Some Page From The Diary Of Lonely Damned Soul

Who am I? I am nothing out of ordinary and by far not extradionary. Standing 5'7 158 pounds one might of say just a runt... at least compared to my ancestors. I was born in Moscow Russia and moved to United States when I was 12 years old. My parents have always been with good morals and are highly productive members of society.
As teenager and young adult I lived carefree life. I am avid skydiver, scuba diver, and dirt bike racer. I can easily live outdoors since I am good with compound bow and firearms. I spent sometime living in Siberian Ural Mauntains where I hunted for small game for food on daily basis. I had small stint as amateur MMA fighter for year and a half. I am avid about medicine and every thing medical. I went to college to become doctor in the future. When I was 18, I joined US Army not even finishing high school yet for having something to tell to my grandchildren one day. I served with distinctinction in combat In Ramadi Iraq as machine gunner, grenadier and designated marksman. I came back home and joined Reserves as Combat Medic to help the country in time of crisis. I also worked as Corrections Officer, Security Guard, Nurse Assistant and volunteered at times as Firefighter. Yet the life had quite other surprises for me.

In 2010 I was arrested for DUI. I pled guilty and got convicted. While on probation I met woman who had DWI in my alcohol management class for getting high on drugs. Things seemed to be pretty normal when we first began having intimate relationship. In two months later in our relationship my ex's strange behavior began to surface. My cellphone began to dissapear and my female friends and cooworkers began being blocked. My ex began constantly accausing me of cheating and lieing to her. There was no one to cheat on on the first place but for some reason she would come up with craziest ideas such as me cheating on her with my company captain who is stationed in Hawaii or my fellow combat medic friend stationed in Indiana. My ex took my car without my premission and wrecked it while I was on military deployment sometime in November. It was found out that my ex license was suspended and she was promptly put in jail for failing to appear in court. I bailed her out without even thanks. The same day she got convicted, she had seizure while in grocery store, she began aspirating since her tongue prolapsed. Using my EMT skills I saved my ex's life. three weeks later she attempted to commit suicide and slit her own wrists. Yet again I was there for her. Few days later I found out she defaulted payments on her car loan and yet again, putting myself in debt I saved my ex from bankrupcy. In jannuary 2012 my ex was caught for her second DUI when she got high on prescription yet again. She was so high that police could not take her to the drunk tank and left her in Emergency Room. After picking her up,  I brought her to her car and told her we needed to be away from each other for sometime. At that moment my ex stole my credit card. I confronted her about it and yet forgave her.

On February 9th 2012 we was sitting on the bed as we typically did every night. My ex began accusing me of cheating yet again. She demanded to see my facebook messages. She found no evidence of cheating but found one of my friend girls calling her psycho after discussing with her wether did I or not made mistake of giving my ex another chance. Turned out it was. My ex started walking around them room yelling and throwing things at me. I calmly picked up my stuff, got up and said "it is over. I am leaving." As I was walking out my exblocked the door attacked me. She slammed my own laptop in my hands into my face and knocked my belongings out of my hands. She slapped me. I staggered backwards. As my belongings fell out of my hands, I tried to calm my ex down. Unfortunately calming down psychopath is equivalent of trying to stop an oncoming train and my ex grabbed me by my ear on one side and with other hand dragged her nails down my cheek leaving large gash on the side of my face and attempted to punch me. Seeing no other way out I pushed my ex onto the bed that was near by. My ex was still holding onto me and since I was also standing on the bedsheet on the side of the bed, we crashed like the sack of bricks. After altercation was over and I let go of my ex, she picked up her cellphone and threatened to call the police if I'll leave. I said why would you call the police if you started this? Her reply was "So is this over then?" I said "Yes it is and I am leaving." I picked up my belongings and proceeded to walk away. My ex called the police and so did I seeing her doing that. At the door my ex asked for her keys and I gave them away to her. After police arrived I was arrested and put in jail.

Several months have passed since incident. My ex is getting away scott free and began to spread the rumors of bloodthirsty psychopath ex boyfriend. The police did not believe me of what I told them, claiming that as man I shouldn't be beating women even when blocked and attacked. They looked at injuries on both of us and simply decided it was worth to take the man to jail than woman. find no justice in this country anymore and began being disillusioned with what is being claimed the greatest "justice system in the world." Apparently justice in United States does not stand for "Fair".

After seven years in the military and four years of medical work, my superiors who was fully aware of my true character and  pushed for honorable discharge. As of may 22 2012 I have been out of the military. Many have explained their sadness for my leave. Many offered to be character witnesse son my stand including two of my ex girlfriends who served with me. My wonderful lawyer who is also US Army Ranger and Major in Infanry unit caught my ex on multiple counts of prejury, not to mention on the theft of my credit card when taking her deposition. It was discovered as well that my ex put two other people behind the bars in the past in similar incidents as mine, where her ex husband plead down to disturbing peace (from domestic assault) and violation of protection order, and her ex boyfriend before me who had also been convicted of domestic assault and had three restraining orders placed on him. Her ex husband commited sucide and she told me before that she was talking to him just hours before he died.Yet despite all of this, I am the loser here. 
As of this time period I am at loss. From arrest to my statement to police, to physical evidence and admission that there was altercation between us they have enough evidence to convict me for I do not have 15000 dollars to afford psychiatrist, forensic analyst, and forensic certified doctor to testify on my behalf while the state of Nebraska have all financial resources available to them. Furthermore prosecutor suppressed the evidence of my ex's mental history of her borderline personality disorder and pathological lieing.

Here I stand. Not extradionary man, 28 year old who traveled over 30% of the world on military deployments. I have snowboarded in Alps in Austria and lived through rainy days of Baumholder Germany. I had seen Eifel Tower of Paris and spent nights partying in Amsterdam. I've enjoyed fine Irish Whiskey cup on St. Patrick's day in Dublin and watched soccer hooligans go at it in old timey fashion in Nottingham UK. I've spent good portion bringing Ukrainian, Georgian, and Russian soldiers closer to American ones in Graffenwehr in field excercises and acting as liason inbetween. I ate fugu in Japan and enjoyed it, despite the cost of 200 dollars and chance of being poisoned to death. I got kicked in the chest by cangaroo while in the field, training with Australian soldiers. I visited Egypt and took pictures on the front of pyramid Giza while on humanitarian mission in Egypt before all hell broke loose. I ate on the dare live pieces of squid while being briefly stationed in South Korea.
Yet after all of these experiences as of present I am 28 year old who is stuck living with his parents or in his car in Lincoln Nebraska. My life have been ruined by one person who lied about me, and gotten away it.
Before my charge I thought that only criminals and murderers needed to join French Foreign Legion. Why in the world would someone like me even consider it? Why throw down with the rest of lowly, dishonorable lot in the army that have subpar pay, equipment ,and physical beatings on daily basis?
"Freedom" the only word that rang in my mind. Freedom from opression of rights taken away from me on follow up future wrongful conviction. Freedom of choice to be military man and man of medicine yet again become Combat Medic the "Doc" again in French Foreign Legion. I hold no ill will towards my ex or State of Nebraska. I will serve whatever sentence that will be imposed on me and I will not run away. Yet I am disillusioned and broken. I have to take the cup of sorrows passed to me from a man in French Foreign Legion if I will be offered one and share his sorrows with me.
Thus my new chapter in life begins as I begin my training for FFL selection in Aubagne after my imposed sentence. From US Army soldier, Combat Medic, MMA fighter, Corrections Officer, traveler and adventurer, man of medicine, and now convicted criminal to the future French Foreign Legionaire.

Once you lose everything, you are free to do anything.
Caliell Caliell
26-30, M
1 Response Jun 9, 2012

I really do empathize on your situation, I too was a Corpsman, got out, and had a sociopathic ex-girlfriend who put me through the ringer. My life fell apart. I've contemplated joining the FFL for the last couple of years, had money saved up to go, just never pulled the trigger. <br />
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If you are there in Aubagne, I wish you the best - I hope you excel in your new life!