Where To Begin? (note: There Is Quit A Bit Of Reading, So If Not Interested Skip To The Very Bottom. That's Where I Cut To The Chase.)

I'm 24, and have fantasized about Dominance, submission, bdsm, bondage, etc... stuff for as long as I've been familiar with my own "tools". I've been into many fetishes, but i always come back to the Dominance things and all. I'm turning a new corner in my young life.

In the bedroom, I've always been a competent lover capable of pleasing myself and my partners, respectively. After spending most of my dating life in LTR's, almost all of which lasted for an average of 3 years or longer, I find myself wanting to explore fantasies that I had not had the chance to explore before. I believe this is mainly due to my recent, extended time of being single. (which has never happened. I've had one or two month breaks before but i'm approaching nearly 6 months now.) For once, I have an opportunity to really figure out what I want and I have time and freedom to develop those fantasies. Looking back, I might still be with almost all of those ex's had I been able to initiate a more dominate role. (I'm just now learning this fact) I dont regret being with them, and I'm not wishing for them back, but I see submissive traits that should have been obvious before, but now make me realize just how inexperienced I was. (and possibly still am) Many of the negatives may not have happened had I been viewed as the dominant half of the relationship.

Having that said, I've always been the "nice guy". The sweet guy, who occasionally showed flashes of being able to talk a girl into bed, who cared for and lived to please my woman sexually and I felt that in return the female would take care of my needs. I've found that rarely it works out like that and they always end up the same way with or without sex. (and this article isn't all about sex, fyi) Occasionally I could be the "jerk". I took a hard look at some of my friends, and some of my female friends' boyfriends. How they're treated, how they act. I saw how pathetic the "nice guy" can look, despite honest intentions. And I saw how disgusting true jerks can be and how ****** they make their female counterparts feel. I know I'm better.

Recently, I've felt myself wanting to be in more control. Before, I could always feel the urge to just aggressively take control in the bedroom, but I always feared rejection, the possible hurting of my lover, possibly even bringing her to tears. But I dont anymore, I just never had the balls to step up and make it happen. (and believe me, I was kicking myself hard after reading alot of sources that say woman love that about men. Its no wonder, every girl I've ever dated loved their hair pulled, loved bending over, loved being spanked, choked, told what to do... among other things...) And although mild, those little actions turned me on immensely.

Realizing I needed to do something different, I started to feel the need to ensure that the next amazing woman I meet needed to understand that I am the dominate, and that she is subordinate. I want to care for my lovers, but in the way I've read masters care for their subs. The Dom/sub lifestyle is very appealing to me and has become my number one turn on. The thought of aggressively taking control, teasing and toying with my sub.. but all in the benefit of both of our pleasures. Even the lifestyle of being master and sub outside of the bedroom. It all turns me on, and I love reading about it. I've read several sources. I've always been great with communication, esp in relationships. Not so much sexually before, though. However, that has changed. (for example: I've had the pleasure of meeting a couple girls in the last few weeks and just through conversation I've found myself speaking in confidence about what I like and dont like. And when we get onto the subject of sex I'm comfortable enough with myself that I let them know what I like exactly and I dont care about what they think. If its not for them, they'll let me know. And they tell me in return what they do/dont like.) Now, we didnt wind up in a relationship due to mutual reasons but, we are still friends.

OK! All the general background is done. My question is, How do I start down a path which leads to this lifestyle? More importantly, where can I expect to find someone willing to submit to someone of my inexperience? I understand that this type of relationship relies a lot on trust and communication, so one would think two people of any experience level would approach their new relationship with a degree of inexperience??? I'm looking for all and any tips about this lifestyle. Thank you for reading my novel. lol Any feed back is very much appreciated.

An Ep User An EP User
Jan 21, 2013