I Was Married For 25 Years In A Loveless Adulterated Marriage

I stayed because of the kids and did my duty to raise them to the ages of 19 and 22. I travelled all the time so it gave her plenty of money and time to well cheat and support other men.

I finally left. After Leaving my daughter was supposed to come and see me on thanksgiving,she never showed and went with her mother and her boyfriend instead. I got severly depressed and planned to kill myself. As a last resort I posted here on EP. 

A very nice person (#### Name withheld) started talking to me and we became close friends to the point I flew to her location and spent Christmas and newyears with her.After returning home She asked me to move down there and stay with her. so I packed and left.

We lived together for a couple months but see she suffers from severe depresion too and I have somewhat of a yelling issue, i would never strike a woman but the yelling during a fight would scare her, i didnt want that.

She then asked me to leave which I did ASAP. I still love her and we started meeting mid way in another state a couple times a month. She said she wanted to grow old with me but then hops on a plane to england to forget about everything and all the pressure  She wont even call me I get an occational one line email. She is only gone 14 days but I cant get an answer out of her if we are even together anymore or not.

I'm losing my mind here and feel like just finding the quickiest way to just off myself. I really have nothing except my do whom my mom would take if die.

This one was different, I never felt the love nor compassion from my ex wife nor any other girlfriend it feels like god brought us together but I'm just not worthy of her love.

I need someone to talk to or i'm afraid what I might do. Losing it here. I considered her my best friend and soulmate. Time will heal all wounds. I will not talk bad about her as she was a part of my life I would not trade, even if it was short lived.

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2 Responses May 14, 2012

It isn't that you're not worthy. It may be that you just weren't right for each other. I've been in the same position as you, and I know there are no words that I can magically say that will help you. There are people who care about you; it's just not that easy to see when you're in that state of mind. Find something to do to take your mind off her, even if it's just reading or playing mindless videogames. And this is the perfect place to vent or find someone to talk to when things seem unbearable.<br />
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Hang in there.

Have you ever heard of "rebound"? It's all too real. It sounds like you were used and abused in your first marriage. You did what you thought was right and your children will see that, give them the chance to see that. To love that about you. To have some understanding about it all. If you "end it" it leaves nothing but ravaged hearts with an open book full of confusing and conflicting information. It also leaves your ex Cart Blanche to tell them anything she likes about you!<br />
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Getting on the subject of CYSL? That's "rebound". Getting out of one relationship and jumping into another. Most people do it so don't feel alone. The sad thing about it is it rarely, if ever works out.<br />
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When you're hurt as bad as you were it's going to take time to heal. CYSL does not feel the same about you or she would be with you. Give yourself some time. Spend time with your children so they understand how you feel in all this. Not too much information please.<br />
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Do you know that if a parent committs suicide there is a 50 percent chance that their children will do the same? I know you don't want that.<br />
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Please at least consider what I have said. You have a friend here.<br />