Smile

It can come at any time and catch you at the worst moments. It can't be stopped and it doesn't let you go until it's satisfied. These thoughts grab you and wrap around you like an iron maiden, forcing you into whatever position it wants under threat of pain. It then takes your vision from you and replaces it with what it wants you to see. So, unable to fight back, you are forced to sit there for an undefined amount of time as your vision and thoughts are taken over. You see things that you don't remember, only knowing that they are terrifying. And they're terrifying because they're actually scary; but because they are flashing by so quickly, so vividly, and so out of control that you can't help but be scared. You become an observer to your own mind as it takes over and flashes everything before you with no regard to the road you're driving on or the dreams you're trying to sleep to. You lose control of your mind to your mind.

As the thoughts fly past you think very little. The only thoughts you're able to conjure are "What's going on?," "Why can't I stop it?," or "When will this end?" And, worst of all, you don't know the answer to any of them. So the thoughts flash by, so surreal and visceral that while it's happening you can no longer distinguish what's real from what's not. You look at your past as the thoughts go by and you cant distinguish dreams from reality, day-dreams from the day to day, and the night terrors from the nights alone. Suddenly, everything shatters and you lose your sanity fro a moment or two as everything blurs. Everything seems real and you're not even in your own head anymore; but watching as it all happens in front of you. You still experience the crushing emotion and agony at the loss of your own mind, but you feel separate. You still feel your mind going crazy from losing control of itself to itself and you still see everything you thought was fake as completely real; but you're not really there.

As the feeling fades things start coming into focus. The line between dream and reality slowly comes back into focus and things start making sense again. Your mind relinquishes its control of itself back to itself and you regain, if only temporarily control. The feelings of terror slowly fade, but never quite disappear. So then you continue to go about your day as if nothing happened. You leave everyone oblivious to the fact that your mind wages war with itself for itself, and just smile instead.
FreeOrAlive FreeOrAlive
22-25, M
Jul 24, 2012