Shedding 140 Lbs. Of Negativity

I am a few months into the legal process of leaving my sexless marriage...with another three to four months ahead of me.

Emotionally, I left years ago.

Now, as I go through the divorce dance, I find myself questioning how the hell I stayed with this man for so many years.

A perfect example...we attended the Brewers v. Cubs baseball game at Miller Park last weekend. After the game, TGIFridays (some of you will recognize the significance of this particular offered 2-for-1 burgers. STBX, being exceptionally frugal, couldn't pass it up even though we weren't hungry. After we were seated, rather than engaging in conversation, he spent the entire meal criticizing others around us. It drained me...what a sad person that he derives happiness from putting others down.

But then I realized, "YOU used to be that sad person too!"

To accomodate our relationship, I used embrace his negative behaviors. I too was overly critical and unaccepting of others. I lacked confidence. I couldn't make decisions without consulting him first.

Nowadays, as I shed his 140 lbs. of negativity, I am so much happier.

I went out with some co-workers last Thursday. One of them engaged me in a conversation about my weight loss. He said, "yeah, you look smokin' hot...but, there's something glow, you're more engaging, you're more confident...there has to be more to your story than just losing weight!" So, for only the third time since I initiated the divorce dance, I told a co-worker what was going on at home. It was liberating to share...he nodded as I filled him in, and stated he was there if I needed his help/support with anything.

I am not only shedding the negativity, but also surrounding myself with beautiful positive energy.

I am so thankful for the advice and support of my EP friends. Without you, this never could have happened.
PeachesGalore PeachesGalore
46-50, F
8 Responses May 19, 2012

To all the folks out there with the issue about wether or not to stay with a spouse who is very negative, most of the time. Your husband my have a decease: Chronic Depression. This decease is the result of a hormonal imbalance in the brain, and no, he can't just pick himself up by his own bootstraps, and/or "get over it." Part of the decease is the denial of symptoms (he does not know he is depressed.), and reluctance to go to a psychiatrist. There are several medications out there to adjust that hormonal balance. One size does not fit all, but if it fits, you will be amazed at the change in your husband. If it fits, you will no longer want to leave your husband.
I recommend checking this out even if you "Know" it will not work. One day you will want to know that you did everything that you could to save your marriage.

Newsflash: I left him.

You are very courageous to do what's right. Thank you for this story.

You're very welcome. Hopefully by sharing my story, I can help others find their way to happiness as well.

I am not going through the divorce dance , but what you say here is amazingly familiar. To accomodate our relationship, I too, took on a lot of H's behaviour, demeanour and thought process which was all so alien to me. Now that I have started calling out at least that I have a right to by myself and a right to be happy, I have started shedding the weight of his negative personality and being more myself. Which seems light and natural....

"Now, as I go through the divorce dance, I find myself questioning how the hell I stayed with this man for so many years."<br />
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We all do, babe... that is the single most repeated thing by those who have made the decision or have just made that big step to freedom...<br />
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...So awesome to be losing that sort of dead weight... lol

Cheering for you Peaches, just cheering!

The world is open to you ..... limitless possibilities. <br />
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So very happy for you, my friend.

It's amazing how the toxicity affects so many parts of our lives and we become aware of it only when we start stepping out of the marriage. <br />
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Congratulations on your journey.

Awwwww! I love it!!! It just makes me happy to hear your update! You have been under water, in the the cold and in the dark, and you are now surfacing! You can feel the warmth of the sunshine - and you can breathe- and you can see clearly in all directions!!