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Depressed Again How Many Times!

My husband was diagonosed with Depression 7 years ago. At first he took pills Aropax but then ended up needing a larger dose until he could handle the stress no more and went on the sickness benefit for 6 months.

It was a great break for him he attended counselling sessions and got back on track got another job eventually he weaned himself off the pills. Unfortunately the joy was short lived job stress took over again he started quiting jobs or being made redundant.

He has mood swings of happiness to complete negativity. Two years ago he got a good stable job but the negative moods are starting to affect me to. I used to brush them off but now I'm older I still love him and his illness hurts me.

I have 3 good friends who lend me their shoulder to cry on but I can't keep doing this! One says he should go back on meds, another just lends her ear her father is like this also so can sypathise and the other says I should leave him while I'm still young and meet someone nice uncomplicated.

What to do? We have 2 kids also so I'd prefer to stay for their sake. His own family aren't that caring and this is the main reason he turned out this way he never feels good enough in their eyes. His parents don't even call on his birthday right ******.

jollyone jollyone 41-45, F 6 Responses Apr 18, 2010

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A relationship - a happy relationship - is one where BOTH bear their responsibilities to one another. Yes, it's true he is very ill at the moment but if he absolutely refuses to get any kind of help he's being selfish and is shirking his responsibilities towards you and your children. That being the case what you have is a toxic relationship one from which nothing - and I mean NOTHING - good can come from. (By the way, children are very perceptive and absorb everything around them. If they are not in an environment where their parents enjoy a healthy and loving relationship they know it even if they don't understand why. Staying together "for the kids" will only succeed in damaging and quite possibly scarring them for life.) If he insists on not getting any type of help whatsoever then you need to move on. A happy relationship is not just about taking - it's about GIVING too. All the best! :)

Thanks for your message he has since gone on medication and given up smoking so starting to make an effort things not perfect but were coping thanks

Glad he's taking steps in the right direction. Don't let him off the hook too easy though. You need to start seeing a real change in his attitude and in the way he's treating you and your children. That means continuing to work on the issues affecting you until they no longer define your relationship. Take care!

I am so sorry that you are living this way.....I am too :(. My husband hardly stays at a job more than 2 years and sounds a lot like your husband (except mine isn't diagnosed and will not see a doctor).<br />
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Thank you for adding me as a friend....reach out anytime you need!<br />
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You are a strong, admirable woman!!

He has since gone back on meds and given up smoking trying to make more of an effort but still has angry outbursts occassionally which scare me

I understand that. Just last week the school nurse called me about our youngest in the clinic...nothing serious but he wanted to come home. I left work and got him.....husband blew up and was irate. He works from home and was much closer...stupid that I would leave work..."if I'm such an A-hole that I needed to be avoided, then maybe I should just move out"....etc. It took him all day to calm down, and he still can't address it without getting worked up. Geez

you are a really good mom and wife. i think in the end , you will have to decide what you can and can not put up with dear. <br />
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some people separate when the kids are older, on the other hand it may be better to have come from a broken home than to live in a home that is broken. (Dr Phil said this today )<br />
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hugs and love you!<br />
K.

Hi, I also have a husband who is depressed. I think he has been for years but only started on meds last Oct. He too has left his job and we are on a sickness benefit. I work part time currently but am looking for fulltime work so we dont lose the house. We have 2 young kids.<br />
I am tired. I would like to get off this roller coaster but when?<br />
<br />
Thanks for sharing.

It sounds as if he is bi-polar( manic depressive). I have suffered depression most of my life, at least from my early teens until now.It took me 30+ years to find the right med for me.I currently take the max dosage of wellbutrin, however I have Depression.I have very low lows but no highs.Believe me I would love to be manic.Having no highs is not a fun way to live.My depression does not affect my marriage unless I get into a very black depression, then nothing any one does can help. I must pull myself out of it or become suicidal again.<br />
I have a bi-polar sister-in-law. When she takes her meds rght she is cool to be around. She likes to play with her meds tho and winds up in the mental hospital every other month.<br />
Your husband probably will need a combination of meds if he is bi-polar. Get him to a good psychatrist(spelling-I say shrink). Have him tested and hopefully they can find the right mix of meds to bring back your husband.<br />
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Be at peace

First of all, I think you are doing an admirable thing. It's been 7 years, right? He's been fighting, but less people know you have been fighting, too. Don't let anything make you weak and lose hope. Don't give him up, because without you, he has no one.<br />
Just try your best, OK? He will receive strength from you as long as he knows that you're there and always love him. Things will become better eventually, I'm sure.