None Now, Anyway...

I had a few fairly close friends in high school, which I was thankful for because I was never popular or interesting, so at least I had someone to hang around with. But after high school, they all moved away, we lost touch and I never filled the hole they left. I've always been a very shy person, but it seems to have intensified since high school, and as such I can barely talk to another person without getting very paranoid that they actually don't like me. I tell myself that I just want to be left alone, but I wonder if I'm just trying to justify to myself why I have NO friends. Really. None. No one to go out with after work, or have a drink with or just hang out at home. People say, "Oh, just start talking to people. Engage them in conversation. Find out what they like and see if you have any common interests." Wow. Thanks for the advice, but I HAVE no conversation skills, I CAN'T small talk, I HAVE no interests, and there is no way anyone would want to hang out with me. I'm a very good person. I'm kind and funny, but I'm not someone you think of first when you do want to do something with. I'm not "best bud" material. I wish I was, but I feel I'm destined for a life of loneliness and despair.

EnigmaVest EnigmaVest
22-25, M
7 Responses Jul 23, 2009

I'm like the female version of you :P only thing i am not funny and I'm always serious.

That sounds like me too!

Well Enigma Vest, you don't have to worry about putting your thoughts on paper because you do that well. Your spelling is good also. I haven't won any awards for gathering friends myself, but I don't worry about it any more because I just be nice to everyone. Some times I have little conversations with the cashier at CVS or the grocery store lady. It's not what you talk about. It's the fact that you get to talk and other people talk back to you. You'll find that some of the most meaningless conversations at the store can be fun because someone took the time to smile and converse with you. I wonder sometimes how many of them don't have friends because they take care of family and work, work, work. But if you are up to it.......................I can always be your friend. I like all kinds of people in all kinds of places. I just came back from a small vacation to the Bahamas and met some wonderful people who live there. It made me extremely sad how hard they have to work just for a small pay selling purses and things like that. Have a good day and drop me a line if you care to.

Everyone feels lonely inside sometimes, and most of us feel lonely inside most of the time. Here's a little food for thought:<br />
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People like it when you talk to them. It's not because YOU are interesting, it's because you are interested in THEM.<br />
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Ask lots of questions when you talk to someone. Everybody's favorite subject is himself or herself. Listen more than you talk; that should take the pressure off of you, and help the other person like you more.<br />
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If you feel like you don't have anything to talk about, take a class or join a book club, or ANYTHING that you're interested in. It's not about the class so much as having SOMETHING to talk about when you do get a chance to talk to someone.

part 2: I guess I ramble! you are not any of the negative things you feel, say or do. they may be a special part of what makes you so unique and special, but they are not you completely. I sense a lot of pain in you, but I also sense you have a lot to offer! hang in there, the friends will come!

skylike, I am not by any means trying to claim that the words you have said are untrue, but no words are all-inclusive for everybody. for many reasons of which I will not go into now, my heart has grown to love enigmavest (and just in about an hour and three of his stories) some peopleare born painfully shy -- we have all seen tots hiding behind their mamas skirt when encountered by new people -- and that shyness can easily turn to self-doubt and insecurity -- children can be quite cruel to one another. that shyness and insecurity, if not eased early on, often remains and festers. this leads to social-anxiety, depression, and if lived with for too long, chronic despair and lonely. I do try to just be good to people, as Im certain enigmavest does, and the findings are often the same.... people with self-image issues are easy targets for users and manipulators, which makes said social problems even worse -- "why cant I attract people who wont use me, abuse me, or misuse me? maybe there reallY IS something wrong with me!" dont believe it enigma vest! there is nothing wrong with you that support and compassion cant help. I offer both. and I know thats what skylike is trying to offer as well, just maybe from aperspective that hasnt actually felt that social awkwardness. again, skylike, I appreciate your response to enigmavest and you a make good suggestions.... inspite of often being used, I still choose to give of myself. and yes, finding a passion is absolutely necessary, I agree, but that doesnt mean that either will remove the problem. At a certain point, only love, support, compassion and understanding will banish the demon. EV (hey! my inspirations initials!) youre doing fine, and this site is a great place to start. hone your communication skills ( youre a very artículate man) open up to people and find that you are not Alone! You are not weak (I hope no one here thinks its about weakness- it takes a lot of strength to continue in this world when you are trapped in Alone) You are not any of the negative things

I was the same way in high school. I'm on facebook and found one of the girls that I started to become friends with, then I moved. She stayes friends with my one and only best friend until she died in a car accident. Anyway, since I got in contact with her a lot of people from my high school had put me in as friends. I don't know any of them but they remember me. My mother lost everything that I owned from that time so one of the guys sent me a high school picture of me in my sophmore year. Ewwww. Just what I needed. I'm still getting new friends from there. Even though I didn't graduate, I had to leave in my 3rd month of my senior year, they invited me to the 40th reunion. 40 years!!!!!!!

dude..its a very common way of thinking ..i personally call it punk or maverick thinking where a person inside knows whats wrong in him but due to attitude up there he refuses to change. he feels happy the way he is, he actually makes himself believe and takes pleasure in suffering.. dude everyone in life comes alone and goes along..we reincarnate and cycle goes on...but what matters is how we live how we share...just two suggestions 1. try to keep people around you happy ( but dn t get used) and 2. decide a goal for yourlife like senate or top person in job...try them once and i m sure i wn t find u active in this thread anymore...