why does it feel like when im with my family .. i dont want to be there
i need some love
why does it feel like if i go somewhere alone..someone is missing..
i need some love
why is it that when im with the person i have a crush on.. i still feel empty..
whats this feeling..

its indescribable..undesirable... unspeakable..yet we feel it..we see it..we are hear it..we do nothing

im in a crowd of a million yet i feel like im in a room..a dark room
nothing up  nothing down..nothing left nothing right
the spotlights on me..
and im all alone..
in a crowd of a million

blah:P ohh im not trying to be depressing ..im jus expressing myself :)
deleted deleted
5 Responses Jan 4, 2008

feel the same

Hello there. I wanted to make a comment here. I think am a bit older then you guys, so I felt that I should share something with you. I used to be the kid in the hall trying to sneak by everyone without being noticed. As I got older I decided to make a choice. I am who I am and not everyone is going to like me. So I started speaking up when I felt I had something to say. Sometimes people agreed and sometimes not. <br />
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My point is I made a decision to take a chance. I said ok I can sit here in the background of life or take a bold step forward. I made up my mind first, if people like me that's great and if they didn't for some reason I was NOT going to let it crush me back against the wall. What made it easier is with age you become more comfortable with yourself, you relax more and it makes it easier to take that step forward.<br />
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Make up your mind before hand that no matter what happens, you will survive and learn from it. One day I was speaking with my sister and all of a sudden something very funny just rolled off my tong and she just lost it. I mean she was crying she was laughing so hard. I mentioned that I never used to be funny, but I had recently noticed that I was able to come up with some off the cuff funny remarks. She pointed out the fact that as I got older I felt more comfortable with who I was as a person. There for I was less afraid of what others thought of me because all that really mattered was that I was happy with the person I turned out to be.<br />
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Once you decide you are happy with the person you are inside you can start letting it out a little. Just make up your mind that you can and will be able to handle any outcome. Take a deep breath and be yourself, if others do not like you, then it is their loss because they didn't take the time to get to know you. Then move on to a different person. The day will come when you run into the person that clicks with you and you will make a very good friend or better yet a life partner. Good luck and I hope this helps.

it's alright - it's taken me a while to see your comment as well, so i guess we are even now?<br />
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but yeah - see, it's funny, you are jealous of me and i am jealous of you. i know there are disadvantages in becoming to close to fast, but i think their is something beautiful about being able to do that. it might mean that you have your heart broken many time over, and that can't be fun - but at least you had something to lose, right? i sometimes wonder if i am even capable of being close to people. their are people who i do get relatively close to, but there is *always* some feeling of separation no matter what. maybe it is just that i need to get to know myself better. but, hey, i love your last line. i think people spend to much trying trying to be everyone else, and they don't realize that they have their own strengths that might be different from other people's but are no less real. therefore, i will throw the idea right back at you. be careful, and everything, and i am sure you will one day find a deeper, lasting relationship - but don't let go of the part of you that can love so easily...

actually, i only went to the Philippines once, last year, as a class trip - we raised money to go build houses for the needy. well, only one house, really. i am Japanese American, and spent almost my entire life in Japan, so that is where we flew from. i go to college in New York now, though, and the people around me there are a lot...i don't know, i guess i have always been unusually thoughtful, even as a child, and people here tend to be that way, and i feel like i have a lot more potential to get to know people here, i am just not good at getting truly close to people you know? it takes a long time to get close to someone, and i feel like people haven't yet discovered the most important parts of myself and so they have little motivation or interest in really finding out who i am.<br />
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but, like the invisible man said, "when i know who i am, i will be free"

the only way to feel connected to the world is to feel present within yourself. if life somehow doesn't feel real, maybe it is because you haven't figured out who you are.