I'm Suspicious Of Those Who Befriend MeIt never used to be this way. When I was in highschool I had a wonderful group of friends that I spent all my time with. They were good friends. Real ones. After highschool we drifted apart, especially once I moved to a different city. I had trouble making friends in the new city, but I did meet some people to hang out with. A few of them were fake friends and I had to end things. The real friends have moved away.
When I was in university, I made very few friends, probably because I didn't try very hard. I felt that I didn't fit in anywhere. Looking back, I can see there were people who tried to befriend me that I do actually like and for some reason I did not take advantage of it. And now it is too late. It's like there's something inside me that causes me to ignore anyone who approaches me. Even now, I can sense a friendship forming between myself and this other girl at work, and it is freaking me out. I understand intellectually that I can be a good friend to someone, and I can be fun to hang out with and I'm loyal. But for some reason when someone I like tries to befriend me, I have trouble believing that they actually like me. I question it and I wonder what they really want out of me.
I want so badly to have a meaningful friendship, but the actual act of becoming close to someone scares me.
I only have one real friend right now, and she lives in another city. I am so thankful to have her as a friend, although I often wish that I had more friends in my own city that I could hang out with. I hate when I see something that looks like fun to do, then I realize I have nobody to go do it with. I hate coming home at the end of the day and wanting someone to talk to, only to realize there is nobody that I can call. I used to have a boyfriend that was my best friend but we broke up two months ago. So ever since that has happened I have come to realize just how friendless I really am.
Sunburst 22-25 1 Response 0 Apr 9, 2011