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Moving Forward And Alimony

I am finally leaving a sexless marriage. It is giving so much freedom to do so many things I have wanted to do. And not one of them is sexual! I have freedom to watch my own movie, leave the dishes undone and put off the laundry for a couple of hours. I can enjoy TIME. He cannot stand down time. I believe it is because he cant stand to hear his own thoughts. But I like mine now. My thoughts tell me to put up more pictures of my kids and to throw the baseball with my son. They tell me to listen to my daughter and help paint her fingernails. They tell me it's ok for silence. And when I listen to those things I dont hear about how to water the plants, take out the trash and remind me that I should do some laundry today. I dont see someone cleaning the kitchen after I do and checking behind me.

There are things I am concerned about. Although the custody will be 50/50 and the support is fair, his alimony offer was awful. Our attorneys are going back and forth. We were married for 16 years. Isnt alimony for about half the length of the marriage? I hope I dont have to negotiate much longer on this. He is dragging it out and the opportunities to get the house I want are dwindling.

What have any of you experienced regarding alimony?
golferel golferel 41-45, F 5 Responses Sep 14, 2012

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When you say sexless marriage, do you mean he refuses or said no to you? If so, I can relate. There is always a reason why he doesn't have to love me or show affection to me. We have been married for over 3 years now, but it has been bad pretty much after we married. He never comes to me to make love, more often than not, he rejects me, when or if we do, he gives nothing to speak of. He doesn't care about meeting my needs or showing love towards me. I am tired and sick of it. For so long I have been trying to "make everything perfect" so he will want me and it never happens. It is never enough....

Hey. Yeah, a few comments are always gonna be one sided. I did my divorce in Australia where we were married and spent most of our married life. After 19 years, the 4 things we had to work through was the divorce itself, the property settlement, child support and spousal maintenance (what you call alimony). The divorce I did myself. You can in Australia if the other party wont sign, but you have to get them served etc which I did. Cost me about 2 grand. The property settlement we used one lawyer between the 2 of us. The 3 tests of law in Australia are what did you bring into the marriage, what assets are there now and how much does each party earn. We had nothing to start with and our assets came to about AUD$1 million nett at the end. Based on my salary versus my ex I was bringing in 90% of the income when we split. This last one was the issue. I asked my lawyer if a 60/40 split would be fair. He said the court would look at it reasonably. So I offered that, and with some tooing and frooing, she accepted 65/35, of which I settled 20 grand in a superannuation transfer. Neither of us saw the inside of a courtroom, total legal costs which I paid was $8 grand. Child custody, I had our oldest boy who was 18 and beyond any support age living with me and 2 smaller kids aged 13 and 11 with their mum. The Australian Child Support dept assessed my child support for my 2 kids 5 days a week at $2,200 a month. So I agreed to pay this directly. I have since moved overseas and I get my kids on holidays so we mutually agreed to increase the child support to $2800 a month. Heres the cruncher for spousal support. Because we were relatively amicable about things and because I religiously paid my child support I was up for and because I gave my ex our family home as part of her settlement and she was able to sell it and be almost mortgage free and mostly mostly because we were courteous to one another, my ex signed off on no spousal support !!!. None. In fact since we have divorced she has increased her working hours to fulltime from casual (I think she did that because she wanted to feel more empowered...good on her..). Anyhow to answer your and the other comments...seems to me you pay for it one way or another...give more in the property settlement so they don't need the alimony...or be prepared to pay it. Its one or the other. But don't fight for neither, you will both lose. R

No, I am looking for the same answers. I was also married for 16 years.

I am happy for you but, unless your husband is wealthy or you are trying to punish him (i'm not judging) is alimony still realavent in 2012? Maybe a cash settlement to get you going and a share of any 401k or retirment he has to date is an alternative. Every time your lawyers talk to each other it costs money niether of you will get. I have a client who is a divorce lawyer and he has 3 houses and his own plane.

I am not trying to punish him and I get your point. But, yes, alimony is still relevent.

In Texas, alimony or spousal support is entirely enforceable, but only if you've been married for 10 years or a couple other stipulations. That's where I'm stuck. Our 10 year anniversary is this September, but we are already in the divorce process. And he doesn't want to pay me child support, even though we have two kids and he makes substantially more than I do. Hence, why I hired a new attorney. ;)

Is the alimony so you don't have to get a job?

Really? Really??? I have a job. Thanks for the advice...you're a peach.

Well why do you need alimony then??? Really!