Five Days Gone--dealing With Mourning.So, it's been five days since the STBX moved out. Sleep and I haven't been speaking to each other much, except when I've come to a point of complete and utter exhaustion. Then I'll fall into more of a coma-like state, empty of dreams, until I jerk awake filled with more nervous energy.
I've been staying busy trying to burn some of it off, and talking to friends, mostly here.
So, so very different from how I usually handle it when life throws me an emotional ****-storm. Normally I withdraw from friends and family, never wanting anyone feel sorry for me, or watch me in the midst of a pity-party. I hate crying in front of others, and I certainly don't want to bring anyone *down* Don't want to be that friend that's always in some woe-is-me situation, and won't shut up about it. So, I've always delt with these things alone, usually in bed, surrounded by wads of Kleenex and junk food wrappers, the mess making me sink into misery even further.
I'm trying, this time, to graciously accept the support especially from friends here. EP is such a great place, and it allows me to stay present with the grief and lean on my friends without overwhelming them with sad-sack me.
I've also found that as I go through this process, that writing helps immensely. Pouring out those feelings, looking for just the right adverbs or adjectives to describe what I'm feeling and going through helps me sort through the emotional jumble in my head. There've been many stories I posted and some I didn't, but for the most part, I figured if I was brave enough to write it down, to examine those feelings and events and sit with them, then I'm strong enough to post them as well. Hopefully, someone down the road will feel a bit less alone for reading them...
So I've been trying consciously to change the way I'm dealing with the stress, resentment, fear, grief and guilt. Besides writing, I've upped my mileage on my walks with my dog significantly and go walking every night, instead of our more normal 3-5/week. I've cleaned out junk drawers. I've gotten down with a toothbrush and started cleaning the ba
**Also posted in the Divorce Forum
msdamgoode 41-45, F 9 Responses 8 Aug 10, 2012