Broken Things.

I have been thinking this morning a great deal about everything.
Just wanted to express these thoughts. I don't want pity. That is not my style. I just want clarity and for some of you to listen to these words. You want to understand me better? Then here is your chance. Or not. It is up to you.
Some things are valuable monetarily. You work hard and buy wonderful things-chattels. And you use them and you "love" them. These are; however, just things-stuff-tangibles. And if they do break, and sometimes they do by means of life or by accident...You say damn softly. And regretfully. Or yell ****! Or say, "Why couldn't you be more careful? I loved that thing. And you knew it. " And you pick up the pieces with a dust pan and broom. Throw them away in the kitchen trash. Sometimes, with love, you can put it back together-glue and love will mend it so it is not noticeable or barely so-perhaps only when one is close and picks it up to examine it's beauty.
Then there are the intangible things. Like trust-this golden box-it is so valuable you cannot endure your relationships without it. Oh, you may be able to make do...But if this is broken, then it is like one of those fine thin glass vases or like those eggs-the Faberge ones- if you break either, forget it! Cry your eyes out and it makes no difference whatsoever! So sad for you!
There are many of these intangible things....But I am only going to talk about one-the one that is on my mind presently.
When something is broken and has been this way for a long, long, long time, it is heart-breaking. It is like watching an immense dam start to crumble. You and others (spectators of sorts) stand by and watch intently. You may not have noticed when the first miniscule cracks started. But they were there all along. As they descend or ascend or crack sideways even, you see the damage. You try first desperately and angrily too to patch the cracks. And this seems to work temporarily. But in your heart and in your mind, the fissures grow and multiply exponentially and with abandon too. One upon another until all you see are the cracks. And you cry and wonder why....Late at night, when you are alone...When you see others happy-no cracks there, right? You are not envious because that is foolish....After all there may be cracks there! You cannot know! And who really cares anyway! You have your own cracks to manage...Eventually-and this is different for each of us(those affected, that is), one realizes this slow, painful, agonizing death is inevitable. No one can fix this-no how, no way! Nothing your friends can say or do helps! It is nice to have any comfort, but it makes no real difference. Everyone hates funerals! There is nothing else to say....It is just a waiting game. And I must wait...The reasons are real and do make sense. On all levels. So that is all I have to say about broken things. For those of you who have them presently. See if you can fix them. Whatever they may be...Those broken items sitting on shelves...Buy some damn glue and patch them up if you still want them. Or throw them out! Why do people keep things around that will never be fixed or used? And if your broken thing/things are bigger-much bigger-ponder this....Do you think it can be repaired? Is it worthwhile? Is the effort realistic? Or are you just a dreamer? A romantic fool? An idiot? Only you have the answer for those questions....I bid you good day. And good repair if you are able to....Thank you for listening. (Going to walk the dogs. The fresh air and nature will soothe me! Kisses....)
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May 20, 2012