I Want To Leave A Good Husband.....and A Sexless Marriage......I have made up my mind. If only I could execute my plan. I want to leave. I no longer have hope that things will change, and in reality I don't want things to change, as my feelings for this man are no longer the same.
But how can this be? He is an excellent husband with many good qualities. He is loyal, caring, kind, affectionate, a true gentle soul. We get along great and we never fight. In fact when I bring up our problem, he acknowledges that it’s his problem and promises that things will change, that he will put effort into it, that he loves me and does not want to loose me. It’s all promises, promises, promises.
I am 30 years old, and have been married for 2 years. We were married after a very short courtship, because we were “so in love”. My marriage has been sexless for about half that time. I sit here and still cannot believe that this is happening, call me naïve, but I just did not know that a man could not be interested in sex. In the beginning it was fine, not great, but good and I always thought that it would get better, I mean we were crazy about each other, I knew that he did not have much experience, and I thought that we would get there. I started to notice that he never initiated it, in fact if I didn’t come to him, it would not happen. Within the first few months of marriage, we would go a week or two without making love. I began to feel very depressed, I started wondering what was wrong with me, my self esteem took a hit and that is when my spirit started dying off little by little.
I would bring up the issue, and he would always say that he would try, but things never changed and he would just go on pretending that nothing is wrong. Things got worse and worse, and now we haven’t been intimate for about 9 months. The more I would ask for him to get help, the worse it got. He never seemed to put any real effort into trying to fix things. I straight up told him that if things didn’t change, I was going to leave. We started going to counselling and after the counsellor basically told him that this was his problem to fix and that he needed to go to therapy on his own, my H decided to quit the counselling sessions.
I have been living like this for the past year. I tell him that I am leaving (this has happened about 3-4 times this year). He cries, begs, makes promises, tells me he loves me and adores me, I back off a bit to let him try or because I feel bad for him, but nothing happens. Each time I would be so disappointed, but after so many broken promises I am immune now. He has never really given me a concrete answer on why. He has given so many BS excuses, I have even asked him if he was gay, or had been molested or if something horrible happened to him, to which he says no of course.
I have finally have accepted that this is who he is and he will not change. He is a good man, just not the man for me. I cannot live with a person that says he loves and adores me, then at the same time lets me suffer in silence (he knows exactly how I feel) and does not lift a finger to change things. I have been a good wife and have been more than patient, and tried to help in so many ways, but to no effect. We have no children, for that at least I am thankful, as I don’t think I could leave if we did. What this has done to me as a person if more than I can handle. I never knew how somebody's actions (or in my case, lack of action) can have such a deep negative impact on your feeling or self worth.
We are roommates, the best of friends, but not a married couple. I refuse to live like this for ever.