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It Has.........

Always been my belief that loneliness is something within. A state of mind, if you will allow me to call it such.  To me, that feeling is what happens when one is left alone with their thoughts. That odd feeling you get when you are, in a sense, living in your head.  That feeling that overwhelms you when you know no one in the very same room as you knows what you're feeling.

You see, i find it hard to relate to most, although for whatever reason- most people love being around me. Now, thats not arrogance talking- its the truth. People in general, love being around me. They find me funny and accepting. Its easy to talk to me. I will always lend you an ear or a shoulder to lean on.

The irony of it all is that most of the time, i dont feel like anyone can relate to me. I may be wearing a smile and making jokes while playing the drunk girl. the girl that just showed up at your house high. But, they've no idea whats going on in my head.

Some call me arrogant. When i get into my quiet phases. But, im so far from that......... Some chalk it all up to me being drunk or high. But, in reality? Im really analyzing every single person in the room. I cant help it.

Sure i can spend time off of this PC and go off and hangout with my "friends". I can go back and party like i used to. But, whats really the point? Either way, none of them get me like some do on this site. Sad, no? That a group of people whom i never met know me far more than the people that surround me everyday.

ha! Its funny in a way......... the roles that we play. The things that no one else will get to know about me.
EdieQuinnz EdieQuinnz 31-35, F 75 Responses Jun 14, 2010

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is this "condition" that you experience one that you are content to live for the rest of your life ?

yes, its not so bad.

Word for word the same for me

i'm the same way...we've gotten the perception of loneliness because through our analysis of people, we'd know what's their next step, intentions, actions, etc. but when we'd warn them of the foreboding pitfall, they refuse it and can't see it. they would move towards the pitfall and fall in screaming, "no one could've seen this comingggggg...." seeing the world differently or purely for what it is has a tendency to separates us from the flock and make us lonely. but it's ok, there are others like us out there. werd

Ah! The intro to a good book! Close your browser, open up word, and type the other six or nine hundred pages. Put some semiotic easter-eggs in there for me!

=) lmfao

This is the most commonly held conversation on the planet, and seems a perfect backdrop to your story...

A: "How ya doin?"

B: "Fine."

We all have ups and downs, and most days I just float on the surface of the real world because I simply don't want to get into it with every person who asks that inane question. :)

Aside from what Jack Nicholson says, they likely could handle the truth; but it only takes half a second to determine the worth of sharing it with that person.

Once I found this medium I realized how anal retentive FB is.. And how much I realize I dislike that. Better to get something out here once, and be done with it. Responses here are more likely to be less artificial. But I digress.

My point is, I may have chosen to keep somewhat to myself in the real at this point, but I feel less alone or in my head on here because (for better or worse) I can lay my brain out once then let the chips fall where they may. RL can be exhausting at times. :D

so true!

I've been scrolling through stories trying to find one that sounds similar to me and I was relieved when I came upon yours. I'm really good at listening and saying yes to the next event and engaging myself with my friends, but the entire time I feel different. I often sit back and observe the crowd. I used to think something was wrong with me but now I see there is something wrong with everyone else!

exactly!

=) thats the wonder of ep Rick

you'll meet them. they are out there.......just gotta filter out the rest

Just have to hope the filter doesn't get clogged!

Where's the fun in going out when the only ones who really get you simply can't be there? Personally I want to get out and find someone who does get me... I wish I knew people like you in real life.

Yes indeed Ms. Tendereyes

You nailed it sir!

I know what you mean ..you walk into a room and breathe...it seems time stands still as you look around the room and observe everything in almost detail..people objects..faces..then after awhile they notcie you ..you talk, laugh, joke..only a surface reflection of yourself mirrors some faint trace of who you are..but you never fully feel comfortable to reveal yourself completely..they all strut around the room in thier actions like actors on the stage trying desparately for a spotlight that isn't there..you think to yourself why ****** bother..and you breathe in the room and absorb it all with amusement...and you think what a waste of energy these people do to impress and want to be needed and excepted in society..like marionetes they dance around..some appraoch and talk their muttered voice echo and they talk in shallow depths in desparation to impress..you fake the dance and smile and joke again and disappear in a corner with a drink or a distaction to continue to watch like a cat or predator observing prey with amusement.

yarrrr? i have my heavy moments

Too heavy for me......

Thank you Ambivilent- NAMASTE (sorry, yoga terms just kicked in)



*blinks at monkey* you wish mofo

quote- while playing the drunk girl. the girl that just showed up at your house high end quote- heh, show up at my place anytime like that, lolzz...trust me, I WOULDN'T MIND AT ALL*drool running down side of mouth*

You are an intelligent human being, whom deserves recogition, due to your communicative nature and intention............

=) thank you. A good shot, fyi

Gotta open up more......then you will be able to find people you truly connect with. NOT be in a bubble. I used to project, but i just got sick of it. My friends know EVERYTHING about me down to the last detail. BUT, i have to admit, I only have 3 best friends. When you open up sometimes you get burned and people are like WTF he/she is demented....but some people can relate. IMO, that is why i think you blend with people here more, you can truly express yourself. Don't get me wrong, you probably have great friends, but they just aren't 100 percent compatible with ....i dunno.....don't know you well enough and what has gone on in your life to really explain anything.....this is just a shot in the dark.....*turns on light*

ok sir

you know where can you find me

I agree blu, here we don't need the masks we use in everyday life, we just express who we are. In a way it's easier.

meaning?

shame - could've been better

i can be the real G when im happy too sir.

=) you're a good person too my sober/drunk buddy

and it sad that you are real G only when you feel a little bit down.

What I saw in this story is a person.

No you haven't, and that's what makes you a damn fine good person.

do i evah lie to you babycakez? nevahhhhhhhh =)

I feel exactly the same. What you said about it being alone is from within... is the 100% truth. You can be mr or mrs popular in a room packed full of people but no one knows what's really wrong. No one knows you feel alone. And that's what's really scary about it if you think of it.