I Want Someone To Love.

I have my family and a good amount of friends, but I'm lonely. I want someone to love. I feel spoiled saying that when I have people around me who love me, but I just want someone to love, someone to hug and kiss, someone to be mine. I've never had a boyfriend and I have never been kissed. Maybe I want attention from someone but I don't think I do. I want someone to love me. I don't want to be alone. There are some guys that I like and have "crushes" on but there's this one that's diff rent.

His name is Jon. I met him in my french class last year. At first we flirted a lot and it seemed like he liked me. Then summer started and I only saw him once, during a party. At the party we didn't talk much because he had to go. Then school started back up and he was now in my french class and my math class! I was really happy and its really nice because we could walk to the classes together because math is right after french. In the begging of the year things were great, we flirted a lot and he talked to me a lot and sat next to me, he gave me his number and he texts me sometimes and I loved him more than ever. In November things started to change, he started to talk to other girls then me, we still talked sometimes but not as much. He didn't sit next to me as much. Then I realized he was doing the same thing to the other girls that he did to me. It hurt to see this. I missed him. As of now things aren't as good as they used to be. He still talks to me, but not as much. Doesn't sit next to me, as much. Every once in a while we have days where we flirt and talk and laugh, but not very often. For a while I thought that we were meant for each other, there we a lot of coincidences and we got along so well. I really think I loved him and maybe he liked me.

Now, its complicated. I hate him and I love him.

Yesterday, I felt so down that if I wasnt lonely or sad that he doesnt love me I would have felt nothing at all. For the first time I cried myself to sleep.

You've had your chance, now you have a girlfriend and if you are dating her now you would have already dated me. Maybe you liked me once but its over now. I wish you loved me, did you ever wish I liked you? Because I did. I think about you a lot. Im starting to get over you, but something always pulls me back in. You dont care. It sucks. I cant count how many times I cried over you. Maybe if you left the class like you want to, it would be better for me, maybe I could get over you. Or maybe it would hurt even more. Knowing that you dont like me enough to stay, I would stay because of you. When I think of you I think of the blue,grey,white,cold winter. My heart becomes iced over and empty, breakable. I wish you loved me. Maybe just maybe the spring will come and my heart will thaw and there will be sun and warmth and the ice will mealt and things will be beautiful. Maybe there would even be summer. Maybe we will be in summer together.

I dont want to be lonely.

kayhar kayhar
18-21, F
1 Response Mar 14, 2010

I am sure you will find yourself a partner that is more worthy of your longing heart. Do not give up, keep trying. Hopefully, he will mature, that's first of all and see you for what you are and things can go from there. But if not, keep looking without giving up. <br />
I myself never been with anyone either. Am 24 but I am not yet read for a relationship anyway. I still need to grow up some more, develop something more to offer, I always thing that what is meant to happen will happen but no sooner that it is supposed to. So..I keep living my life, developing, doing stuff that make me wiser and stronger as a person. <br />
Do not waste precious moments on crying over things that may yet be used for good measure and do not give up.<br />
The best of luck, girl!