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Losing It

 I cant look at myself in the mirror. I am 8 months pregnant with my second child. I have no family, and no friends. I have never gotten a birthday present or even a card. My son will be 1 in 12 days and I cant afford to do anything special with him. I live alone and never have any visitors.  All of my family and past friends have stopped speaking to me because after 10 years of service to them, of being used by them, of being talked about and disrespected by them, i finally decided to say "Enough is enough" and cut them out of my life. Do you know how horrible it is to live your life for others, only to realize they never liked you or respected you? I am 24 and I feel forty sometimes. My day to day routine is unimaginable. I have no one to help me do anything. I am constantly disrespected when I am out with my son. People look thru me, walk over me and are rude. Its amazing to me sometimes what ive gone thru in my life. Not to mention the father of my son and unborn child is a deadbeat. I feel like an idiot everyday because i allowed myself to be caught not once but twice. i now feel as tho I have no future. Im crying as I write this because its so sad. its sad that I had to go online to seek solace.
Ive been by myself so long, i dont feel comfortable around other people. I feel deep regret for all the things i allowed others to take from me. Like my self worth and dignity. i wish I knew what it felt like to be surrounded by love and good cheer. I am so depressed. i truly dont want to be here but have no choice because of my kids. Ive tried to remain faithful to the lord and ive tried to remain positive, but its hard. The reality I face everyday isnt one i can shy way from. I dont know when my time is going to come. I wish I was happy...
BlvdOfBrokenDreams BlvdOfBrokenDreams 22-25, F 4 Responses Nov 23, 2010

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I'm sorry I can't give you a hug right now, but try to imagine it. I feel very alone and disappointed in people too. Try to take baby steps. Try different churches, support groups, doctors, therapists, anything that can get you out connecting with people. Just be yourself and try to be compassionate to others. You are not alone, there are lots of others that feel like you do. Give all that love that you have to your kids and I'm sure they will love you right back. At least you have access to the internet so you can connect to people here. Love and hugs to you. Sherry

I appreciate your comments. ;-)

When we find ourselves in great hardships of life just as you have found yourself in the midst of, it becomes so depressing that about all one can do is to throw their hands up into the air asking why!! Why am I here? What is my purpose? What can I do? Why don’t you help me Lord God? <br />
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And when it comes to people, family and friends, its so very sad that there are in name only and never truth; and all will one day soon learn the hard way; and that is because any human being on planet earth that rejects another shall have their days to come in the great tribulation when God sees that they are also completely rejected while in the greatest sufferings of their lives; and the words of God support every word that I say. <br />
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As far as your broken heart and feelings of low self esteem and worth there is but only one answer; and that is to be different, different as in the way that you look to God which will be 100% different than the way man as the blind leading the blind looks to God while leading all of their congregations into the ditches of death with no escape via a false and counterfeit spirit that fools all children of God just as written in Ephesians 2:2---but not taught by Satan's ministers. 2 Corinthians 11:13-15 <br />
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Because God is not the author of confusion this whole world has been deceived, so look to God through His every word as truth. And if you do that with faith, God will help you because He will see himself genuinely within your heart. So when God Almighty says,<br />
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“Humble yourselves therefore under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you in due time: Casting all your care upon Him: for He careth for you. 1 Peter 5:6-7<br />
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Just remember that in this world ruled by man there is a great sadness occurring to someone somewhere each second; and with that are billions worldwide in great sadness that are lacking in every way---so you are never alone in distress.<br />
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So when the super rough roads for all begin to get even rougher{and they will} just ask God for His Spirit and the inner peace needed to endure the storms you are currently in and the great storms en route that there is no running from.<br />
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What we all need in this life is the understanding of reality that is not taught in any way through education, governments or the buildings of man called churches that are all controlled by the father of lies----and he is good at what he does----therefore has deceived this whole world just as God said in Revelation 12:9----but man does not believe God, so just follows man who follows the devil. <br />
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Make Proverbs 2:4 with the whole chapter and the whole book as your new home for escape, and the harder you work as a miner the more that God will give you---and verses 5-6 will be your reward that shall give you the fear of the Lord that few have as written in Proverbs 9:10<br />
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Just some words from a man that just understands because God is with him in spiritual ways the natural man sees as foolishness. 1 Corinthians 2:13-13------and the understanding comes form a life with no family, friends and a world of false brethren just as Paul had to deal with in 2 Corinthians 11:26<br />
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May Our Father who says “thy word is truth” be with you for the strength you need.

I just now joined this site, and this story is the first I've viewed. I've often said that I feel lonely, even among people, and it seems that nobody understands quite what I mean.