Can't Make New Friends; Zero Confidence

So its been 4 days since ive been on this website and I've given some advice to a few people... But now it feels kinda weird asking for advice, even though I sorta know the answer... I am 21 years old... Back in 9th grade (when i was 14), a friend of mine, suddenly became one of the popular kids in school. Initially, I used to hang out with them too, but something went wrong. She turned against me, started spreading rumours about me. (I am fat and I don't look like a glam queen... and I felt that was the reason she didnt wanna be friends with me anymore. That was a big hit to my self esteem. She was my friend since childhood, about 10 years! ans poof, all of a sudden she doesn't wanna be friends with me? So I distanced myself from them, thinking that once I move on to college (thats 11th grade) I'll make new ones. Alas, I couldn't, because of my insecurities, my complicated issues with myself. Then I thought, I'd make friends during my internship (which lasted for 3 years)... But I failed there as well. Today, I am 21, with no friends (except one or two), absolutely no social life. I wake up, study, eat, play random games on facebook and go to sleep. The cycle continues. I know I am a good person and that I do have a great sense of humor. But I don't know how to make friends. I really want a social life, I want friends, I wanna be there for people. What I don't understand is, everyone in my family says that the minute I learn to love myself, friends will come in my life. I wonder how? Will people just mystically get attracted towards me if i up my confidence? If so, how the hell do I get my confidence back? Am happy though to have been blessed with a loving family.

Will appreciate any comments on this.
Hopingforabetterfuture Hopingforabetterfuture
6 Responses Jan 27, 2012

While I am absolutely the last person to give advice to I suggest you expand your world. Join ( and I really hate joining things myself) a society/club/group, a place where your passions are shared. Check out "meet" No I am not promoting them. I just figure you would be better off surrounding your self with people who have things in common and - Screw fairweather friends.

Hi, been there myself. used to hate myself that I did not look into the mirror. I agree with scubertus above. It's not about loosing weight but doing excercises itself will make you better. And do not expect praises from others. Praise yourself if you do well. I still don't have many friends but the difference is now I don't bother about it. I can go anywhere by myself and feel fine. Good luck.

and you're right about baby steps... after all its the little things in life that truly matter and that make us happy!!

@forestlight, lidibear and scubertus: Thank you sooo much!! <3 Really appreciate this!! I am going to take up your advice... and say try and report a weightloss or something good in the coming 4-5 months!! :D <br />
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Your family loves you more than you can comprehend. Keep them close and don't be afraid to reach out to them our the close friends you mentioned. They want to help you be happy/content with your life. <br />
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I recommend actively reviewing your daily routines and adjust them to incorporate things that make you happy. Playing Facebook games is simply a time filler. I understand the need to turn your brian off and just veg, but you'd be much better off filling your life with positive activities.<br />
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Work on your diet and develop an exercise routine - and remember that nothing happens overnight. Baby steps. You said you were overweight, and I am NOT suggesting that becoming slimmer will make you happy, but the endorphins released from even a slight workout will benefit your concept of where you are in life, and you begin feeling better about yourself.<br />
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That will translate to confidence. Plan your days events and look at how they will impact your sense of well being. Good luck to you! I'm certain you are a wonderful person and the people you allow into your life are lucky to know you.

Oh dear! Sorry for the atrocious spelling :-/

Your family is right. Ppl are drawn to confidence. You know you are funny and a good person. That's a start. When you accept yourself other ppl will too. Same thing happened to me in the 10th grade. On my birthday actually. I have forgiven those so called friends and moved past it. Their loss.