Five Days Gone--dealing With Mourning.

So, it's been five days since the STBX moved out. Sleep and I haven't been speaking to each other much, except when I've come to a point of complete and utter exhaustion. Then I'll fall into more of a coma-like state, empty of dreams, until I jerk awake filled with more nervous energy.

I've been staying busy trying to burn some of it off, and talking to friends, mostly here.

So, so very different from how I usually handle it when life throws me an emotional ****-storm. Normally I withdraw from friends and family, never wanting anyone feel sorry for me, or watch me in the midst of a pity-party. I hate crying in front of others, and I certainly don't want to bring anyone *down* Don't want to be that friend that's always in some woe-is-me situation, and won't shut up about it. So, I've always delt with these things alone, usually in bed, surrounded by wads of Kleenex and junk food wrappers, the mess making me sink into misery even further.

I'm trying, this time, to graciously accept the support especially from friends here. EP is such a great place, and it allows me to stay present with the grief and lean on my friends without overwhelming them with sad-sack me.

I've also found that as I go through this process, that writing helps immensely. Pouring out those feelings, looking for just the right adverbs or adjectives to describe what I'm feeling and going through helps me sort through the emotional jumble in my head. There've been many stories I posted and some I didn't, but for the most part, I figured if I was brave enough to write it down, to examine those feelings and events and sit with them, then I'm strong enough to post them as well. Hopefully, someone down the road will feel a bit less alone for reading them...

So I've been trying consciously to change the way I'm dealing with the stress, resentment, fear, grief and guilt. Besides writing, I've upped my mileage on my walks with my dog significantly and go walking every night, instead of our more normal 3-5/week. I've cleaned out junk drawers. I've gotten down with a toothbrush and started cleaning the baseboards (all white trim will NOT be in my next house, lol). I started reading a new novel that's been waiting two years to be read. I've played words with friends, and goofed around here...All in all, I've been pretty sucessful in keeping it together these first five days, and so far, every day is better than the last.

**Also posted in the Divorce Forum
msdamgoode msdamgoode
41-45, F
8 Responses Aug 10, 2012

glad to see from some of the notes below that you are doing well... i am in the throughs of a divorce right now, and have learned much about really knowing what the other person is about... i went thru a year and a half without any physical intimacy, and before we got married, i had made it clear that that was an important element of marriage or emotional relationship for me... things were ok before we got married then fell off precipitously afterward.. hope your light at the end of the tunnel is still bright.. i am looking for mine now...

Time is a great thing to lose yourself and forget painful times.

I never realized any of this until just reading it now... I want to say something, but feel better sending you a personal message.... Wishing you the best, and more smiles in the days, weeks, and months to come

I hope you're feeling better. I'm about 2.5 weeks out and it's mostly good, calm, with some deep sadness and questioning of "how did I get here?" It ain't easy, but it's the right decision.

Hang in there. That is why this exists. Do not worry about being the woe is me friend here. Writing things down and sharing is part of the healing process. You will feel less alone and draw strength from the replies. <br />
<br />
Thinking of you.

I wrote this a while ago but reading this story I thought I had to go back and find it for you. <br />
Take a read and good luck: <br />
<a href="" target="ep_blank">EP Link</a>

I'm the "leaver" myself. Yet I find it's the dream I'm mourning...that I could make it all work, or live without sex, or manage to just "let it be enough". That dream of a life-long marriage...that's why I mourn. I didn't think I was going to, funnily enough, at least not this bad. But thank you, very much, for the link.

We all play Woulda, Shoulda, Coulda. No one get married hoping to have to divorce, but sometimes it's the only options. They want to be in control and sex is one of there tools. They try to tell you that the marriage is more important then "you", but sadly that's not the case. "You", are important with or without them.

I'm learning to live like that. Like I matter. It's strange but right, and I'm sure it just takes a bit of practice! I lived like that before hopefully it will be like riding a bike ;-)

I know exactly what you mean about mourning the dream. But that's all it was, a dream. I am in the exact same boat.

1 More Response

Sounds like you're doing about as well as can be expected. This early in the process, don't try to figure things out or make any big decisions...just continue living. Totally understand the urge to retreat when you're feeling pain. Fight that stand a better chance of healing...we're here to help you with that!

I'm trying JP. I said below, I *almost* put my account on vacation, then wrote in my journal and decided I should post is such an urge to hide in bed. But I know that won't help me in the long run.

Thanks for being here...(((hugs)))

Back atcha, sister!

Hugs and hugs on upping your activity and proactive ways in this....I admire that..... but I do think there are times in life where it's fine to let it all out....Sometimes we need to vent out all the icky stuff to make room for the better stuff we want to fill back up with... :)

Thank you sweetpea, your stories always cheer me up ;-) And I agree...I'm just trying to get all that icky stuff out in a way that it stays gone. The support I've gotten from my friends here has been overwhelming. And to think, I was going to put my account on vacation, until I was cheerful glad I changed my mind! (((hugs))) thank you for thinking of me!

Getting the icky stuff out so it stays gone is soooooooo wise of you!! You're going to come thru this and find the happiness you need, want and deserve..... ep is a wonderful place for friendship and support...... ♥