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First Time Living Alone

I am in my mid 50s and finalizing a divorce (next week).  It was a very emotionally devastating event for me, even though at this time I realize that I can't go back.  (still think about it, though).  So, here I am in my very nice apartment, the very first time I have ever lived alone.  I had roomates in college, got married to my first husband before we graduated, and moved in with my soon to be ex husband before the first divorce was finalized.  Along the way had two lovely children who are now grown.

So, how do you live alone?  I was very isolated while married to my soon to be ex husband, we really had no friends (another story).  So, no friends.  My children and sister live close by but they are busy and I do not want to be clingy.  So, I sit alone in my apartment alone.  I could go out, but where?  What are my interests?  I have spend my whole life being either a daughter, mother, or wife and while I am still a mother, my kids are grown.  How do you bread out of this?  How do you find out what you are interested in? 

LovelyLibrarian LovelyLibrarian 51-55, F 74 Responses Apr 30, 2010

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Just try stuff and see what works. Is there a Taoist Tai Chi Society near you? Something like that would be an awesome place to start, the ppl are so friendly, and the Tai Chi they practice has so many health benefits. And then you can say, "Don't mess with me! I know Tai Chi..."

By trying things u normally wouldn't and truth be told u would like whatever it be.

Hi I have not been on here in forever as I was in the hospital - but I just got an email with your post... I haven't had a chance to read all the replies but I wanted to send a quick message - what city/ country are you from? There are groups on the Internet called "meet ups" & singles groups (with women in our age group and moxes ages- so it's not a dating site lol). There is also groups called "single travellers groups " that is mixed male and female.... Theses are all Over the world..& if you google it- it will give you groups in your area.
Also ... I would like to add that I am also recently going to be living alone and id love to become friends and share the journey.
Hugs Jo Jo

Good luck, similar experience myself. Rely on your own instincts, and love from your family, and most importantly you can rely on your faith or religious beliefs

Sounds to me like this is your chance to explore and do things that you always wanted to do. Spread your wings and fly! Life is too short to spend being depressed and lonely

you must start to discover your options though its not easy when you have been used to being a wife and a mother its never too late to discover new interests as they say seek and you will find it doesnt have to be doom and gloom re ignite your self you can still enjoy life and dont sit alone you still have a lot to offer

I have never lived alone. It terrifies me. I feel lonely now and I have my second husband who lives with me. I miss my kids sometimes and worry one day I will be alone

This is me too. Everyday I struggle with loneliness. I have 2 sisters within 3 miles and like you I dont want to be there so limit my visits once a week. Although I go Down to my local pub one night a week on a quiz night I am very conscious of the fact I do not want to be the Guy who's spend half his life drunk and the other at Work. When I'm not working I feel so low and struggle to figure how to pass my time. SO when you find the answers please share.

I've just moved into my own house. I'm soon to be 24. 75% of the time I really like it but then 25% of the time I feel overwhelmed with loneliness. Like, there's no one out there that would rather be here with me right now rather than what they are doing. I hope I can combat this

This is soo sad, I dont think you should have to worry about being clingy, your children should know better and be there for you in your time of need. Reach out to them so they know how your feeling.

OMGoodness ! you sound like me. I've been divorced this May 2014 for 6 years and I live an isolated life as well.

Make it your mission to figure out why you aren't comfortable alone and what part of the unhappiness that led to divorce was something you may have had control over. Otherwise, you will go on being excessively lonely, and as a result may get into yet another relationship or marriage that ends up too much like the others. Without a concerted effort to learn and change, we all tend to make the same mistakes over and over again. Best of luck!

You do things you enjoy like hobbies, you also use those hobbies to socialize with others...... You take care of the mind and the body with simple things like music, walks, and remember to breathe.. Hugs for you

It's really important, they say, for your health not to isolate yourself. I know. I worry about that myself. I myself never married but my siblings did and now with both parents gone (my father died in 1989 my mother this year) I am truly alone in this house at the age of 64. When I go to work that is part of my social life. I do not plan to retire any time soon. I talk on the phone. I take walks. I write letters, send emails, read, do my artwork, garden. People have suggested I get a pet but I'm a little nervous around animals. Anyway, I take my social life wherever I can find it, even talking to people on the bus. If you isolate yourself it could affect your overall not just emotional but physical health. There is a higher risk of heart disease and other conditions. Even, according to the latest study, if you're happy being alone! I want to keep my health. In any case, don't cut yourself off from people. If you want to you can join groups, but you don't have to. And just plunge right in and find an activity you might like. I discovered I like doing miniatures.

Hi, i know how you feel and its not easy but you learn to live alone and now its been 12 years and i do`nt know how to get out of this, i do everything for me today and i do`nt or can`nt shear anymore. I have 3 grown up kids and only on and her family live close to me, my own brothers and sisters live in another country and over the years we have moved further apart.I do`nt like the way i live today but i do`nt know how to change things.!!!!!

Hope things are getting easier for you. I myself have always seemed to have been alone, compared to other people. Even with family and friends it never seemed to be the same kind of connection as some might say they should have been. Perhaps it's just perception. Well best of life to you.

Being alone. It's when we are forced to confront reality and the truth. The truth of our own impending death. The truth that we don't know our purpose in life and neither does anyone else. The truth that life is absurd anyway you slice it.

Hello, being alone is something that starts out as you describe. I was married and divorced like so many people and it was a shock for for some time, but like anything, it gets better. You are not alone and I can tell you that you need to go out and sing Karaoke. The great thing about this is that you will meet people from all backgrounds that just want to have fun and this is what you need....you'll be surprised. What will you sing?

Welcome to the world of being alone.

I am a good guy. I was married for 14 wonderful years and then found out that my wife was cheating on me. This has rattled my foundations in every sense. I am now divorced and feel disposed of.
I have my kids every 2nd week which is great and now have a nice girlfriend that i see only once a week due to distance but I still feel so Lonely.
I am feel lucky as I can count my blessings but I just feel pretty sad.
I feel alone because I just don't feel loved the way I want to feel loved. I hope that I find that special person who will love me. I hope you find that special person.
Love one another.

Same story than mine and i am only 37.:-(

I'm there, too. I suggest that it can be helpful sometimes to think in terms of "dating" yourself. Take yourself out to a movie, dinner, theater, concert, mud-wrestling competition (or... not...), or whatever. Go someplace you might not typically go on your own, and treat it as a chance to see what your date (you) thinks of it. Learn about yourself as you would learn about someone else - gradually, in a relaxed, non-judgemental, "no pressure" sort of way. Laugh off the less-than-spectacular experiences, enjoy the good ones, and learn more about this special person through all of them.

It is a little difficult being alone after having a partner for so long. My ex started going to gym classes and sosialize with many friends there.

i find that very interesting... i imagine many guys have 'librarian' fantasies, so it's very hard to imagine a 'lovely librarian' ever having to be alone or lonely...<br />
<br />
when i was in college, i recall a very lovely looking librarian. i had a kind of crush on her, a nice looking lady in her 50s. always imagined her to be married w/ kids. it would suck to learn that she wasn't married w/ kids, or was ever lonely.<br />
<br />
anyhow... any lonely women that would like to chat, feel free to send me a message on here anytime.

Join a bridge club. It's a fun game, and you will get to play with several people from the bridge club....then there are tournaments...you will meet a lot of people, especially people your age.

Feel sorry for your situation, but things could be worse if you would jump into a bad situation to keep from being lonely. We used to refer to it as out of the frying pan into the fire. I think most of us want companionship and intimacy a bonus, but with 50% of marriages not working, the percentage for relationships must be much higher. Please take your time.

I am also a lonely librarian who is living alone for the first time in my life after my elderly mother passed away a few months ago. I was her caregiver for a long time and gave up my life to care for her. I don't want to be on the go constantly as I have two lonely cats and love my home. I don't like waking up alone and feeling so lost, like an orphan in my 50's. Rest of family either have already passed or don't live nearby. I need some answers too.

meetup.com

Hi,<br />
I am 53 and soon to be separated. My husband and I have had problems in our relationship for years. Moreover, I have been fighting cancer and depression for the last 4-5 years. In the meantime, my husband accumulated debts and it got to that point where I discovered we are losing our house. I am not working anymore. I am disabled, half deaf and still coping with the last surgery- Whipple- which is very hard. I certainly didnt want our life to go on as it was: financial irresponsibility, lack of communication and huge fights. All that in addition to my sudden illnesses and depression. I used to be a successful teacher, excellent student, had my BA and MA with honors, etc. I had a life full. Now I can no longer work, can hardly walk or hear. I cant find what to do with my life anymore and am devastated that my husband just wants a separation without even trying therapy. (We once tried it but he stopped believing in it so we did nothing about our relationship despite my constant plights).<br />
I feel sad and scared. He is my 2nd husband. We have been married for 23 years. I was happy to divorce my first husband whom I married at 19. It was a bad marriage.Really bad.<br />
What is sad is that my husband and I still have some love for each other. He says we will always be friends and he takes me to every dr appointment, hospital checkup etc. <br />
I feel as if he does not want to fight for our relationship, for our marriage. He says there's no way he sees it can get better so we just have to separate. We first have to sell the house, return debts and with what remains, find a suitable place for me (I'm handicapped).<br />
It feels as if I am a failure, as if nothing awaits for me, there is no future for a 53 year old invalid like me......I know it sounds depressing, but thats how I feel.

I am in the same situation and have done all of the above and yet still feel alone, especially when I wake up in the middle of the night. My parents are divorced and still alive and I realize how selfish my mother was and now feel the pain of her giving everything to ONLY my brother. I think that pain is worse than being alone. I have looks, the dog, no mortgage, 2 of my 3 kids love me, the first totally turned his back on everyone once he got married and I wonder if what we call loneliness is just created by spending too much time reflecting time on issues out of our hands...<br />
<br />
I do not have a solution, but "feel" for all the people who have written in and just want to add that music helps, so does travel, always planning for the next adventure and entertaining people who are also alone. <br />
<br />
I may just pick up, quit my profession, move to France ())which I love) and re invent my life. In our country, age is not considered sexy and that is part of the problem. <br />
<br />
A walking city such as Paris with so many arts and visitors is so uplifting. In Paris, 50% of the people choose to be single but the government encourages people to share space to avoid loneliness and to save money. Many advertise a room on a website called Air bnb and I feel it just makes more sense. Here we work until we drop and just know that prayer is very comforting, pets are, life is not supposed to be perfect... so why set yourself up for feeling let down. <br />
<br />
Look at a person in a wheelchair, a handicapped child or the mother of one and look into her eyes, then you will feel life is not bad and that smelling the roses is a gift you can and should enjoy. Love yourself and relax, live in the moment, plan for the next trip or holiday and just live the live you have been given....as it can end without warning..<br />
<br />
.remember yesterday is gone and tomorrow may never be so take time to smell the roses and live in the moment. That IS life....refer to a poem called "The Dash" and you will feel differently. <br />
<br />
Good Luck.

Really enjoyed your response. I was not feeling depressed and am not i this situation, but I your suggestions would help lift your spirits even if you felt good.
Thanks!

I would just like to say thankyou for your words, they were very thoughtful and uplifting
Mark

have you and ex tried retrovaille?

i am recently divorced also. can we hold each other for awhile?

OMG...I am a 51 year old woman.... i recently broke up with my ex husband of 26 years. Over tha years it had been on and off and abusive and not. Now we are completly done. I miss him so much and I often cry. I feel the emptiness and the lonliness is settling in. What am I suppose to do now? Can someone please give me some advice. By the way, he has moved on and in with a 66 year old woman. We have only been split up 2 months....

hey hun just go out and meet some people and learn some new things, you got nobody holding you back. please understand im not being unfeeling i just recently went through a divorce also but you cant live in a rut. it does hurt for awhile so find something to ease the pain and get on with life. there is still alot of happiness for you to experience, just go find it.

My biggest wish is to be able to live alone; to be able to explore on my own, eat what I want, go to school without grief that I'm not around enough, and to not have to have to please anyone. (Surprisingly, I am an extrovert!). Loosening the reins will be hard and excruciating. I have to wait, at least, until my son is grown...7-1/2 years. I'll be 58 by then.

I wish i could help you. My heart goes out to you. I just want to hug and cuddle with you to make you feel secure again.

join an community group evening class like salsa, drama, book club. Just anything to get you out the house and meeting new people it will also help you find who you are as a person. Just dont keep yourself isolated

It's hard for me, especially since I am an introvert. Super quiet and really reserved. Maybe communication was one of the things that caused her to go (I discovered she had a Boyfriend on the side and had to let her go). It's been 10 years and I am still alone, guess I always will be, but God is with me and I know one day I will be happy again.

you have so many wonderful responses already, but i'll jump in.<br />
<br />
your situation reminds me of a bird who is frightened to step outside when his cage door is open.<br />
<br />
the question of finding your interests: a quick way to explore stuff is to waltz along the aisles of a (strange to be suggesting this to a librarian) library pulling out stuff that looks the least bit intrigueing. perhaps this would give you a clue about what kind of classes to take or clubs to join or hobbies to take up or just -- reading to do.<br />
<br />
to calm the mind to the point where it can see your interests more clearly, a really good technique of meditation can be helpful in a surprisingly short time.<br />
<br />
you can do it. you can find yourself. and with that you can find joy.

Yes, being with someone and feeling lonely is far far worse

I was married for a long time and all I know is that feeling lonely in a marriage is worse than being all alone by yourself....

I wish you all the best on your way. Remember, things will work out for good - with change come opportunities. You will be happy again.

Time for you to go wild, dare doing things, break barriers, have fun you have given a lot and now its your time. Travel if you can afford, I started Skydiving imagine...

Nothing doing, but depression really takes the time and one should be ready for that. But to bring closer the day when ... . There is an advise posted somewhere above - to learn foreign language.<br />
What about Russian? Why not? Superpower with utterly different life and culture. Anyway I can be a tutor and then ... who knows... it might be pleasing or absorbing or even useful. Huh.

I'm reading up on what it's like from everyone's perspective...it gives me hope. I'm presently pushing away my fiance of 12 years whom I love dearly but feel that perhaps is not the right person for me..it's devastating and I've never been alone. He's my best friend. I have two other friends I hang out with and my closest girlfriend is moving out of the country next year. The other friend I only see once a month. I'm facing a big change..from constant companionship and good times to no one around at all as I just don't have the right social network to rely on. <br />
<br />
What you say gives me hope that eventually depression will fade and good things will come.

i lived alone with two children under 5 for 4 years from the age of 24 to 28. and living with toddlers isn't fun or company. i was miserable and lonely and should have been out having fun in the prime years of my young adulthood. if i can do that and i'm still alive today, having had another long term relationship (it failed last year) then you can do it. stop feeling sorry for yourself and life will unfold as it should.

I am in a similar situation, separated, and actually today is the one year anniversary of that... <br />
<br />
I have not actually lived alone in almost 30 years. I do have pets, and they make a huge difference to me. Jack Russell Terriers don't allow you to sit around and spend much time feeling sorry for yourself (not suggesting that you are doing that), and are such enthusiastic little creatures that they are very good anti depressants. I'm not sure if a pet is a possibility for you, but even a fish tank is a break from the sense of there being no other life in the place, but you.<br />
<br />
When I lived alone before, I turned on the TV for some background of human conversation, tho I rarely actually watched it.<br />
<br />
These are things that stave off the sense of being the only heartbeat... but as for the getting out... well, don't think of yourself as being "clingy" if you ask your kids or your sister to come by for lunch, or meet you somewhere for coffee or go to a movie.<br />
<br />
They are out of the habit of spending time with you, and may just need to be encouraged a bit. <br />
<br />
I know what you mean when you talk of the isolation within your marriage... mine was the same. I am somewhat introverted, so unlikely to reach out. I know that I need to reach out more in my day to day life, and depend less on my online friendships, although they are healthy and mean a lot to me.<br />
<br />
I did spend a lot of time going on long hikes with my dogs, but that is not as nice at this time of year as it was in the summer.<br />
<br />
Travelling is now an option for you... I found that the sense of loneliness was greatly alleviated when I began to think of it as "freedom" instead. Freedom to just pull up stakes and go away for a couple of weeks and not have anyone to answer to for either the time or the expense.<br />
<br />
...sort of like not thinking of yourself as "lost" when you are driving and make a wrong turn... instead, see it as an "adventure"... I learned to do that a long time ago, and it has served me well... lol...<br />
<br />
I do understand, and truly sympathize... there are times when I wake at 3 a.m., and the sense of loneliness is almost unbearable... I get up, make a cup of tea, and write someone an email. It gives me a sense of being connected... and helps to take my mind off the here and now for long enough for the feeling to pass.<br />
<br />
Feel free to PM me...<br />
<br />
Hugs

Well I typed " I am so lonely" into Google and got here after all the other links to that old song:-) It is 5 yrs since my husband died and I have tons of activities, people, hobbies in my life. But in the end....lonely.<br />
So I want to say there are just many of us who have never lived alone and want the company of another human being. Yes, I even have pets. I will not get used to the utter silence. Last nite, for the first time, I turned on tv just for human voices. I will not get used to the lack of spontaneousness....."Do you want to go for pizza?"

This comment comes late to the 'party' and a lot of excellent advice has already been posted. You have probably adjusted or may be still adjusting.<br />
<br />
I am the oldest of eight children. I never lived alone until I moved from an on-ba<x>se dormitory on a small military ba<x>se in southern Italy into a small country house. I actually enjoyed the peace and quiet (no booming stereos at all times of day and night) but I did get a Siamese kitten within a few weeks. That was 31 years ago. I have been happily married for nine years but I have enjoyed the company of numerous cats over those years. A radio can also be a good companion if you find station(s) you like.<br />
<br />
You were 'you' before you had these shared lives in college, married life, and children. Get reacquainted with yourself and your interests. Life without someone else is enjoyed by many, many others and it's a great way to go. Good luck!

Hi, I hope you are doing okay. I think you will find living alone does have it's good points, but there will be an adjustment period. Then again, you may not be alone for too long, who knows what may happen, who you may meet. Good luck to you, hoping for the best!

Hi....<br />
<br />
I agree with Morbo that joining EP is a fantastic idea., a good start. But you need to find a LOVER, yes something that you really get passionate about. Some people find this lover by reading books, some in their soulmates, some studying again. How can you live without a "friend" find the magic of frienship. Enter a group, built your own life. Here is your change to built it your way, at your rythm, at your style. I am pro marriage, but if it is over, then is time for you to rebuilt yourself like an EAGLE (see all my stories, please)...and stay close, Here we are among friends. TRAVEL - REINVENT yourself with the experience you have gain, with your outlloks at this age,<br />
<br />
But please, don't burry yourself at your house in front of a computer! That is not real world<br />
<br />
Good luck!

i am begining to be in the same situation as you & it is scary the loneliness can be crushing but i know that i would prefer to be alone than around someone who brings me down take good care of yourself you deserve it

Great blog,,,i will be 50 July 11th & know the feeling...find someone who makes you feel really warm inside....Do It...I know what i am saying is true...grow from where you are and let all of your feelings go from that failed relationship...this is not your fault..the world has turned cold...JW

This is the time to celebrate your life. This is a new adventure! Go to your local book store and join a book club. You will meet all kinds of interesting, productive people. Join a yoga class. Michaels and Joannes have crafty art classes. Make your own friends, buy a little orphane dog from the humane society. Take a meditation class..........check out vispassana meditation. Start power walking or join a gym. This is the first day of the rest of your life. Embrace your freedom my dear. It can be a wonderful ride. Oh, and listen to lots of music. Check out my friend from Brazil.......Celso Fonseca. His music is dreamy. Bio identical hormone replacement really works too!<br />
Your friend, 2Samba

I feel for you but the world is a big place and as you can see their are a lot of shy lonely people in it you will survive and find some one new im sure have faith but most of all have the confidence to go out and meet people the more you can meet the more chance you have of finding someone <br />
bless you

I've been connected with a woman as steady girl friend, married, re-married and re-married since I was twelve. I'm now seventy one and looking forward to a divorce and to the loneliness I've spent a life time trying to escape. All the suggestions I've read here are good ones. Whatever works for you. I am going to move from Baltimore (where my wife's family lives) to Reno where my son and his family live. I will use internet dating services to meet people. One in two hundred and you will make some friends along the way. But to each his own. I read a lot. I write a lot. I think a lot. I stay in touch with friends by email because all of mine are around the world but not in the US. The key to loneliness is inside your brain and it is a most difficult lock to unlock. I had a productive life. I have an old Rolodex with more than two thousand people in it. Doesn't help. I can't explain it and I don't think even the best shrinks can explain it. It is a curse and however you solve it is better than not solving it. Do not be a hermit. Get a dog. Read a lot. Think how stupid the world is that they have overlooked you. Do whatever it takes. But don't give up. It's a rough climb but it's worth it. I'm now facing the last twenty percent or less of my life alone. I am going through an internal struggle to persuade myself that internet pen pals, some in person and being near family but not being a bother will see me through. And then you die. That's really the whole point of trying to cure loneliness. It's like a living death. If I were dead I wouldn't be lonely. But what life is left to me I intend to make the best of it. <br />
<br />
I'll figure it out for sure when I get to Reno. Just have to sell this damn house in Baltimore. One step at a time. No giant steps. Meet your neighbors. Just knock on a door and if it doesn't look like a "danger zone" say "I'm new here. I don't know anyone. I'd like to get to know my neighbors" It is almost certain you will be invited in for a coffee and a conversation and that's the beiginning of the end of loneliness. After that step you cannot predict what will come next but something will come next and life will be better.

I am married and just as alone as you; believe it or not. I work away from home 25 days a month and when I do go( home??) we now live on totally different pages. We have absolutely no sex life and don't even share a bed anymore. I just think its too late in life to bother getting a divorce or I would do it. NO ONE wants a guy in his late 50s and besides I would loose everything I have worked for for the past 40 years

My heart goes out to you. Been there, done that. My suggestion---take a class at a local community college. I took an emergency technician class 13 years ago, I'm now in nursing school and have come out of my shell and made tons of friends along the way. You are NEVER to old to take a class. The people you meet, the support you will find is amazing. Best wishes to you.

Your post resonates with many including myself. While I am stilled married I am alone or lonely most of the time. Most of it is self inflicted (don't want to be hurt, am afraid of failure, I have a strange schedule and it's hard to find time, I have trouble identifying with others) While the rationale part of my brain realizes that this is "victim" mentality, the emotional side of my brain can't let go. We are born, we LIVE, and then we die. I wish you luck with living. Try not to get caught up in what was or should have been, just move forward. Best of luck and thank you for sharing>

I am in my mid-20's and am also living alone for the first time after moving out of the "nest" and then having roommates in colleges. (I also cannot get around very well due to a disability.) Have you ever thought about getting a pet? Even a small pet, (since I know you are in an apartment), can really help as it gives your mind something else to focus on besides the loneliness, especially if it involves someone else's well-being. On the same note, finding "projects" to do around the house and community also helps keep the mind busy. <br />
<br />
Also, it's NEVER too late to make friends, and you can never have enough. I thought I had all the friends I needed through work and from school, but then I joined a church and got out in the town. Not only did this give me an opportunity to get out of the house and do some volunteer work, but it showed me that there is a great world beyond my front door and people who are willing to be there with me through good times and bad. Don't feel like you are a "burden." I used to feel the same way, but most friends--and especially family--WANT to help in your time of need, because they love you.

be strong...everybody is lonely.....see good movies,books,try to make friends...dream of ur interest...

You get interested by doing. I have a cousin who works in rubber bands, the industrial type, he's compulsively interested in ...yup, rubber bands! if you talk to him you too become interested in them. Just find something that you might be marginally interested in and pursue it to the death.<br />
<br />
And yes, the first months of divorce are devastating; you've always been a two and now your a one. the world is designed for two's. But you have to be brave because you have no other option. Try cinema, theatre, concert, take up an instrument or help someone else. Do it with confidence, however shallow, show aplomb and style. Remember, life is a displacement activity, it only has the meaning that you give it. Cheer up, smile and give it hell!<br />
<br />
Good Luck

I slept for the better part of 11/2. I can do that. It is ridiculous. Eventually, I bought a plane ticket and went to visit my mom. I asked her all the over 85 year old questions about meaning in her life. I read a bunch of Buddhist stuff at a friends house and bought a book by the Dalai Lama - How to see yourself as you really are. I was inspired to go into debt and take a course in Pure Awareness - a new age approach to clearing out the remnents of negative energy in your life and cultivating your connection with everything. It is a New Age California discipline - my kind of language.<br />
My culture furnished me with no description for life after 50. Even if you stay married and have grandchildren, you are essentially just repeating the stuff of your adult past, nothing new and vital. Don't get me wrong, I love family, they connect me but there are other connections. So, I'm working on creating something new for my Crone years. The Dalai Lama suggested being of service as the work of my elder years, so I will eventually be a new age Pure Awareness Coach who facilitates the processing of energy so we are connected and ready for whatever comes, with love. I want to do that because it has really relieved much of my suffering and I know it works. Create something that is yours and tell us all about it. I fully identify with what you are going through. I think there are many more people than we imagine going through the same things. I think it might be cultural.<br />
with love

Hi! I am one of those who are married but lonely, for my wife and I have virtually nothing in<br />
common. Our sex drives are even different, especially when she doesn't have one! I have<br />
been in and out of the marriage, so I know what living alone is like. It can get lonely at times,<br />
but don't let it get you down. If you'd like to talk .... I'm here. OK?

The freedom is terrifying, isn't it? To have been "caged" for so long within the roles of wife and mother, and now to finally be free to be who you want to be, to do what you want to do. Create the life you've always dreamed of. The possibilities are endless.<br />
(I've only been alone for 2 months, and my divorce hearing is in June, so I'm still in a positive mindset about it most of the time. If I'm still alone in 2 years then I'll probably just want to crawl into a black hole and stay there forever ...)

wow, what a response! This was my first posting.

I have been divorced for 3 yrs. I was married 13 yrs and things got bad over the years. I couldn't stay in that situation for myself or my three children. So I did it. It was hard and I wasn't sure I'd be able to make it but I sure did and still am. Things get tight but I have the support of everyone. I have my own place and my kids are doing well :) You are your own person and can do what you want just as everyone says on here. It takes time. You lost yourself somewhere but you will find it again :) May god bless you and I wish you luck and happiness

Your post has inspired so many wonderful comments. A good omen for the next chapter in your life, Lovelylibrarian!

I've been living on my own for over a decade now and I wouldn't have it any other way. Do the obvious thing which is write on this site. You obviously have a flair and in this forum you can vent, or ponder, or create or whatever. It's theraputic and you will be surprised by the number of stories that will pique your interest and give you ideas for something to go try. I am pleasantly surprised by the number of talented writers here among us. YOU GO GIRL! (it's all going to be alright) HAVE FUN!!! YOU ARE FREE TO BE WHATEVER YOU WANT TO BE NOW.

You are in a difficult place right now so it is all right to let your self grieve. If you are ready to go out then maybe you could sign up for some classes through your local library or college (they don't have to be for credits when you sign up you can tell them it is for "enrichment" and this will exclude you from testing etc). You need to find a "kind" support system that will help you through this difficult time.<br />
I am not sure of your circumstances as to how you arrived at your divorce, however be nice to yourself. If you can afford to treat yourself then use this as a reward... for instance I am going through a situation right now too and money is really limited but I made it through another week so I went to the local massage school and received the most wonderful massage from one of the students for an affordable cost. This is my carrot. I wish for you peace. Hang in there!!!

You have a new beginning ! You can shape your life into anything you want it to be. You are a painter with a fresh canvas .....infinite possibilities !<br />
Set your goal - make your plan - follow it ! Life will be wonderful .....and FREEEEEE !!!!!!!<br />
<br />
Yeah .....at over 50 with no " alone" experience, the FRESH CANVAS can look spooky ...but it actually isn't ........ it's a breath of fresh air. Volunteer with a community event to get out of the house and start meeting a few people - you'll find your interests along the way.<br />
Good Luck !

This may sound like a strange question to start with, but are you really a librarian? Because if you are, then I know you are smart, interested in the world around you, and adaptable--and a lot more interesting than you may think you are right now. This is a difficult time but also a time of wide-open possibilities, just like college in a way. Remember those first months of college? I hope anyway that it was a time when the world seemed to be opening up before you, and I hope you didn't feel rushed to settle into one thing, but could take your time, explore, and find out what really interested you. If you didn't have that experience in college, you can give it to yourself now. Just give yourself time and space to enjoy the small pleasures of being accountable only to yourself, and pay attention to what experiences and thoughts make you smile, make you think "I'd like to do this again!", give you a little tingle of anticipation.<br />
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And do be patient with yourself--you're only just now coming out of a very rough and stressful transition--did you ever go whitewater rafting? (Something to try if you haven't!) Well, you are just coming out of the rapids! You've had all you could do to keep your raft off the rocks and yourself in the raft. You haven't had the chance to look around and appreciate the scenery--now you can begin to do that.

i am 46 yeara old and contemplating divorce. I have found, at least in my life, that you can have people around you, and still be alone. The trick is to find yourself. You are always your best friend. My daughter is grown, and I am going through the empty nest syndrome. It is hard to find those things that interest you, but find them you must. It is time to put you first, for you to be whole, and for you to be happy.

Hi, I'm not single but have wondered how I would cope if I ever found myself that way again. I wouldn't want to ever be clingy to my family either. Maybe you can get around that by establishing regular dates with family members and old and new friends too. You know? Every second and fourth thursday, lunch with cousin Sarah, every Wednesday evening, movie night with Mom, Saturday afternoons, yoga class with the kid, etc. etc. This way everyone can stay in touch and still get out and about at the same time.

hi-i divorced 5yrs ago and have an 11yr son. i have been single ever since, be strong and look after yourself. i have 2 great sisters who i see weekly and im sure your sisters would want to support you through this tough time.(not class you as a burden) you will get used to being alone im sure, but heah whats not to say mr right is round the corner. im happy on my own, but hope oneday i will meet a decent guy-and learn to trust again-untill then i always look on the bright side and thnk positive-all the best!