My Story

I was born into the church. At the time my mom was inactive and a my dad was a nonmember. Some of my earliest memories are going to church with my grandma, but not my mom. My mom had some distaste for the church. She had gotten pregnant before my parents got married because my dad had cancer. They were told if you want kids try now or adopt later. In my parents eyes I am their miracle. My mom was disfellowshipped for four years because she got pregnant. Her bishop would call her almost weekly asking if she was going to give me up for adoption.
When I was about 5 my mom started going back to church. My dad even came and was baptized a few years later. We were sealed in 1996. Dad baptized me. I became active in youth activities. I was always in my class presidencies. And was Laural class president for 18 months.
Sounds like the perfect story right....well when I was 19 I got pregnant myself. Though I wasn't disfellowshipped or treated by my bishop the same way my mom was I still have hardships within my ward. I wasn't a visiting teacher anymore even though I met with my bishop every 3 weeks just so he could see how I was doing. I was never asked to say prayer anymore in relief society or got called on to answer questions. I am very musical but before I was pregnant people loved to hear me sing, after I became pregnant I got eye rolls when I sang with our choir or sang in sacrament. I wasn't married and i was pregnant. While there were some sisters who were very supportive and who I grew close to because they had been in my shoes, others shunned me completely. When someone found out my son was half black I had even more scrutiny. I heard the whispers behind my back, and saw the looks they gave me. I wanted to scream YES I'M PREGNANT AND NOT MARRRIED GET OVER IT. So I decided to stop going to my home ward and try the singles ward. I had friends there and they were excited I was having a baby. My stake doesn't have a singles branch aymore and the last time I went to my home ward it was uncomfortable for me.
I love the church, I have a strong testimony. But I can't keep going to a ward where I feel uncomfortable that I have to fight with myself in order to go on Sundays.
Sorry for the long winded vent, but I needed to get that off my chest.
Amandolin4 Amandolin4
22-25, F
Jan 13, 2013