A Lesbian In The City.

I've recently found this site.  Any support is better than none.
I've been a lesbian my entire life, only to really acknowledge it about15 years ago.  At first I did the whole "I'm bi thing".. wrong!, then I tried to forget it. Wrong!, then I pushed it down and only let it resurface at my weakest moments. Wrong!.. Now I am so far out, that I couldn't find my way back into the closet if I tried.
I live a lie every day.
I'm trapped in a marriage because I made a committment, and can't allow my child to pay for the decision I have made.
I married twice,
And still never got it right.
So I sit in this. I have had 2 girlfriends, because the need to me is as strong as breathing.  As much as you try to push this down if this is who you are, this is who  you are. 
My husband knows, but he accepts only what he can accept.  And the rest goes unspoken.
Its a restless way to live.
But its the choice I have made.
I know that the statistics of being married long term when you are a lesbian is grim.
Do I buck these statistics?
Time will only tell.
ASong4Kassidy ASong4Kassidy
46-50, F
1 Response May 15, 2012

It sounds like what you are going through is very hard and confusing for you!<br />
Im also married to a man but he doesnt know I like women. It was a huge mistake for me too (eight years ago) but I too haven't been able to get out of it.<br />
<br />
I wish you clarity, courage, and peace in your journey.