No Title
Posted June 6th, 2010 at 2:26PM
Everytime a good thing comes into my life I always sabotage myself and make up excuses for not going through with it. But lately I've been letting things happen without doing any self sabotage. Also I've been standing up for myself, by that I mean I'm getting taken advantage of. I'm sure the other nice guys of the world can agree with me. Women take advantage of nice guys. I do not mean all women do, but lets face it a lot of women do. It breaks us down and makes us feel worthless. It makes us think that we are only good for what we give to you. For instance I have a girl that either A) calls me for a ride to where ever or B) calls for money. I've been in that boat before, I once lended a woman $1200 and never got it back, that was 2 years ago. I've been so temped to just text her or call her and just ***** her out for not returning a couple hundred back to me, and that its been 2 years. I'm just waiting til the straw breaks the cammel's back. Otherwise I'm too nice to just out of the blue ask her for the money.
So I've learned my lesson with all of that. I just don't understand why women do that. I know if I had a unattractive woman in my pocket, I wouldn't use her for whatever I need. I'd either just be friends with her, or just drop her because she thinks that its going somewhere. After that I am back where I started, it was hard enough for me to give my number to her, now she just uses me. Now everytime she calls I tell her NO. Also told her that she only calls when she needs something, she just laughed and asked me for a ride I said sure, but at the last minute called her and said that I can't do it. As I said I'm back where I started, I'm depressed and lonely as hell. I know I'm nothing special to look at but my personality should over shine that right?
Anyway, I've been just burying myself with work and school, so I purposely have no time, except for myself.
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Ok you're not the one that should feel bad those chicks are idiots and should be hog tied and draged behind a truck(I never get to use the words hog tied LOL) I hate it when people take advantage of others, but I am very glad you're not allowing it anymore.....well just know that they will and do get what's coming to them.....every one of our actions causes a reaction in our lives and if we owe any debts we have no choice but to pay up. Just remember people do care about you and you're a totally awesome guy who deserves nothing but the best. HUGS :)
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not only do women take advantage of nice guys, but men take advantage of nice women. it goes both ways, but I'm glad to hear that you are taking up for yourself.
"I know if I had a unattractive woman in my pocket, I wouldn't use her for whatever I need." So if you had an attractive woman, would you use her for what you need? -
I agree with you. And it's a very interesting question you ask :)I know they are women out there that are like that. But it's not really a gender issue. They are people like that in both sides. It's great that you are standing up for yourself but don't fail to see that there exists nice women also with the same dilemma. -
Don't make people change you, Don't lose that kindness you have only cause Retarded people don't appreciate you.
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To answer your question naneenah ( I think I spelled it right) I treat every woman that I'm with like a princess. Unattractive or gorgeous they are and will be treated with the same respect. I treat people how I would like to be treated, no matter looks or ethnicity. Does that answer your question?
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make them earn your respect don't give it so easily. -
As a girl...I personally believe that a girl should not be treated like a princess unless she proves herself to be a princess...and I dont mean a spoiled brat...she needs to prove that she has class and poise. If you treat her like she belongs on a pedestal she will expect you to kiss her feet all day. Be a gentleman...not a servant. Good on you for calling her back and telling her you cant give her that ride. To be honest I was a girl in your same position...I let guys walk all over me. I treated them like kings...gave em damn near whatever they wanted from me. Then I met my husband and he told me to grow a backbone and tell him no every once in awhile...I knew at that point that I needed to hang on to him. So in reality...if you start to see a girl acting like a spoiled princess and you dont like that quality...cut em off.4 more replies -
you answered my question - thank you
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You are welcome.
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"nice" guys has kind of become a label of character that is synonymous with one with no backbone. You may characterize yourself as the real definition of nice as well as many other things like trustworthy. But in my opinion, you shouldn't characterize yourself with just the word nice, but more appropriately - "genuine".
Now coming from someone else's perspective here - A genuine guy doesn't like to be walked on, but a nice guy doesn't mind it . A genuine guy will give you his honest opinion because he's honest, but a nice guy will tell you what you want to hear, because he wants you to be comfortable. A genuine guy will do what he can to help you, but can't make promises, but a nice guy will promise you something and sacrifice everything until its fulfilled.
These are just some of my assumptions that maybe some of those girls might have had with you, and they may treat you according to what they see what a "nice" guy is. I'm not saying you are these things, you are who you are. And I don't know if you tell them you are, but if you do tell girls that you are a just a nice guy, they might, just might, prescribe to the connotations I just mentioned, and act accordingly. -
Amen dude. I completely agree with ya. Nice guys have the capacity to become genuine guys, but they gotta develop the backbone.. I was once just a 'nice' guy back in high school.. where I had no enemies, but no really good friends either.. Right now, I consider myself to be more genuine, than nice. And a very deciding factor of that.. is simply put.. you're no longer afraid to tell the world exactly what the **** is in ur head. You could give a rats *** flying ****... cuz hey, im me, and ur you, i think like me, and u think like u... it took me awhile to realize that.. but now.. getting taken advantage of never happens anymore.. I go to bed at night, falling asleep easily. :) -
I am called 'nice' and it makes me sick and I tell them so. Nice=doormat and I dont care whose feelings I hurt when saying that. Its there choice to be hurt. So dont call me 'nice' I am sick of it so **** off.2 more replies
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Those girls are *******.Forget them.Tell them you don't need them.
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I know they are *******, and I did tell them. They just don't seem to listen. Thank you for your comment shhark
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You really are unlucky.You should go over to their houses,and take back all the stuff you gave them,You should demand that you get your money back.
Those ****** should learn to get their own money instead of taking it from guys. -
well remember every lessen in life is for God and he lives in you and you would always put God first so you should consentrate on you and school and remember God sees all we do and sees only what is inside you may pass up the best women in your life just becaues she is ugly on the outside,but i am not saying you dont have to be attracted to them but if you learn to over look looks you may find one that does not use you becaues the pritty ladys always use looks to get what they want sad to say.you will find a good one soon and your never alone Gods always with you -
well i had a women i was not attracted to, and i loved her dearly she was the best thing that ever happened to me, but after 3years of not enough passion from me, she left me , i am devastated i don't i will ever find such a wonderful person again, i love her deeply , but she was pretty heavy and we didn't do more than twice a month so she left me. i hurt so bad, inever said a mean word to her about her weight, but she told me she promised herself she would never be in a passionless relationship again so i can't blame her because it is hard to fake passion if it isn't there, so love is not enough u have to have passion too, but dammit i love her and want her back i just can't describe what a wonderful person she is and how any one who meets her will truly be blessed.3 more replies -
yes ****** is the right word to use. I have already done all of that of what you said, but nothing ever happens, excuses keep coming up. Oh my son broke his finger "I don't care, all I want is my money". The more I think about it, the more I get upset, so I try not to think about it so much, but it just bothers me.
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Well now, I just stopped looking. Seems like everytime I put effort into meeting somebody, they are person I didn't want to get with. They know how I feel about them now, my feelings have been let out of the cage. They got their feelings hurt, but I don't give a **** :) Thank you for your comment and if I need someone to talk to, I will message you.
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Their is an easy answer to this one. FIND SOMEONE ELSE! .....AND GET ON WITH IT.
Fair heart never won fair lady, a very true saying. Be brave and go for it. -
Thanks for clearing that up.
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Honestly, and this might seem rude, but nice guys suck. I mean the stereotypical nice guy, who would bend over backwards for a girl, without considering himself. The kind of guy, who has no opinions or a backbone, and I have to say, you sound like one of those.
So my advice is, to keep on doing what you started, say NO. Grow a spine. Trust me, it's much more attractive, and it keeps the girls who take advantage of the spineless nice-guy a much rarer occurence. You're doing the right thing by cutting her off. Now just call her and ask for your money back. She doesn't really seem like the kind of friend you'd try to keep anyway. -
Your a drummer not a bass pla
yer. Dont be played by woman. Dont be hotel and taxi service. Thats their job. LMAO. -
Hello Cmrlj, you were right it did sound rude. But I am happy to say that I am not those type of men that cannot stand up for myself, and allow myself to get taken advantage of. I may bend over backwards for people that I care about and others can kiss my skinny white ***. People that know me, know that I have a backbone and if I am pissed you will see it.
And tengrigim, that was funny, you're right though. -
The first thing I would suggest you do is stop giving people money. Unless they're family or you know them really well (they're good for their word), don't do it. The second thing I'd suggest is don't be desperate. Desperate people are doormats and get taken for a ride.
Sit down and think about yourself for a moment. How would you like to be treated? Write these things down and make them your standards. If someone you start dating falls below these standards then they aren't for you. -
Hey guess what - not only do women take advantage of nice men,and men take advantage of nice women - women take advantage of nice women as well. People are *** holes. And I don't think nice guys suck. I think people suck. I think everyone has this part of themselves that needs the challenge, even me - and I'm a nice girl. It's difficult to find someone who won't take you for everything you're worth. And I guess it's difficult to find a balance, especially when you really care for someone and want to show them you're on their side. It's good to just sit back, enjoy some time alone, figure out the sort of person you want on your time. :)
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so nice ,so nice -
Thank you for your comment last, it means a lot to me that people took the time to read my story and comment. Thank you again.
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Hey Drummingguy....
I read an excellent book that gave me a geart deal of insight into this.
"No more Mr nice guy" by Robert A. Glover, Ph.D.
I found it on the net somewhere for free in pdf.
If not it's cheep on amazon -
I totally understand. Nice guys do finish last. Women are nice to you on the phone and say your sweet, but once they see you in person they start running because they want FABIO with Trumps Millions. Yet when they get used, then they come crying back to you. I know I have been there. They use you for what they want or THINK they want and then if they can't control you, or mold you they let you go. Or worse yet they lead you on and then drop you like a cat playing with a mouse. Make THEM prove themselves to YOU.
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Dude! Start treating woman like the ******* they are and you have more ***** than you can stick your drumstick in! Nuff said.
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it's true - women say they want Mr Sensitive - Mr. Nice Guy - but the bad boys get all the ***. Moral of this story - be yourself.
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Any smart girl would realize how lucky there are to have you---you deserve so much better...just wanted you to know.
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Thank you for saying that, that was sweet :)
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Oh, you're welcome!:) Hope you have a nice day!:)
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Actually, I think you are very normal. You say these are attractive women, and I'm guessing you are attracted to them. It seems to me that your problem is something called Limerence. You might want to look it up, because if you know what's going on in your brain, you might be better prepared to deal with it and not get taken advantage. The best tool is knowledge. You have a lot to offer someone, but getting caught in the trap of limerence, is preventing you from finding them. Good Luck!
Taphy -
Ok let me clear ip this mystery that took me until i was nearly forty to figure out. Its human nature to take advantage of others...and if you are an easy target, even your own best friend will try to. It was the hardest lesson for me, to stand up and not be pushed around. I had to dump my best friend because after years of calling the shots, i knew i could never rise up and be her equal. Also, every other friend i made after her acted so ridiculous which i see as kharma sending me more selfish people just to see if i learned my lesson. I stopped running around for my friends and the universe sent me some normal people as a reward. I was always too afraid of saying no, afraid of rejection and afraid of not being liked. The more i blew off the rude and selfish, the more they came around acting like giving friends. This amazed me! Now my best friend is someone who gives as much as she takes, but she started out as a hundred percent taker when she latched on to me. I was so fed up with people like her i out and out blew her off so much but she didnt go away. She adjusted herself to what was acceptable to ME! Stop being a sucker. Nobody will respect you for it. Consider the money you lent as a lesson learned, a cheap one really. Im out twenty thousand to an old boyfriend who promised to love me forever.
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Thank you for.all of your comments. I really appreciate them. But to Taphy I am familiar with that word, maybe I am as the word implies but not to the full extent of it. And to all who posted comments, I am a lot better now. I did a lot of soul searching and did what needed to be done and did it. I stopped being stepped on and pushed around, so I stood up and got rid of the bad people in my life. Now I'm happy and I'm moving forward. Thank you for your kind words.
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Hey there,
you sound exactly like my current partner, all his EX used to do was use him for whatever she could, she would make him feel worthless so that he would bow to her, I saw this for years and could not believe such a nice guy could go through all of this.. well something snapped and he left her.. (after she had cheated twice). We are now very happy together and i never take advantage of him, i really hope you find somone that values you and loves you enough to not do this to you... -
I can relate to the issue, as I have felt that way myself for most of my life. For me it was more of a go along with the idiots, because I didnt fell that I was had anything of my own to offer. I still am a nice guy but I also know when to draw the line and cut my losses.
I took a break from dating after being taken advantage of in my last four relationships (including my first marriage). Two of my coworkers said " we have to find a nice girl for Marty". One of them had a friend that they used to work with and they asked me if I would consider a blind date if we all went out together. Long story, short....I agreed. figuring it was only a night out, no big deal. The date hasnt ended yet....we met in 1996 and have been together ever since ( we were married in 2000).
My point is...just try to keep yourself from being taken advantage of...continue to be a nice guy (those girls that go for the bad boys have their own issues) ..and when you least expect it ...bam!!
Just keep your eyes open, be receptive and enjoy yourself.
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