TriggersI am slowly discovering my emotional triggers.
My marriage to my ex was rotten with control. I had to do everything with him. He determined what it was that we "enjoyed." He determined the when, where, and how of my life. He determined my boundaries.
Anyway, back to those triggers.
That box that I was living within...it's gone. What was harshly defined is now ambiguous. I take nothing for granted...there are no assumptions.
And there it is. That's how I consistently reach my breaking point: that constant redefinition of me and my world. Every so often, when there's just too many things set before me, I falter. Heck, I'll admit it, I turn into a big baby at times.
But that's OK, providing I learn from it and move on.
There's a secondary issue I'm dealing with. I'll call it the validity of males. I was raised by a woman who believed that females are defined by the man they marry. That without a man, women are somehow less valid. She clearly trained me well. I am conscious of this little voice in my head (that is getting weaker and weaker by the day, thank goodness) working against me. I hear it muttering when I have an emotional trigger moment, "if only you had a man to lean on."
Mutter away little voice, I sent that ship sailing. I am now the captain, the first mate, and the crew. I will find my way. It may not be graceful, but I will redefine my life...single or otherwise.
PeachesGalore 46-50, F 6 Responses 7 Nov 9, 2012