I Have Trouble Talking To Girls Because I Suffered A Traumatic Event Caused By My Own Actions

OK, so here is what happened starting about 6 years ago, at the time I was nearing the end of my grade 5 year. I was just walking around the school on recess when I saw this girl doing car wheels (I can remember it like it was yesterday) I thought she was really cute. o on lunch me and my friend went to the top of this hill and we pretended we had binocuors to find girls we thought were cute, I pointed out this one to him but they saw us so I ran away but they ended up finding us and that is when it all began, I saw her up close and I was infatuated. The next year in grade 6 I found out that she was in my class and whenever I would see her there my feelings would develop, same with at dances. Unfortunately the one time I asked her to go I could not get a ticket and she got mad. But that was ok. The last day of school when we were walking home she said I liked another girl and ran off as a joke bu I told I loved her (stupid word for the time) I never saw her that summer. The next year in grade 7 she in y class and here is the event that cursed me. I was in that class for about 2 weeks and she never talked to me and whenever she heard my name I noticed she rolled her eyes so I made the stupidest decision of my life, I STOOD UP GAVE HER THE MIDDLE FINGER ON BOTH MY HANDS AND YELLED AT THE TOP OF MY LUNGS, "YOU KNOW WHAT? **** YOU JANELL." She went off to her friends crying and they all yelled at me. That was the end of all the friends I ever had for two years untill grade nine. I have tried to get over her and mostly succeeded but whenever I see her I can not help but thin how different my life would be if I just kept my mouth shut, and how much more confidence and loving I could have been. So now I have this huge problem with talking to people for I am afraid I can only say things that make me sound really stupid and that is all that comes out now, especially around girls. I have A HUGE FEAR of relationships now and I have no idea how to fix it! PLEASE HELP! I would love a girls prospective but all are welcome. I know what I did was wrong ;(
foofoo123 foofoo123
18-21
May 14, 2012