Changes Are Tough

An 18 year marriage to an unmedicated bipolar, or someone who totally lacks discipline, has finally gotten me on the road...first to surrender, then to make the painstaking journey of doing things differently.

I'm not filing for divorce right now. He deserves a fair shot at bottoming out and getting help.

It's a roller coaster ride. Up and down, in an out. It's awful.

But, I've taken the steps to change. I've learned that you don't want to change too many things at once. That's when you fail, because old history is easier to do than to reach into the future. I'll make one or two small changes, then let them become habit.

The first was getting a job and taking care of our children. It was a push, but I stayed optimistic about my job. Always kept a good attitude. And, now it's routine. I try to be faithful about prayer. And, as my cycles have begun to change, I've finally incorporated one night out per week, with other adults.

Doing it slowly has built a more solid foundation. I don't feel like it's tough to manage.

Today, I love my life. I still love my husband, but I really can't tolerate the behavior anymore. Thank God, he's gotten ME on the path of redemtion!

priehl priehl
36-40, F
Mar 16, 2009