I LeftOk, same time last year, after two years of unhappiness I tried to leave by drastically moving to another state. While my time alone there was much needed, I ended up coming right back to where I was and living with my H because of my lack of proper planning.
Leaving had always been a definite choice, I just wasn't sure when would be best for me.
Well, A lot has happened in a year. I got a job, got a new place and (drum role...) started a new relationship. I am currently sitting on my bed in my new apartment (moved in 3 weeks) ago and say I am truly happy. This is what I always dreamed of and what I've always wanted for myself.
The first two weeks was challenging, I cried a lot, not because I missed him but because I felt so lonely (even if I had someone). However, I am in a better place, believe me. I finally got to talk candidly with my mother (whom I was very afraid would not agree with me leaving) and to my surprise she was more than supportive. She told me she noticed that I had lost my "spark". And she could tell that I was back to being who I really am.
I have a boyfriend now (no we didn't rush). He's never been married but he is very mature. Honestly, it's kinda sad how little things as watching him appreciate my body and wanting to touch me all time, fascinates me. I am amazed at how much "proper" love and tender care I was missing in a relationship. I had forgotten how valuable not only me as a person, but my body as a woman was/is.
I'm also learning that only me can love me exactly the way I want and crave. I have now learnt that it's true when they say if you live your life in full truth and authenticity, good things come your way. as I'm writing this, I also got offered a better paying job,
Looking back to when I was with my H, he controlled everything, not only sex, but he made sure to kill my motivation. I am usually a very ambitious person but for some reason it made him feel insecure. So, he would always talk me out of doing things or starting up a business or pursuing a goal. Looking back, I had no confidence in my appearance (even if I've been told by people that I am a beautiful woman). Looking back I didn't even have a job, nothing seemed to be going right for me.
Big difference now, I've taken the step to live in truth. I'm sharing this to let those of us who, like me (last year) are looking for hope, know that while every situation is unique, "there truly is a light at the end of the tunnel". Hate to sound so cliche but it's true. with proper planning, things will get better for you.