Living As An Infertile Woman

Hello I am 46yrs old I was told I was infertile at the age of twenty one. At the young age of 17 I fell in love with a boy in my school names James. James could do no wrong in my eyes although he was rumored to be a bad boy I didn't care. I began to have unprotected sex with James although rumors were spreading that he had Gonorrhea!! I didn't believe it. I became pregnant, before I even knew I was pregnant, I was already three months, I complained to my mom of constant stomachaches she thought maybe it was an ulcer since it ran in my family. I was young and clueless as to the changes going on in my body even though a girl at school looked at my belly and said "you're pregnant" I came home from school one day, ran to the bathroom and vomited. My mom asked if I was pregnant. She gave me a test and I was. She was furious and forced me to abort the baby. I was and still to this day am very saddened by that decision!!! After the procedure the nurse called a few days later to inform me that I had Gonorrhea. I cried and cried and called James immediately. James denied that he had it and said I must have gotten it from another boy. I knew that wasn't true because he was the only one I was with. Because of the decision I made to have unprotected sex with him I am Infertile. My fallopian tubes are blocked, I have had two surgeries to try to repair them and they are beyond repair. My first fertility test was given at the age of 21 I was dating a young man and we planned to get married. we went to have me checked out because i was not getting pregnant. Living with Infertility is so hard and emotionally painful. At times I feel less than a woman. I could not afford Invitro and insurance would not cover it in 1993 and 2002 when I had my surgeries to repair the tubes. I avoid baby showers even to this day although I am 46 the emotional scar and longing for my first baby is still there.
scorpion66 scorpion66
46-50, F
Dec 6, 2012