduate because jobs are not always guaranteed.
I feel jealous that my sisters and friends who work can buy whatever they want and I have to worry about paying my loans and I don’t even have a job at the moment because I can’t handle that plus school. I don’t envy them, I don’t want their happiness to go away, I just simply want to be happy like they are with the love of my life. My jealousy has caused me to really lose some friends because when my friends go out they like to spend on clothes and food and I always feel depressed afterwards because I can’t spend like they do, and also since I cannot afford their luxuries, I just stay home so I won’t feel awkward. This is killing me, I mean I can’t even look at my married friends and sisters without feeling stabs of jealousy and crying. Its stressing me so much that I’ve been breaking out for so long and I can’t control myself anymore. I just needed to vent.
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I went to an Ivy league too and maybe this is just my bitterness but I feel like it has been more of a detriment to me than a benefit. People think I am so lucky or accomplished to have gone to such a good school, but i feel like it just made me miserable and hasn't paid off for me financially.
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Exactly! I don't know why they don't believe us when we say it was a miserable experience?? They just say "well at least you resume says you graduated from so and so" UGH -
I know. Its like it was supposed to be so great and we were supposed to be so privileged and now we can get in anywhere. Some I my friends still believe they're better than other people because of where they graduated, and I guess if I felt that way it would be worth it, but too bad I don't sEe it that way.
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Everything has it's time under the sun.
1. Time to finish school
2..Time to find a job.
3. Time to get married and have kids.
Is not a race, but when you get there you'll be prepared. Your friends might not even be as happy as they pretend to be. -
Still voice offered you good advice. You are young, and there is plent of time ahead to sort things out. I was much like you when I was near the end of my college years. Frustrated, anxious and in a hurry to move ahead. Finances were tight until I was out of school. I got a job almost imediately. Married at 23, and kids by 25. It was too quick, especially for my wife (and she was the one in a hurry to get married). We did make it work, but it would have been far easier if we had both experienced some time on our own first. Don't be in such a rush (hind sight is always 20-20). As to the parents and the boy friend issue, give them time. They'll come around, and they'll eventually realize it is your life (not there's). Good luck, kiddo.
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