I Have Nothing Left For Myself

For people that know me I give and give to other people before I give myself a cent.  I mean that literally and metaphorically.  Don't get me wrong I love being there for other people, being the shoulder that people need to cry on or a ear when they want to get something off their chest and they trust me not to judge them or say rude comments.  Which I don't, it is common sense not to judge someone or make rude, joking comments at their expense. 

I am finding myself at near the end of my rope, my sexual frustration and loneliness is reaching it's peak.  Now I can handle myself when it comes to some things, but that is just building and building up and I don't want to blow up in a customer's face or anybody's face for that matter (and no I don't mean blow up with an explosion in my pants lol).  But as I said it becoming more difficult to hold all of that under my belt. 

Now over the years, recently anyway, I've been putting my heart out there because I am a compassionate guy.  I care a lot about people and their feelings, so I am always here when people need a friend.  Now all my compassion for myself is gone, since I was giving out my compassion like a lemonade stand.  Then of course the compassion would get spit right back in my face, because they would get want they want and wear me like a t-shirt, once they grow out of it they throw it away.  I am getting all of the crap in my life, but I am still the caring guy that I always have been, but I just can't find my center.  I'm all over the place, one minute I'm out partying and looking at and talking to beautiful women while getting nowhere.  To the next of being a homebody, and crying about my past and being frustrated at the choices I made.  I know I can't change them, I don't have a DeLorean to go back in time, so they helps me getting over all that.  I'm just lost on who I actually am.  I'm just finding myself, I'm sure one day I will find it, and it will just come to me.  If I force it will only give myself a headache.  Being alone for 2 years really begins to wear down a man's soul.