It Has.........

Always been my belief that loneliness is something within. A state of mind, if you will allow me to call it such.  To me, that feeling is what happens when one is left alone with their thoughts. That odd feeling you get when you are, in a sense, living in your head.  That feeling that overwhelms you when you know no one in the very same room as you knows what you're feeling.

You see, i find it hard to relate to most, although for whatever reason- most people love being around me. Now, thats not arrogance talking- its the truth. People in general, love being around me. They find me funny and accepting. Its easy to talk to me. I will always lend you an ear or a shoulder to lean on.

The irony of it all is that most of the time, i dont feel like anyone can relate to me. I may be wearing a smile and making jokes while playing the drunk girl. the girl that just showed up at your house high. But, they've no idea whats going on in my head.

Some call me arrogant. When i get into my quiet phases. But, im so far from that......... Some chalk it all up to me being drunk or high. But, in reality? Im really analyzing every single person in the room. I cant help it.

Sure i can spend time off of this PC and go off and hangout with my "friends". I can go back and party like i used to. But, whats really the point? Either way, none of them get me like some do on this site. Sad, no? That a group of people whom i never met know me far more than the people that surround me everyday.

ha! Its funny in a way......... the roles that we play. The things that no one else will get to know about me.
EdieQuinnz EdieQuinnz
31-35, F
70 Responses Jun 14, 2010

is this "condition" that you experience one that you are content to live for the rest of your life ?

yes, its not so bad.

Word for word the same for me

i'm the same way...we've gotten the perception of loneliness because through our analysis of people, we'd know what's their next step, intentions, actions, etc. but when we'd warn them of the foreboding pitfall, they refuse it and can't see it. they would move towards the pitfall and fall in screaming, "no one could've seen this comingggggg...." seeing the world differently or purely for what it is has a tendency to separates us from the flock and make us lonely. but it's ok, there are others like us out there. werd

Ah! The intro to a good book! Close your browser, open up word, and type the other six or nine hundred pages. Put some semiotic easter-eggs in there for me!

=) lmfao

I've been scrolling through stories trying to find one that sounds similar to me and I was relieved when I came upon yours. I'm really good at listening and saying yes to the next event and engaging myself with my friends, but the entire time I feel different. I often sit back and observe the crowd. I used to think something was wrong with me but now I see there is something wrong with everyone else!


=) thats the wonder of ep Rick

you'll meet them. they are out there.......just gotta filter out the rest

Yes indeed Ms. Tendereyes

You nailed it sir!

I know what you mean walk into a room and seems time stands still as you look around the room and observe everything in almost detail..people ob<x>jects..faces..then after awhile they notcie you talk, laugh, joke..only a surface reflection of yourself mirrors some faint trace of who you are..but you never fully feel comfortable to reveal yourself completely..they all strut around the room in thier actions like actors on the stage trying desparately for a spotlight that isn't think to yourself why ****** bother..and you breathe in the room and absorb it all with amusement...and you think what a waste of energy these people do to impress and want to be needed and excepted in marionetes they dance around..some appraoch and talk their muttered voice echo and they talk in shallow depths in desparation to fake the dance and smile and joke again and disappear in a corner with a drink or a distaction to continue to watch like a cat or predator observing prey with amusement.

yarrrr? i have my heavy moments

Too heavy for me......

Thank you Ambivilent- NAMASTE (sorry, yoga terms just kicked in) <br />
<br />
*bl<x>inks at monkey* you wish mofo

quote- while playing the drunk girl. the girl that just showed up at your house high end quote- heh, show up at my place anytime like that, me, I WOULDN'T MIND AT ALL*drool running down side of mouth*

You are an intelligent human being, whom deserves recogition, due to your communicative nature and intention............

=) thank you. A good shot, fyi

Gotta open up more......then you will be able to find people you truly connect with. NOT be in a bubble. I used to project, but i just got sick of it. My friends know EVERYTHING about me down to the last detail. BUT, i have to admit, I only have 3 best friends. When you open up sometimes you get burned and people are like WTF he/she is demented....but some people can relate. IMO, that is why i think you blend with people here more, you can truly express yourself. Don't get me wrong, you probably have great friends, but they just aren't 100 percent compatible with ....i dunno.....don't know you well enough and what has gone on in your life to really explain anything.....this is just a shot in the dark.....*turns on light*

ok sir

you know where can you find me

I agree blu, here we don't need the masks we use in everyday life, we just express who we are. In a way it's easier.


shame - could've been better

i can be the real G when im happy too sir.

=) you're a good person too my sober/drunk buddy

and it sad that you are real G only when you feel a little bit down.<br />
What I saw in this story is a person.

No you haven't, and that's what makes you a damn fine good person.

do i evah lie to you babycakez? nevahhhhhhhh =)

I feel exactly the same. What you said about it being alone is from within... is the 100% truth. You can be mr or mrs popular in a room packed full of people but no one knows what's really wrong. No one knows you feel alone. And that's what's really scary about it if you think of it.

=) *hugssssssss*

We all look for understanding and belonging, for someone who really "gets us" and accepts us as we are. I don't know if I do "get you", but I do accept you and love you as you are. *hugs*

Jin is magicccccccccccccccccccccc! <br />
<br />
Noggin is about to get my foot in his arse

noggin wants my ladygarden...

Its ok now.... you got me sweetie *bites apple* *throws core in the void*<br />
<br />
What did that dude say? Do not spend too much time looking into the abyss for at the same time the abyss is also looking into you..... he obviously hadnt lost his apple.... or his Jin.... *shouts into the void* JIIIIIIIINNNNNNN!!!!<br />
<br />
You.... are fukkin magic.

yes, i agree. But thats part of the process. As you go thru life you filter out the ones that arent friends, the toxic ones and ones you kinda grow apart from.

yeah Shen rocks

awesome poem shen!

Noggin, why in **** is your name Kevin if you're a female?

Noggin arent you the one that called me nasty for no reason? GTFO my story

I think people on a site like this get you or any other person better than people we know because there is no fear of opening up and sharing what is going on in our heads,what we really feel and fear or like and dislike.I guess the bottom line is it is nice to have a place like this to share whow e really are.Thanks fro sharing.

Thanks Facing and you said that very well =)

hahaha Jin <br />
<br />
thankies Ican

You spoke nothing but the truth. :)

ouchies! now that will cause major holy butthurt

=) yes, that sums it up perfectly

I wrote a poem once. I think it relates to what you feel here. You have reached a point in your life where you feel that there has to be more for your sense of fulfillment. Here it goes:<br />
<br />
The Path to take lies in the mind,<br />
The Truth to know lies in the heart,<br />
When apart from them you truly start,<br />
Knowing what you thought was right,<br />
Were lies fooling you left and right<br />
<br />
They look outwards to find the world,<br />
But guided with the light of wisdom,<br />
You look inwards to find the cosmos<br />
<br />
Light of wisdom is the fine art,<br />
Shone only through mind and heart,<br />
To light Path and Truth not apart,<br />
Shown only through mind and heart,<br />
To navigate Life sweet or tart<br />
<br />
They say life is good; death is bad,<br />
But to lose themselves in the world,<br />
Light of wisdom shows just how sad,<br />
To exist only for fleeting times,<br />
For good moments however sublime<br />
<br />
Discarding the light of wisdom,<br />
They take false trails and lies,<br />
They think they live a good life,<br />
You know they have already died,<br />
They may exist but do not Live

lol im not

hahaha nevah. you know me better than to ask that

thanks for sharing

Well said Dragon. <br />
<br />
Yes Izzy, you definately get me.

I so agree

facingmyfears is on the right track. In a face-to-face social situation, one is generally more guarded and less willing to share their inner thoughts and feelings. Here, one is free to say what one thinks and feels without the fear of being misread or castigated (there are so many on the internet that even if some don't get you, others surely will). <br />
Interestingly, the internet (a product of technology) gives us places like this which encourage introspection and true dialogue (often lacking at a party or a bar). We are able to place our thoughts out there and get well thought out responses (partially because we don't have to respond immediately or fear being considered rude). This allows others to gain more of an understanding of who we really are than most would find out at social events. The introvert doesn't feel as lonely in a crowd on the internet as he/she does at social events. <br />
There are people I grew up with who I never understood as well while we were growing up as I do now after being their friend on Facebook. There are people on this and other sites who I have come to care about (and them about me) and who "get me" in ways that few, if any, of those who "really" know me ever will, even though we have never met in person (and most of us never will). Sad? No...I don't think so (but I do find it fascinating).

=) i always share with you guys.

You are all correct. Archie, right on the spot. Martinelli- yeah same here. Soursweet, I always keep that in mind =) <br />
<br />
Ahhhh Facing, yes, yes, and on all counts yes. <br />
<br />
Bleed- that ******* perv wanted to kiss your kids? eeeeeck!

I've only blocked one person so far, the pervert wanted to kiss my kids!!!

As long as you remember you're part of this crazy life, you have all that wealth in you, you're just alone because of circumstances and then one moment comes when you feel the link more strongly because someone digs you, not all the time, but often enough to feel you belong.

Oh i know that Peza. Thats what i meant. In a room full of people you can feel lonely. And i know more people feel that way than they care to admit.

You don't necessarily need to be alone to feel lonely , Ediez.<br />
My guess is that more people feel that way than care to admit.

haha the infamous block button. I rarely use it. Kinda fun having some random stranger just get annoyed over something you've written.

Beautifully written. I feel the same way most of the time except i'm not that popular :p<br />
<br />
It's easier to open up and be yourself in here when you've got nothing to lose and there are a lot of like minded people. When you do get criticisms it doesn't really bother you as you're able to distance yourself as they're only words on a screen and everyone's entitled to their own opinions. And if it does, that's why we have the block button ;)

Yes, thats how i view it too. Im not in need. Im fine just the way things are.

=) thanks De. and you make complete sense about being in a different stage in life. <br />
<br />
*hugs to all* <br />
<br />
*pinches Star* Si, *sigh*

I know exactly what you mean---like EXACTLY what you mean. *sigh*

=) thanks LK! It is easier

I think its easier to share your secrets and wants/wishes with strangers than with people who you are afraid are going to judge you, gossip about you to other people you deal with on an every day basis. Makes sense to me Edie!

quieres que te hable en espanol? <br />
<br />
great avi btw

Perdoneme, me hablar espanol aprendar tu hablar


Nice story Ediez......i like this .............and much appreciated to you for sharing this....:)

We all do, no? At least one person.........someone else besides my teddy bear Squishy.

Who needs anyone, eh?