I Am Lonely
I don't have any friends. Not because I didn't try, I did. But the people who are around me now are just using and abusing me. It's funny, just last month, it was my birthday. And since I've been celebrating my "friend's" b-days, I kinda had the silly thought that they would care about mine. They didn't. No one showed, no phone calls, no emails, no nothing. I spent the night alone, drinking myself into a stupor. I don't normally drink, but that stung too much.
Well, the next day, I had politely reminded them. They just shrug and said, "Oh well." as if it wasn't important. Though, these people often come to me with their crisis, asking for advice and I often drop whatever I'm doing to help them. I had thought about giving them screwed up advice, instead of the help I usually give them, you know to mess them up badly... But, it's not in me to do that. I know, I'm useless...
I could easily get rid of them... but then I'd just be alone-ALONE, if that makes sense. I have spent seven years with no one to talk to, before I met these people. And if I cut them off, I may spend seven years alone again. And I can't stand to. At least I am able to joke and talk with these people, from time to time. It's a lot better than being silent for years on end. Sometimes I think it's not better...
I just want to find my soulmate... if he does exist. I'm not so sure anymore. It's unnatural for me to be so alone, it goes against who I am, and so I'm suffering. I've tried many many many dating services. All I could find were creeps and weirdos... and the few great ones I found, they didn't want me. So, what am I suppose to do? I wish I was never born...
- Update - I had wrote this story on: December 11th, 2007 at 3:09AM, so many years ago. It's no longer valid, as I've long made some decent friends who don't treat me like crap. And I now have very best friend in the whole wide world, too. I keep this story here, to remind myself of where i once were, and in what way did I first came to this site. I don't have THE answer to this... but I do have one answer... To break the habit of bad "friendships", remember this: Beware of those who come to you, with their hands open and outstretched. Beware of those who come to you, with their hands behind their backs. Only notice those who come to you, with their hands open and to their sides. The ones with their hands open and outstretched (for things, money, advice, etc.) are only making use for what they can get from you. The ones with their hands behind their backs, not asking for anything, are holding the knife to take you down. But the ones who come to you with their hands to their sides, not asking for a thing except for friendship, and are upfront and honest... well, they are the ones to be your true friend. :-)
Also... as my best friend often says, "toss away the trash, so the good people can find you!" XD
