I Am In My Own Dimention

I feel like I am living my life, sometimes, in a prison made of glass.

All about me, are people--ordinary people--people with families, decent paying jobs, partners or spouses, friends that they see and spend time with---and also there's celebrities, politicians, yuppies, teachers, doctors...and then, there's me.

I always seem to be living outside life's circle. I feel like I'm living in a prison with glass walls--I can see and hear, even speak, to others--and they to me, most times--but...our lives never truly touch.

I look at celebrities like David Tennant and Britney Spears and Tom Cruise--their lives, I can't even begin to imagine--their daily experience of living, of being alive, is totally out of my realm. They might as well be from some underwater world or an alien planet, for all that they have in common with me and my world.

The same goes for politicans and teachers and doctors and yuppies---they have lives that they live everyday, that I can't even begin to dream about.

But even ordinary people--the people in my office, the people  I see in the store, or walking about the resort of Lake George on a summer's day, or at Saratoga Race Course on an August afternoon---their lives have become foreign to me as well.

I have no one to go anywhere with, no one to cook or shop for, to run errand for. I seldom can afford to go to the beauty shop for a haircut. I'm only able to shop for clothing, as a rule, once a year, maybe even only once every two years or so. I don't think about buying shoes, or doing my nails or having my hair done, like other women. I don't buy makeup but once every 4 to 5 months, as a rule--and do my best to make it last. I don't have the desire to watch the latest hot TV show, or banter about celebrity gossip.

I don't go out with the girls--never have, except for that one trip to the carriage auction--or go out with anyone--ever, for that matter.

I don't have a clue who most popular musciaians are, nowadays. Or what the popular TV shows are, as well. I don't know the current slang, or fashion trends.

What family I have left never bothers to inquire about me. I could die today, and it might be days before anyone knows.

At my job--I'm just a bottom in the seat, I'm disposable, expendable, a throw-away person.

It always seems like life is going on around me, and I'm just sitting or standing there, watching. I've no way to touch them, and they are disinclined to touch me. They just walk by me, without so much as a passing glance, most times, like I'm a dress shop dummy in a storefront window.
whovian whovian
46-50, F
2 Responses Mar 19, 2007

Try traveling, it helps

Wow its like your life is my life. You said everything I'm going through but at least I think my family would miss if I were gone. I really do feel like life is passing me by, i wake up and go thru the same routine everyday. Nothing seem to want to change. I want to change but everything seems to be grounding me down so I cant change it. Still I am going to try to fight it, I want to be like Emmy in Mannequin. To be come real instead of just being the dummy. Not an easy task I think...lol