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I'm Starting to Hate My Husband

OK- here's my current sad story...

My husband is truly clueless.  It's been about a month since he moved out.  First it was oh sad times, I want you back! So, I feel sentimental and think- well, maybe he really wants to work this out.  He's the one who mentioned lets see a marriage counselor. Overall I don't miss him much.  Once in a while I do.  When we do talk it's like we don't have much conversation.  We have really drifted apart.  It's amazing how much I'm starting to hate him.  I cut our conversations short-  I guess I really thought for a split second that he may actually care and want to work this out.  Because that's what he said anyway.  I hate him for not giving a **** or even trying.  If he really loved me (I know this sounds ridiculous) wouldn't he have tried?  I can't believe a word that comes out of his mouth so why bother talking to him...I love you, I want to work this out, I want you to be happy, I realize I need to compromise...are all lines of ****!  I thought I would call him today just to see how he was doing- and it's like I was just calling a friend.  Nothing more.  Isn't that something-  I'm not sure why I still seem surprised or shocked by any of this.   I figured he would have missed me. I think he did for maybe a week.  Once he got settled it's like he doesn't care.  I have lived in the dysfunctional relationship forever.  We have always had our issues.  I really want and desire to be in some sort of relationship.  I really want to be in a relationship of some kind.  I can't help myself.  I don't need anyone but I enjoy having somebody.  Guess I'm needy.  I can't help but feel like even when I was living with my husband it's like I wasn't really in a relationship.  All of this proves that leaving him as hard as it was for ME anyway was and is for the best.  I just feel so unloved.  Why did I stick around for so long?  It's great that he was a friend-my best friend.  Why couldn't it have been more?  And now, I feel like my best friend is slipping away too.  I just feel so alone.

rsb30 rsb30 26-30, F 5 Responses Sep 16, 2009

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Wow! this sounds exactly like me .. sad part and only difference is that im still here..

Your not needy, I feel the same way. I think human beings are relationship beings too. We're meant to have relationships with others. I feel alitttle lonely too since he left but and it's not so much of me wanted he per say back, I just want a man (another one), that would takes our relationship serious. I'm so tired of being lied to about how he's going to change and nothing ever happens. I feel to, if he really loved me like he says he does, he would atleast make some kind of effort. I gave him plenty of time. 18 years to be exact.

Your not needy, I feel the same way. I think human beings are relationship beings too. We're meant to have relationships with others. I feel alitttle lonely too since he left but and it's not so much of me wanted he per say back, I just want a man (another one), that would takes our relationship serious. I'm so tired of being lied to about how he's going to change and nothing ever happens. I feel to, if he really loved me like he says he does, he would atleast make some kind of effort. I gave him plenty of time. 18 years to be exact.

fyayldt is right! Emotional divorce comes first. I wish I knew the answer for why we hang on long after hope is gone!

A divorce is always hard even if you "hate him" A part of you will probably always love him and i'm sorry for saying this but I got a divorce 6 years ago and even though I am in love with someone else I think about my ex a lot! We are friends now but it took a while to become that way again... hang in there it does get easier.... I promise, it just might take a while... focus on yourself, go shopping... do whatever it is that makes you feel good! This time it's about YOU!!