Jealousy Good Bad And Ugly

Intro:

Recently someone asked me to write about Jealousy, and so i started thinking about me and how jealousy i used to be, and still am sometimes...

There are many different forms of Jealousy, sometimes its envy over someone, maybe they have a better job, more money, maybe they just got luckier than you... Some of it attributes to bullying. A lot of kids who are bullies have a really tough life at home, and take it out on kids who they are "jealous" of. A lot of the time, we attribute jealousy to relationships.

Jealousy like depression and anxiety, it makes us do some pretty dumb things some times, from silly arguments to abuse both physical and emotional... It's like a ball of energy inside you that makes you so upset or confused... and you want to explode...

Before I can break down Jealousy, let me tell you a story about myself, and we can use that as an example.

It was October, and I was a young man dating a beautiful woman who worked at the movie theater at a nearby mall. It was great because we had lots of free dates :) Anyway, some times i like to surprise here when I am at home and she was at work...
This day I went over to her favorite chocolate store and got her a box. I wanted to surprise her with it so i snuck into the movie theater to see what she was up to...
To my discomfort she was talking to one of the guys she was working with. She said he was annoying, but there she was hanging out with him...
Maybe she said that because she liked him? No way... i thought she liked me! I he might be good looking but not as smart... And then they started laughing... my blood was boiling... are the flirting!! are they joking about me?! come on this is crazy! I got these chocolates...

I assumed she liked him and stormed over there, dropped the chocolates on the counter and walked off.

It was like a two year old throwing a fit... She called for me to come and i just walked off.. We did not talk for a while after that. And then of course like all young relationships it faded away.

But there is a good example we can go with.

1) What triggers your jealousy?
For this example, she was being happy, talking to another male. And since I was not confident in my self, I made the assumption she liked him. This made me upset and very insecure..
What about you? What is your reason? And what does it have to do with you? Find the source of jealousy will usually help you prevent triggers that are false alarms (like my own) and allow you to better cope with it before you explode like I did.

2) Good Triggers for Jealousy.
Lets pretend the guy was an ex boyfriend, who she said she had some feelings for. Lets add that she kissed him once while we were dating. And after we talked about it, she promised she would make sure not to be alone with him or to talk to him while we were dating out of respect.

So now instead of just Jealousy, I have a red flag, this is your mind warning you that this is not a good situation. And you need to know the truth on her feelings because its not fair to anyone to be in a love triangle right?

If a man got got texting girl in a flirting manner, and his wife tells him he needs to stop because its going to ruin the marriage... shes in the right for this kind of behavior...

You need to take a step back and look at the big picture without your emotions. Some times that feeling is really telling you something is wrong.

Some times its okay to be a little jealous of something small, just because you like him and its normal. its the ACTIONS that are taken that is what jealous is all about.. Your feelings you get, its normal, healthy. Its how you deal with it that is the key.

3) The Jealous storm..
When they laughed.. I'm thinking the worse, like they are in love and are kissing or something! I feel betrayed and hurt and abused... arrghh!

But you know what? This wild emotion and fear I have... it comes from no truth or evidence.. I am making assumptions.. Is it fair for me to be upset that she talks and laughs with other men? No matter what was going in in front of me.. all i saw was exaggerated pain. Created from my own self doubt.

This is just like depression preventing you from being happy when you get those moods, or anxiety stopping you from focusing.. It just overwhelms your senses and makes you lose control.

4) The aftermath

I lost that relationship pretty quick after that, Most women and men,, don't like someone who is going to be insecure and possessive. It makes it hard for them to enjoy their independence of being themselves when you are not around... Its like being stalked almost.. When you are a couple, why should either party walk on egg shells?

5) Preventing the storm.

My storm came because of my insecurities. I did not find myself worthy of her. Generally speaking people in a relationship, are not looking for someone else next. That is until you push them away with these sort of storms... When the grass is green, give it water, don't stomp on it!

Because we have had red flags in the past, or maybe we were blind sided, we have these fears... but the problem is, it makes it unfair to other person who has no reason to be judged that way right?

I Still get jealous some times.. but i remind myself, look we are happy now, she has done nothing to harm me... and she's happy. Whats the big deal? Lets just pretend that my fears are true, I move on and find someone who i can trust.

You need to love yourself, and when you see yourself with that person, you need to see how happy he is, and you are.. it is real. its special. You cannot love anyone until you love yourself.

Why does that work? because when you don't love yourself, you doubt when others love you... that doubt? Thats right festers like anxiety into jealous "storms"

6) Taking care of yourself.

Like I said before, eating right and exercise.. meditation and music. they play huge roles and gaining confidence and just making you feel good. finding things that make you happy and seeing yourself as wonderful as you are makes a big difference.

He or she is with you for a reason. Until the prove untrustworthy. You should give them their space and know that they are LUCKY to have you and should work hard to keep you.

If they don't respect that? if they give red flags? Its time to look deeper into if you want to keep this relationship.

Because nothing is going to be stable without trust.

7) On the receiving end!

I know its hard to put up with jealousy... and if it gets bad, GET OUT..
I never condone any sort of abuse of any kind.. But if your man or woman... if they are a little jealous, its okay.. it shows they like you and want to keep you with them.. A lack of jealousy completely can be a little off too!

If someone is being jealous and it is sort of getting bad, like my storm off.. You can read through this and see what is triggering it, be supportive and help them out, show them your love and that you care, but they need to trust you. Time fixes these things usually ;)

So while I am addressing jealousy and harmful.. We all get jealous some times..

Thank you so much...

Greg
deleted deleted
26-30
7 Responses Jan 19, 2013

Women can have every part of their bodies sergically altered, have babies, wear makeup, use colors, and vote.... men have 50% fo what women have.... and it still never seems to be enough for many (not all women)

this was really great

Hey, Greg, I have seen so many relationships die due to jealousy, and while I can somewhat understand it, I have been lucky enough to not experience it. Even within my marriage. My husband knows that I get along with men a lot better than I do with women. They just fit my personality better. I'm actually uncomfortable around other women. I'd rather be with the guys, watching football and shooting the **** that sitting around discussing things I'm not interested in, like shopping, make up, and hair salons. He knows that, and is good with it. And when I see him talking to a woman who's much prettier than me (in most cases, as I'm not a very beautiful woman), I'm okay with it, because I know that he's coming home with me. Not with her. Hell, I even yell out "blonde alert" when I see a pretty girl walking down the street. lol

To me, human is human is human. We all exist, we all need to co-exist. Men and women, together. As you've seen in my other notes, I have way more to worry about than my husband smiling at or talking to another woman. And if something more happens between them, it's only because she can give him something I can't and I know that.

I have way more to worry about than jealousy right now, and that is taking care of myself. I need to concentrate on this hole in my heart, about trying to revitalize my soul that's been dead for 30 years, not about who my husband is talking to. As long as we go home together, that's really all that matters to me at this stage in my life.

Thanks, honey. xo

I can agree with you at points. But what about you being Paranoid? Cause that's the biggest thing in your story, and that triggers your jealousy
You have an idea, a lingering thought, cant get rid of it, and you only make it worst... just like a snowball!!

My husband had no need to be jealous but was so insecure that he locked me in when he went out. Needless to say, I left him. Some people let jealousy rule and ruin their lives.

cool, this has really helped me to think about some things. thank U so much, for sharing your insight.

Hi Greg
That was really very good. Thank you