There Is This Saying That I Really Love...

i might be butchering it alittle but basically it says that sometimes putting up walls isn't about keeping people out, but about seeing who cares enough to tear them down. First time i heard it i thought it was beautiful, something that i could use to explain the way i am.. so obviously i really liked it. It just occured to me though, that i dont know if anyone cares enough to actually break through the walls i've spent my life building. there's one person in particular who i think would never care enough to and it just made me very, very.. aware. i think i actually got to a point where i wore my walls like a badge of honor. it's only now occuring to me that maybe reaching that point was the same moment that i reached the point of being trapped by them. to torture a cliche, i am literally the girl who got trapped in the walls that she built around herself. Now i'm thinking that these walls, though strong and protective, are much more trouble than their worth. Whats the point of building walls that nobody can or will break through? What the hell is the point of being secure if you're all alone?? people say that everyone has the exact love life that they want. i'm inclined to agree with it now. i've put all my effort into building walls, and in a twist thats maybe to obvious to see coming....             i have successfully kept everyone out.

katiekayy katiekayy
18-21, F
2 Responses Apr 29, 2010

It takes a special set of eyes to see the real you through the wall around you. You say you have built a wall around yourself to hide in, yet still interact with people through it. Most people know you as the distorted version of you through the wall. But they don't know you any different. Only you know that you are not what they see, the real you is hidden from them. However, there are some people who see the real you. Maybe because like you, they built a wall around themselves, too. They naturally converts the distorted version of you that they see into the real you. That is, they see you through the heart, not just with the eyes.

To these select people, you seem normal, while the rest of the population are blind. The wall is built to maintain your own truth and keep your sanity. You have jewels that most people view as dull rocks. You have thoughts that you know once spoken will be misunderstood by most people. You know your attempt to explain yourself will only alienate people from you. Over time, you learnt to keep the most sacred part of you out of people’s reach for self – preservation. Like the hard shell on a turtle’s back, grown to protect the soft that lies beneath.

This reminds me of my ex.. her keeping me out when i went out of my way numerous times for her gets me angry and gives me sick pleasure if I see her suffer.. but as for you, keep ur head up and just know that one day someone or more then one person will attempt and hopefully successfully get to know you better as a person.