I Am Leaving Some Things Unsaid
I'm in my mid forties. That is not actually old, but may be borderline middle age. If I seem to be skewing the boundary to my favor, I am actually basing this on the experiences I recall most of my life: that moast men in their forties are still quite strong and active (perhaps this is not as true as it used to be in the U.S.).
I have always maintained a good physical condition. I lift weights, not for bulk, but just to keep up strength and tone. I would regularly run 2 miles. Having worn sunscreen almost very day (I usually work outside), my skin isn't too bad either. Do you sense a "but..." coming on?
Stress is killing me. I hadn't been to the gym for months, and when I went yesterday, I only ran one mile, and was more winded than I had been in years. This worries me more than it hurts my ego, believe it or not. A year and a half ago, I felt something strange in my upper left chest, near my shoulder--a sudden pulsing pressure. I kept relaxed, breathed carefully and deeply, and the feeling subsided over some hours.
Since then, I have had occasional angina. Sometimes I get what seems to be asthma (a chest x-ray during my migraines incident led a doctor to warn me that I may get COPD; I guess this is it). " Luckily", my stepson has asthma that he never needs to use an inhaler for, so we have a surplus of expired ones; thus I haven't had to tell my doctor about it.
I did go in for a lump in my calf at one point (ultrasound showed it was just a hematoma, where I had thought a blood clot waiting to kill me). When she listened to my heartbeat, she asked if I had had any chest pains. "No." She looked at me skeptically, but didn't challenge my answer. I think i had hoped she would. I have a crush on her, but that's another story.
So I occasionally have these issues--constricted airway, hypersensitivity to stress (watching my pulse), recurrent fatigue that keeps me from getting housework done. And no one knows. I hope it is just COPD. Revealing a heart condition is bad enough, but my whole life would seem a cruel joke to have played on the people who love me, if it's cancer.
I have always maintained a good physical condition. I lift weights, not for bulk, but just to keep up strength and tone. I would regularly run 2 miles. Having worn sunscreen almost very day (I usually work outside), my skin isn't too bad either. Do you sense a "but..." coming on?
Stress is killing me. I hadn't been to the gym for months, and when I went yesterday, I only ran one mile, and was more winded than I had been in years. This worries me more than it hurts my ego, believe it or not. A year and a half ago, I felt something strange in my upper left chest, near my shoulder--a sudden pulsing pressure. I kept relaxed, breathed carefully and deeply, and the feeling subsided over some hours.
Since then, I have had occasional angina. Sometimes I get what seems to be asthma (a chest x-ray during my migraines incident led a doctor to warn me that I may get COPD; I guess this is it). " Luckily", my stepson has asthma that he never needs to use an inhaler for, so we have a surplus of expired ones; thus I haven't had to tell my doctor about it.
I did go in for a lump in my calf at one point (ultrasound showed it was just a hematoma, where I had thought a blood clot waiting to kill me). When she listened to my heartbeat, she asked if I had had any chest pains. "No." She looked at me skeptically, but didn't challenge my answer. I think i had hoped she would. I have a crush on her, but that's another story.
So I occasionally have these issues--constricted airway, hypersensitivity to stress (watching my pulse), recurrent fatigue that keeps me from getting housework done. And no one knows. I hope it is just COPD. Revealing a heart condition is bad enough, but my whole life would seem a cruel joke to have played on the people who love me, if it's cancer.
By:
rattleschains
Age:
41-45
,
Male
