Erggghhh

Why can't I tell you how much I try everyday in my life to be with you. I don't feel like my life is worth living. Who wants to hear voices telling them that they are anything but human or worth a damn. Why would I want to live when I am afraid every day for those around me because I see the demons we have among us. When I am in constant battle every day and it hurts. It hurts more than you know. I feel I am the reason that the people I love die and hurt and suffer because I won't fallow the rule. Where I have to work hard everyday to make you feel like I can be somewhat normal for you. Why can't you see that I cant get help till you get your ******* license back because I have to drive your *** everywhere because you were irresponsible. If I go on meds that can maybe help ease me a bit then I can't drive you because that is dangerous. I put you before me every day. every ******* day. I don't want to live like this, but I live every day in a battle because you are what matters to me. I would try or give up I don't know with out you. I want you to man up and take care of your **** so I can have a chance at being normal. I am sorry I ******* love you to much that I can't take care of myself because its about you. your family for holidays, your family all the time, you, you ,you ,you ,you. It is all because I love you and you don't see it. All you wanna do is play playstation. And get weird when your friends come around. How do I deserve that. What makes you think I do. You wonder why I get angry or testy, because I am making sure your life stays on track that I can't help mine. What more do you want. Is it really that bad I want a ******* apology when you hurt my feelings. You can be amazing at time but you can also be so ******* cruel and you don't even know. Dammit. Open your eyes and see me. Like really really see me and know I can't do it by myself. I am drowning. I am loosing this battle and I need you. You are so caught up with other **** you can see sitting right next to me. I can't tell you that you are the only thing keeping me here on this earth because then you will feel obligated, but I can't tell you that you are hurting me either because then you will leave. I just want you to see I am not ok. I only fool you in pretending. I know it is my own fault but my god man.... See me.
LostJoe LostJoe
22-25, F
Dec 3, 2012