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Please Explain This To Me

My lady friend just filed divorce. they were married for 16 years, both works good job, no children. The husband was cheating, she caught it and she wants out.
When I brought up the idea of a second chance, she open up her heart to me for the first time. According to her, cheating is not the reason she is leaving, she never actually loved him, she married him because he is a nice responsible man with good sense of humor. She always thought, over time the love will come, but it never did in the past 15 years, she even went on saying that she doesn't like the way he smell, they had almost no sex in last 12 years. he doesn't even get a hard-on with her anyway. I know this couple for last 10 years and never knew all this. She never made any sexual advance towards me or any other friends. I really don't get this, why stay in a marriage like this for such a long time specially where there is no children involved.
hyrok40 hyrok40 36-40, M 11 Responses Dec 13, 2012

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There are perks to being married - financial and emotional security, familiarity, etc. She chose with her head and not her heart and unfortunately it didn't pay off for her. But she really wanted it to work and perhaps was just too damn patient!

She was also probably scared to leave. It takes a lot of courage to make a big life change like that.

Women are taught that men are the ones with sexual needs, and sex is what women do to please their men . Women are taught it is selfish and slutty to want more sex than their man is willing to provide. I didn't realize how much I had been ignoring my own strong sex drive until I filed for divorce after 8 years of no sex, and many years of next to no sex in a marriage of 30 years.

Not any more, not I America. I am glad that you are finally having a good time, Thanks for reading and your comment.

To me, if I did not love my husband, there would be no point. Like you say, especially if there are no children to consider.

Thanks for your comment, I agree, here is the sad part, the husband just died in a massive heart attack after just an year of separation. I am at a loss.

Wow, what a terribly sad ending to an already sad story.

Sometimes people marry and stay in a loveless marriage for comfort. Really so sad.

I stayed in a situation like that. I knew before we got married that it was not passionate union I always wanted. But he was a good guy....solid. I thought it would grow and be more intimate. It did not. I would drink wine to have sex, then it still was no connection. All I did was grow angry over time and become someone I didn't like. We both deserved better. He deserved better from a woman and I deserved better as a women. I stayed 12 years.

I am glad that you are out and having fun ;)

Thanks!

she married him for other things than love... she may of married him for security, and with him playing around with a woman, jeopardized her position with him.

No, she is self sufficient, have very good job. The guy was married twice before he got married to her.

well she married him for more than just a sense of humor for sure

I think she was trying to do the right thing and get married to a decent guy. Get with the program type of thing

for some they just dont want to be on there own, dont mk sense to me but i guess for some it does! :-)

How sad but the truth is many share this same story!! I think it's mostly security .. it's hard to stand alone and feel secure in this world today!!

This is a wonderful question and an answer I like to know and even understand. smiles***

Most of us stayed for hopes of change and it getting better, or fear of the unknown. I couldn't handle how long I stayed, much less 16 years.

I really don't understand either. Maybe because of the comfort zone. I know I stayed for my son.

Thanks for the comment. I agree with you, it's confort zone, a social acceptance, not to upset the family and friends. But none of those would be a reason for me.