How I Got Out - Please Share How You Did.

I am in the process of getting out now—many thanks to this site. After joining the forum last year and reading enough stories to depress the hell out of me I decided to do something about it. After 6 years of excuses, 6 months of couples therapy, hundreds of empty promises and thousands of sexless nights, I'm taking action.

But first, I'm going to tell you where I was. Here is why I am just like you. First it was fear of being alone. Fear I would not be able to find someone as good as he is—and he is a wonderful man, affectionate, kind, generous and protective. Second, I felt guilty. I knew he was abused as a child so I tread very lightly around anything to do with sex because of it. After a year, when I already moved in with him, he started to refuse me. The constant rejection got to me so I stopped initiating. Then we just stopped having sex all together. I was so frustrated but tempered my anger because I felt bad for him and his past. So we became expert cuddlers. We became best friends living in an incomplete lovers relationship. Although I was grew progresively more angry and depressed over the lack of sex he seemed just fine with it. I think he could go on like that forever as long as he knows I am "there." Behind the lovely exterior that our friends and families know, we are roommates.

So for the past 6 years I have been walking around feeling undesirable, unsexy and unloved in a grown-up way. I have begged and pleaded for change. I have threatened. I have cried to my friends that remind me I sound like a broken record. I have put myself in compromising situations with the opposite sex to feel desired. I have looked in the mirror a thousand times wondering what could I improve next. What could I do to make him want me? In a bout of frustration I told his mother. She asked me if I ever tried to seduce him. As you know, nothing works. Nothing has changed.

So a year ago I joined this site and it inspired me. It made me realize it wasn't my fault and I wasn't alone. I knew I had to take action.
5 months ago I bought an apartment. I didn't plan on telling him I was moving in alone until it closed. I did this because guilt has kept me in this relationship far too long. I realize this is a sneaky move but I don't need anymore obstacles. I am moving forward and now, I want the support of others that have done the same. I want to know how they've done it. I want to hear what worked for them. I want to know it is better on the other side. Deep inside I do know this, but I need to keep hearing it to help propel me forward.

Although this feels scary it feels incredibly empowering as well. I can't wait to start living life as a whole person again. I hope the same for you. I hope just maybe, I've inspired you to take action.

Have you gotten out? Please share. Let your story be an inspiration to others. It's a new year after all.
Let's resolve to set ourselves free.

tangel000 tangel000
36-40, F
2 Responses Jan 30, 2012

I am going through the exact same situation right now. My husband and I have been married for almost 3 years ago. Our marriage has been a sexless on from the day we got married. We barely had sex on our wedding night and from there on we would have sex maybe once a month. Sometimes we go months without having sex. Family and Friends of ours dont have a clue whats really going on. My husband and I are just best friends living together. I am embrassed to talk to anyone about it so I just nag at my husband any chance I get.I nag at him for everything and our marriage is a big fail. I read this quote online a few weeks ago and believe this is the reason I nag so much...."Sex should be 10% of a marraige, If however, a marriage does not have a healthy sex life then sex becomes ninety percent of the relationship" I believe all our fights happen and I ***** at every little thing becuase this issue we are having is really getting to me and I cant take it anymore. <br />
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I am planning on leaving my bestfriend but i dont know where to begin. I dont think I have it in me. I think what if I re-marry one day and the same thing happens. Maybe its me? <br />
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I'll help you but you have to really want to start over again. I have plenty of love for you if willing to take the chance on being happy and I'll make love to you as much as you want

Great story! Congratulations, and all power to you ! I sincerley hope it all works out, and you begin a new life with comfort, passion, "love " ,and with all your life dreams totally full filled . You are moving forward in a "positive " move for you ! Whatever "negatives " maybe, or are placed in front of you as you move forward , stay in control, foccussed, and just simply step over them, We only have one life, and YOU, from despair , are taking control, to move forward , i love your strength of character , not only have you had the power to choose your destiny in life, you have proved you COULD do it, i love that !!