How I Got Out - Please Share How You Did.I am in the process of getting out now—many thanks to this site. After joining the forum last year and reading enough stories to depress the hell out of me I decided to do something about it. After 6 years of excuses, 6 months of couples therapy, hundreds of empty promises and thousands of sexless nights, I'm taking action.
But first, I'm going to tell you where I was. Here is why I am just like you. First it was fear of being alone. Fear I would not be able to find someone as good as he is—and he is a wonderful man, affectionate, kind, generous and protective. Second, I felt guilty. I knew he was abused as a child so I tread very lightly around anything to do with sex because of it. After a year, when I already moved in with him, he started to refuse me. The constant rejection got to me so I stopped initiating. Then we just stopped having sex all together. I was so frustrated but tempered my anger because I felt bad for him and his past. So we became expert cuddlers. We became best friends living in an incomplete lovers relationship. Although I was grew progresively more angry and depressed over the lack of sex he seemed just fine with it. I think he could go on like that forever as long as he knows I am "there." Behind the lovely exterior that our friends and families know, we are roommates.
So for the past 6 years I have been walking around feeling undesirable, unsexy and unloved in a grown-up way. I have begged and pleaded for change. I have threatened. I have cried to my friends that remind me I sound like a broken record. I have put myself in compromising situations with the opposite sex to feel desired. I have looked in the mirror a thousand times wondering what could I improve next. What could I do to make him want me? In a bout of frustration I told his mother. She asked me if I ever tried to seduce him. As you know, nothing works. Nothing has changed.
So a year ago I joined this site and it inspired me. It made me realize it wasn't my fault and I wasn't alone. I knew I had to take action.
5 months ago I bought an apartment. I didn't plan on telling him I was moving in alone until it closed. I did this because guilt has kept me in this relationship far too long. I realize this is a sneaky move but I don't need anymore obstacles. I am moving forward and now, I want the support of others that have done the same. I want to know how they've done it. I want to hear what worked for them. I want to know it is better on the other side. Deep inside I do know this, but I need to keep hearing it to help propel me forward.
Although this feels scary it feels incredibly empowering as well. I can't wait to start living life as a whole person again. I hope the same for you. I hope just maybe, I've inspired you to take action.
Have you gotten out? Please share. Let your story be an inspiration to others. It's a new year after all.
Let's resolve to set ourselves free.
tangel000 36-40, F 2 Responses 5 Jan 30, 2012