Married With Children And Somehowstill All Alone

Hi i am a 31 year old woman, i am a mother of three children and married to the man i thought was my best friend.When i say thought , it is because i actually do not know him anymore. I was married to my ex-husband for ten years when he decided i was not good enough anymore because i was almost 30, he cheated witha 21 year old. The man was not worth tears because he had always been abusive in many ways. One lonley night i ventured into a bar in the middle of nowhere....it was out of my character , but i was all alone and at the time also scared. I met my husband now that night...he came up and started talking to me & from that moment on we talked everyday for a year before we decided we would get married. I love this man with all my heart,but it seems as though he has died. He woks away & does notcall when he is gone he does not talk to me online...before we married he would not go a day without hearing my voice...now he avoides me & we hardley speak when he is home. I sleep alone every night and cry for someone to hold, someone to talk with , laugh with. I am all alone even though technically i am not.

lonleyinlove lonleyinlove
31-35, F
19 Responses May 16, 2010

Hi there, i know its been over 2 yrs, i would like to know how u manage to go thru the loneliness . Your story just reminds me of mine.

Some men are just not cut out for marriage and family, but they don't know that until they are caught in the seemingly endless days of work and responsibility. He needs a little slapping around until he comes back to reality; physical or emotional, doesn't matter. He's wondering why he can't be carefree before wife, marriage and kids. And he probably blames you for it. Marriage counseling isn't going to work. He needs one-on-one therapy with a qualified mental health professional, and not just a few sessions. This might take years to get it resolved. Just like you can't tell an alcoholic that he is an alcoholic, you can't tell this man that he is acting like a spoiled child. He has to discover that for himself, but needs a professional to be able to lead him to that discovery. No amount of crying, begging or letter-writing by you will work. He has to be convinced that he needs professional help and avail himself to it. Otherwise he will throw away what could be a very happy part of his life. His childish selfishness is causing him to miss out on the tender love of a wonderful woman and the kind of joy that only his children can provide him. If he continues as he is, he will one day, soon, discover he is old and alone and miserable and that he has wasted the best part of his entire life. Perhaps you could hire someone to give him a good, swift kick in the ***.

Ask him what is going on? Why doesn't he keep in touch with you anymore? Instead of feeling lonely and sad take this problem and address it. Does he know how you feel? Obviously something has changed in your marriage and the sooner you find out what this, the better you will feel. The fact that your abusive ex left you for someone younger might be causing you to accept behavior that is not right from your present husband. <br />
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Perhaps your husband now saw that you were hurting and vulnerable when the two of you met and he thinks that you will accept his treatment because of this but you are stronger than he might realize. If he will not talk with you about your sadness then do things that make you feel better about yourself and reach out to family and friends. It might also help to read the book "Men Who Hate Women and the Women Who Love Them". Your local library can find it for you. . It explains why women continue to take abuse from men. Good luck as you deserve better treatment then you have been given. Once you recognize your self worth, you will be able to decide what is right for your life. Blessings,D.

Jackk45 is absolutely right! you have to do this NOW.. dont wait for him to be a nice guy or **** like that.. you deserve someone to be good with you, but give yourself that place too.. not only expect him to treat you like a woman.. BE a woman.. and act like one too!

i know how you feel. at the end of the day i can relate to wot ur sayin. nothin anyone says wil make things beta until ur redy and have the strenght in yorself. i no this coz im stil waitin for tht strenght to *** and hop afta the **** theyll change. but until then, either way im here for a chat if eva needed i no lonliness only to wel

I can so relate to this. I feel alone alot even though I'm married with children. I hope things get better for you good luck.

Have you talked to him about how you feel?

...totally understand how you can have many people in your life (3 kids & husband) and still feel alone...as far as your husband, maybe you can try writing him a letter...it may sound silly but it's a way to get your thoughts and feelings to him and the door will be open for a conversation thereafter....and if he doesn't at least acknowledge your letter and see the time and thought it took, maybe it's time to move on....also, Jack's idea sounds good too lol...I do not know you but you're soooo not alone

I'd rather be alone and happy than together with someone and miserable. Never stay because of the kids. The kids know what is going on even when you think they don't. Make yourself happy and your kids will be happy too. Move on.

Maybe your husband is feeling sad and overwhelmed. Maybe there are things that he just can't talk about right now. Or, maybe he feels... yes feels... you don't seem interested in him anymore. You talk about all the things he never does or never does anymore, but perhaps he wonders why you seem to have lost interest in him as an individual choosing instead to see him only from the pespective of YOUR companion.<br />
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Maybe he remembers how you and he used to talk all the time and wishes things could go back to the way they used to be. But maybe it seems when you both talk now it's as though you both come from different backgrounds.... perhaps planets.... and everything seems to lead back to sad thoughts of what life used to be like, how life used to be fun, and how the two of you seemed inseperable.<br />
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Life goes by in an instant. And, it is filled with such wonder, yet we often get lost and sometimes overwhelmed by its curves, ironies, and disappointments. Maybe your husband wants to talk to you more than you know, possibly more than you are interested in. Maybe your husband isn't a horrible monster, but instead just feeling alone too. Maybe your husband doesn't want to avoid you, but no longer knows how to approach you. Maybe he is hoping, wishing, and praying you will approach him for a change. Maybe the reassurance in your relationship that you feel lacking is the reassurance he now needs from you. Maybe...

Jack 45 is right on the money! I lived like that for 15 years before I summoned up the courage to leave! I had asked him over & over what was going on to no avail. Went to marriage counseling too. He went once. So, I waited til our youngest son was old enough to understand & Ieft. I felt so much better after I got out of that situation. I'm not married now, my kids are grown & we did just fine. I'm doing just fine without him in my life. So, good luck & God bless!

Jack .... you were at the right place at the right time... you have helped many women out there ... get rid ...

You have to create your own happiness but it is obvious he is hurting you with his rejection. Don't ask him for anything. Be independent. Men hate not feeling needed. Give him a taste of his own medicine. Pray to God for the true direction in your life and you will find peace.

You have to create your own happiness but it is obvious he is hurting you with his rejection. Don't ask him for anything. Be independent. Men hate not feeling needed. Give him a taste of his own medicine. Pray to God for the true direction in your life and you will find peace.

I totally agree with Jack. He is a man who has said it all right. It has happened to me twice by two cheating husbands and this is exactly what happened to me. He cannot look you in the eye,because of his own guilt. Get it over and done with, life is too short. You are probably feeling insecure at the moment the way he is treating you, but dont worry get it over and done with confront hi. You are only young and life is too short to be unhappy. Things happen for a reason so go with and have a happy life with you and your children. Speak to you soon girl,good luck.

Have strength, I hope everything gets better for you.

Isolation is the worse cause of loneliness. If he is unwilling to give you the time you deserve as his partner in life, then you're going to have to take things in your own hands. Start by doing something small that makes you feel good about yourself. Talk to other people about this even though it might be embarrasing. Most importantly, don't let his lack of attention take you over. This is a fight YOU have to win...or it'll destroy you.

be patient my dear and everything we'll be fine In Shaa'a Allah trust Allah (god).

everything will be better someday,Have hope for life,tommorrow is another day.