My Partner Is Depressed

I have been living with my partner for just under a year and we have been together just over 2 years.  He split with his wife and misses his kids.  She has made it very difficult for him since the split and since us getting together.  Its like life has been sucked out of him.  He has seeked Doctor advise and is going to a councilor.  In the meantime he says he doesnt want to live with me anymore and wants to move back to his mam and dads where things are familiar.  Says he needs to just concentrate on the kids, but the kids are happy and they come and stay with us once a week.  Does he love me? Is it just the depression?  Ive asked him to wait until the councilling is over, am I doing the right thing?  Is anyone out there who has gone through anything similar.

deunloved deunloved
31-35, F
4 Responses Mar 3, 2009

Just because he doesn't want to live with you right now it doesn't mean he doesn't love you. If you love him, if you truly and deeply love him, stay by his side - never let him go. Believe it or not, if anyone can help him heal it's you. It will take months, even a year or so but you CAN help him heal. How? Show him how much you truly love him. How do you do that? <br />
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Tell him every chance you get. While it may be hard for you to do so now, be warm, tender, affectionate and loving with him. Most important of all, listen to him. Just listen. Don't take anything he says personally. Remember, he's not himself. Just listen to him - validate him. DON'T treat him like a fraud. Believe EVERYTHING he tells you. <br />
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Never talk AT him. Talk to him but never AT him. Don't push, prod, provoke, yell, scream or rant at him. You could very well push him to SUICIDE. His life is literally in your hands.<br />
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Gently, lovingly and patiently encourage him to get the help he needs. This may involve a combination of medications and therapy. Whenever possible, go with him to ALL of his appointments. Sit in on and participate in his therapy sessions. By doing so you will show him that he has an ally in you and, together, you can resolve whatever it is that caused him to suffer from this illness in the first place.<br />
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Bottom line, the man you fell in love with is still there. His illness may be hiding him from you now but he's still there. He hasn't gone away. <br />
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He needs you now more than ever. If you stay by his side and help him the way I've described he WILL come back to you.<br />
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I wish you all the best :)

I have gone thru a similiar situation. I would advise you to be there for him in any way that you can. It's a good idea he is seeking counseling. It's hard for some people to discuss what's on their mind when they are depressed especially to loved ones in fear that they won't understand. Its always good to be surrounded by loved ones. Living with his family is probably not a bad idea. He might need some space to clear his mind up. Have you considered joining him in a session? Or possibly working out together? You would be surprised how much exercising helps. One more thing, if he is depressed remember..try not to take things too personal. If you guys are fighting, attempt not to feed in to it. Remember he is not himself. Hope this helps

Let him go ....It is not that he dont love you . His mind is just spinning from all the decissions he has made . If he stays he will start to blame you for his problems ...or he most likely already does . <br />
Yes I have been there and like you did not want to let go . But was to the point of losing my mind . So I let him go . I hurt and then a felt I hated him . That is something I never do is hate . <br />
we had been together 10 years . He left and had other short relationships and so did I . Then 18 month later he called and at first I would just not say much . I let him talk . After a few month of saying no to him asking me out .....I said one date . He took me out to eat and cried through the whole Dinner . Told me that I was the only good women he had ever known and he wanted just 25 years to make up for the bad he had done . Even though many people have question my sanity for taking him back ....he has been so wonderful and he most of all has been so happy . <br />
I am so glad I let him go ....because the man that I loved all the years is the man who is in my life now . He is not the unhappy jerk anymore . So let him go ...dont sit and wait on him . If he does come back then you will be so happy that you did ..let him go .

Hi <br />
Trying to understand a depressed persons head is impossible, the irrational thoughts and ideas they have do not make sense to us, and we are left guessing and wondering what it all means. Their lack of emotion that is shown to the partner is almost unbearable.<br />
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Whilst I am not in the same situation as you my partner has threatened to end things with me many of times, I have since left him due to infidelity. But my question to you is how long has he been seeing the councilor? Is he on any medication? And when you talk/fight about certain areas of your life does he have a completely different view point to what you see? I ask this last question because my partner and i have very different views on certain topics number 1 our business and relationship however my points of view seem to match or are similar to everyone else around me, i am not saying people should not have differing views however in my case my partners views are irrational and unfounded, yet his councilor has only heard his version of reality and has agreed that he is in the right - long long story but basically he does not go to work anymore because he thinks i do nothing and his councilor has told him he is completely right, he has left out the facts that he does not get up, shower blah blah blah. So what i am saying is that you may not know if he is being completely honest to his councilor, and this may be completely sub-consciously done.<br />
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I hope this has helped, hang in there, you yourself might find it helpful to seek council as well i have and recommend anybody regardless of their situation to do it.