The Dark Place

My worst enemy is my mind.
SomewhereTomorrow SomewhereTomorrow
18-21, F
5 Responses Jul 13, 2010

Control over emotions I have found is better than the thoughts. Thoughts will come and go whether they be good bad evil harmoneous or whatever. emotions and how we reveal them to ourselves and others is admitting things get to us and how we want others to see us or how we want to see ourselves.<br />
Purpose...unfortunately your path may not be revealed as soon as you like. i had to wait many years for mine. and now here i am full circle waiting for a new purpose.<br />
I know not knowing right now suks. i ve been there. and as my own situation becomes abusive the noose grows tighter and I become more desparate. <br />
I dont have the amigic word to say hocus pocus..problem solved...<br />
i can say you wont slug through the wall of thorns of uncertainty alone.

I wish I could have control over my thoughts. God knows how hard I have tried. I also want to know if my life has a purpose. If yes, what is it? Is it good or bad? It would be better for me to find the answer soon, otherwise I would just go die because I couldn't wait any longer.

mmm. to be in control...in control of negativity ; to turn it on and off when I want...to hold a grudge as long as I want. I hate as intense as I want to know I can control the hate (not the situation that brought it) but control the hate. I control the appetite for destruction. i let it run free it it wants. i let it lash free consuming all in its' path, and if I want a little sting to remind me how dangerous it is, I keep my hand over the flame, just... a little longer. control.<br />
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and my hero...the good person who has everything and nothing. a million tools and no job. a giant heart, just stuck or rather nailed to a shelf. i cant get off this stupid shelf... i want to be like everyone else. i want to have purpose.<br />
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yeah...sometimes...for me...like that.

I feel like I am two people stuck in one body-one holds grudges and wants to destroy everything including myself while the other wants to be a moral and caring person who is eager for an ordinary/a normal life.

If the Mind is the Enemy; where/who is the fighting/defeated heroine/hero?