Not All Sunshine

I am LDS and try so hard, but I cannot shed the core belief that HF does not care at all about me. I don't know why this concept has always stuck with me after 30 years, but I hear other LDS say HF loves them so much and it falls flat for me. I feel alone and HF seems so far away. Praying, fasting does nothing.

I have never met another LDS who feels this way. I used to be a born-again Christian and have always struggled with those concepts and guilts that came from that. LDS all seem to just know that they are Children of HF and worthy and part of the plan. I see it in others, but never myself.

zinco zinco
8 Responses Mar 18, 2009

I've lived and been through enough to know that it is not as simple as some people make it sound. I feel exactly like you. It is offensive to hear condescending "suggestions" to help us get to "know" him, as if we're always at fault for not feeling HF's love...<br />
Don't feel guilty for anything! Life is hard enough...I think LDS people tend to regurgitate all the crap they learn in church, without one original thought.<br />
MY ANSWER: Live life the way YOU think is best. It is a vicious circle of nothingness this business of make-belief blessing-prayer-feel good- nonsense. Nobody knows HF or wether he even cares...people just repeat what they have heard all their lives.

Zinco I commented on your reply before but I did not read this one. I am still trying to figure out how to use this 'forum' and how to go back to the place I was before. I am not really that internet savvy and have avoided it because of my lack. You are doing the right thing by going to the Lord in prayer when anything happens but what do you expect of Him? It's good that you tell Him that you don't get it but can I ask do you understand His true nature. Do you really know Him enough to treat Him as a loving caring 'father'. Think about it - if you thought your dad wasn't listening to you and you so wanted him to - what would you do to get his attention? Honestly, wouldn't you yell and get mad at him and show that anger straight up? Wouldn't you scream and yell and possibly even go up to him and beat on his chest with frustration and tears until you dissolved into a messy heap on the floor and he bent down and wrapped his arms around you and held you and comforted you and told you he loved you and that he was sorry?<br />
Now - can you go to your Father in Heaven like that?<br />
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My suggestion is that if you cannot then you do not truly understand His nature and it holds back your ability to communicate correctly with Him. This may be why you are not getting the answers you so desperately need. You are knocking on the door but so timidly as if you do not expect that He is really there or that He cares or will understand. That is not praying with faith.<br />
Yes, I do care and I am concerned but I know you can do this.<br />
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Oh and you are right, when you are burdened by earthly concerns they do get in the way. Actually there is absolutely no use whatsoever in trying to teach the love of God to someone whose only focus is on where do I get my next meal from?<br />
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Money may not buy happiness but it sure as hell makes misery a lot easier to bear! Oops sorry if you are American I know that is a swear word to you lot - but here in Oz - it's nothing.<br />
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Hang in there and keep the faith - the sun will rise on the morrow!

I wouldn't say I have a "working relationship" with God. My first thought whenever anything happens is to turn to God in prayer or thanks. I don't know if that qualifies.<br />
Thanks for your comments. I have found that I am just too burdened with earthly problems to care about anything, including studying God in order to "get it". This probably sounds very foreign to you, but it's the truth, my naive expectations are that He will reach out to me. And yes, I've heard it over and over that we have to do the work, but I have always been a "lost soul" and I will probably die one and then later on go "ok, NOW I get it". I don't read clues like other people, and I keep telling HF that I DON'T GET IT. Stop being subtle, other humans get that, but I don't. But it doesn't seem to work. Oh well, my bad, I am just trying to survive this life.<br />
Thanks for caring to wrie, I understand your concern.

Zinco, do you know what you want of Him? Have you asked for it specifically? Remember too that the Lord will not send you a witness of something when there are witnesses all around you that you have not yet aknowledged. The scriptures, talks, hymns, the world around you - all these are testaments to His divine love for us. The rest is just us and not so much how He feels about the individual but how the individual feels about Him. What do you know about Him? Do you understand His true nature? Do you have a working relationship with Him that allows you to have the faith to keep going until you learn to trust Him completely. You cannot love someone that you do not know or trust and sometimes it is not that we do not know if He loves us but we simply have not yet accepted it. I will tell you that I know He loves you for He loves all of His children because of who and what He is. Think about it, at any time of the day that you want, you can go before Deity and ask of Him anything you want. How cool is that? And yet how sacred is that? Do we truly understand what a privilege it is to be who and what we are? His children created in His image destined to become just like Him. He loves you - I promise and I hope that you continue to learn by faith until you come to know it for a surety. Have a great day.

"Slowly I began to see proof of His love; proof in very subtle and private ways. Each time something personal would happen I was delighted that He cared enough about me - me individually, to cause these little things to happen for me."<br />
Excellent celestial. That's how he works. He applauds the truth you find. The louder you think it, the louder you shout it, the more profoundly and genuinely you come across the truth, the louder he applauds. He applauds us in little ways, using the enviroment around us. My favorite is lightning and thunder. Even two shooting stars. <br />
It will take time zinco, but I am confident you will see how much he loves us. And when you see so, you will love him back. You kinda get the concept seeing it in others, but experiencing it for yourself is...well nothing like it. It may help to, during the next thunderstorm, where there is great power being unleashed all around, pray to your Heavenly Father, earnestly, and see him unleashe the power of the storm in tune with your thoughts. See his power unleashed for you, it's quite an experience. Should give you some evidence of his love for you if he's gonna send lightning and thunder for you. Good luck.

Thank you.....

I joined the church 26 years ago. It was very difficult for me to believe that Heavenly Father would not reject me like my Earthly father did. I kept thinking I had to work hard to earn His love, and if I wasn't "very good" He wouldn't love me. <br />
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At some point, and I don't really remember exactly when, I began to realize that I was thinking of my relationship with Heavenly Father in terms of my Earthly Father and I needed to let that go. I started to pray very earnestly each night, to know that He loved me. Slowly I began to see proof of His love; proof in very subtle and private ways. Each time something personal would happen I was delighted that He cared enough about me - me individually, to cause these little things to happen for me. And when I would express my gratitude over these specific blessings I would often feel a warm assurance that He loves me. <br />
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It helps to remember the famous painting by Warner Sallman of Christ standing at the door knocking; the door with no door handle. I'm sure being LDS you've seen it many times and know the lack of a door handle is because He waits for us to open the door from the other side. You may have had experiences that caused you to close some doors, doors you aren't even aware of. He waits patiently for you to open them. <br />
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He loves you....not the kind of love we are familiar with here on Earth. Think of the most powerful love you've ever experienced. He loves you so much more than that - more than we could ever comprehend. I pray that you will feel that individual love that you deserve.

Wow ... thanks for sharing. You left such a kind and thoughtful comment after reading my story ... I just had to drop by and read your experience. I know for a fact that not all LDS folks "have it all together" ... I bet a good number feel a similar distance from Heavenly Father's love similar to yourself ... you just haven't met them yet! In fact, maybe you have something in common with Mother Theresa ... she experienced something similar in a collection of published letters in a book called "Mother Teresa: Come Be My Light" (Doubleday). You might wanna check it out at your local library. In the meantime, I hope you have a great weekend.