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I'm There, I Can't Believe It, I've Finally Found The Better Person In Me

For at least the last 20 years of my life, I have been interested in self improvement and applying it to myself in many ways. And of course all through that time I have learnt and grew as a person.

But in the last 3 months I seem to have hit this wonderful high. I feel like a miracle has happened to me, in fact the other day I couldn't stop staring in the mirror making sure all these wonderful things were happening to me! Then I cried a small tear, not for what I left behind, but because I was so grateful for the person I had become.

Several things has happened to make me really believe that my axle in life has truly shifted. I moved back to my old area after being away a year and was astounded that so many people remembered me in a nice way, greeted me and welcomed me back. And over the next 3 months it just felt like their feeling for me grew. At the fairs that I exhibit, people stop and smile come over and greet me, I see the expression on their face when they talk to me and I believe they are mimicking my expression. I know I give them a good feeling about themselves just from keeping my expression open, understanding, kind but with a smile in all the right places. But now more than ever I do feel those things for the people even the ones I may feel an element of pity for.

Also paid work has just appeared, it seems to pop up from everywhere,with opportunities and when it doesn't I happily give my time away for nothing.

Finally, It seems like I have met a wonderful man. OK if it doesn't work out, thats cool I know there was a lesson in there. For now it seemed that we walked into each others life when neither of us were looking. I certainly was enjoying all my new friends, new apartment and the work opportunities I was receiving. A serious of coincidences and circumstances brought me literally to his front door. The attraction for both of us was there instantly which gave us only a good base to work on. Also at 48 I really didn't think attraction came in that format any more. I strongly believed that I had to by pass the physical attraction to find a good mate. But without getting all smussy about it... we had a conversation last night and he said "there is something about you". Now that isn't the first time thats been said about me, but in the past I think it was to do with the fact that I'm confident, bitchy I could be cutting and even sometimes have a bad attitude. But I think this time when my new partner said "there is something about you" he was looking deeper. He said he liked the way I carried myself, and they way people respond to me etc etc. And then I think of the last few nights we had gone out. The restaurant manager making a big point of greeting us and talking to us (I didn't know him). A older lady in a crowded night club taking my face in her hands for a brief moment, in the past I would have automatically pulled away as a defence mechanism. Two girls across a bar waving for me to go join them to dance (I didn't know any of these people). On another occasion an acquittance seeing us sitting at a restaurant coming over with a huge smile, being so genuinely pleased to see me (we really weren't that close before although we had had the opportunity to be). She invited me out that night to watch fireworks and the next day at the bar where she works to listen to a live band.

All in all I would just like to say anyone out there that is looking or is on the journey of self improvement, never give up as it can sometimes be a long and slow walk up a steep hill. Let me tell just how worth it this is. I feel loved when there is no one around, I feel blessed even in crowded bar where I don't know anyone. And most of all I believe in the mirror effect. I was prepared to do the hard work and now I feel it's coming back to me in absolute truck loads.

Wishing all you self improver the best of luck, and don't beat yourself up when it didn't go the way you wanted it to, learn the lesson, grew and even if it take a hundred tries you will get to where your going and get the response you wanted.
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Misstysunshine Misstysunshine 46-50 2 Responses Sep 11, 2012

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Really really sorry to hear that. "If you want what you've always got, keep doing what your doing. If you want something different, change it". I didn't say it would be easy, only worth it.

Really really sorry to hear that. "If you want what you've always got, keep doing what your doing. If you want something different, change it". I didn't say it would be easy, only worth it.