Chronic Loneliness

    I don't have any friends. Not because I didn't try, I did. But the people who are around me now are just using and abusing me. It's funny, just last month, it was my birthday. And since I've been celebrating my "friend's" b-days, I kinda had the silly thought that they would care about mine. They didn't. No one showed, no phone calls, no emails, no nothing. I spent the night alone, drinking myself into a stupor. I don't normally drink, but that stung too much.
   Well, the next day, I had politely reminded them. They just shrug and said, "Oh well." as if it wasn't important. Though, these people often come to me with their crisis, asking for advice and I often drop whatever I'm doing to help them. I had thought about giving them screwed up advice, instead of the help I usually give them, you know to mess them up badly... But, it's not in me to do that. I know, I'm useless...
   I could easily get rid of them... but then I'd just be alone-ALONE, if that makes sense. I have spent seven years with no one to talk to, before I met these people. And if I cut them off, I may spend seven years alone again. And I can't stand to. At least I am able to joke and talk with these people, from time to time. It's a lot better than being silent for years on end.  Sometimes I think it's not better...

    I just want to find my soulmate... if he does exist. I'm not so sure anymore. It's unnatural for me to be so alone, it goes against who I am, and so I'm suffering. I've tried many many many dating services. All I could find were creeps and weirdos... and the few great ones I found,  they didn't want me. So, what am I suppose to do? I wish I was never born...

- Update -  I had wrote this story on: December 11th, 2007 at 3:09AM, so many years ago. It's no longer valid, as I've long made some decent friends who don't treat me like crap. And I now have very best friend in the whole wide world, too. I keep this story here, to remind myself of where i once were, and in what way did I first came to this site. I don't have THE answer to this... but I do have one answer... To break the habit of bad "friendships", remember this: Beware of those who come to you, with their hands open and outstretched. Beware of those who come to you, with their hands behind their backs. Only notice those who come to you, with their hands open and to their sides. The ones with their hands open and outstretched (for things, money, advice, etc.) are only making use for what they can get from you. The ones with their hands behind their backs, not asking for anything, are holding the knife to take you down. But the ones who come to you with their hands to their sides, not asking for a thing except for friendship, and are upfront and honest... well, they are the ones to be your true friend. :-)

Also... as my best friend often says, "toss away the trash, so the good people can find you!" XD

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20 Responses Dec 11, 2007

People dont hurt you, your expectations do. It is not easy dont expect anything from anyone but if you get this, you will be more comfortable with yourself.

I am glad things are better with you. You sound like a nice person and deserve respect and love. It' funny but I used to g through the same things until I decided not to be step on and be content with myself. Whoever will like me as a friend will show me because friendship like anything else goes "both way." Right now, I am alone and do not any real friends just acquantincies that's fine. I also gave the idea of finding my soulmate being single sucks becuase this society is gear to praise people who are married. I feel single people have to be stronger than married people. I am in a stage in my life that it doesn't matter I have other interests in my life that keep me busy and less worry about finding that "special whatever" I've burn before and I will not allow any jerk man to hurt me again. I am a good person but I will not allow any man or friend hurt me again. What sustain me in this life is the faith I have in God. Now, that' the real true man. Take care.

good for you,people who dont reciprocate frienship are not worth the effort,i believe friendship is a two way street and takes a while to develop,im wary of people who want to be best buddies straight off ,usually they turn out to be drainers

I had the same problem about ten years ago. I dumped all of my friends. I found out later one ended up dead. The others I never heard from. I still regret it to this day. They may have been more like frenemies than friends but they were still there to talk to . I agree with you only because I have been through it. It is better to have loser friends than no friends. It kind of sucks because you feel desperate and not worth much because you can't find a good friend. My friends would talk behind my back, try to steal boyfriends, and compete with me but that is women for you. Most of them are caddy bi*** Let me tell you something. Real friends are like the holy grail, you aren't going to find any. I have been searching my whole life for just one and I am still alone.

You & I have alot in common. If you figure out how to have real friends PLEASE let me know. Mid February will be my B-day, I will be 50 and all my B-days have been like yours so this will probabilty be the same, although I allways make a big deal over other peoples B-days and get them gifts and have thrown parties for them, I have yet to have them recipitate on my behalf. Yes I have given a thought about ending it all, but I'd probably mess it up, and be a burden on someone else which I never want to burden anybody

what the **** are we all Just abunch of whiney ********, maybe people treat us bad for a reason. Reach out to those that deserve it,value life stop looking for a *** for tat mentatility.Stretch to be a better person read abook watch a documenatary volunteer to help thgose in need you will feel valued.Stop eating carbs.

Don't give up like that. You should never give up like that.<br />
Personally, they can't have their feet on top of your head all the time. Throw them into the garbage can. A good friend like you is almost IMPOSSIBLE to have in this heartless world. You should be more confident, you know. Be more talkative. Give yourself a good holiday. Meet more new people. Try to give them the message 'Hey, I'm not a nasty ***** so don't treat me like one'.<br />
Wish you luck finding the soulmate of your life!<br />
K. H. Todson

If they treat you like crap, then they're crap friends....stand up :)

You have to love yourself first .<BR><BR>Then you will find people who treat you as you treat yourself. .<BR><BR>It doesn't matter if you are alone for a while. <BR><BR>I had a 'friend' that did not treat me well, I refused to be treated badly and we are no longer in contact. I was upset at first and thought maybe I should contact her but I have some great friends and think now that she was never a real friend.<BR><BR>The world puts value on you that you put on yourself.<BR><BR>You HAVE to learn to love and value yourself <BR><BR>Never rely on others for your validation.<BR><BR>I too used to spend hours listening to others problems but would end up exhausted and wonder why I did it and I came to the conclusion there was large element of wanting to feel needed on my part and it was not healthy and now I will just maybe show someone they have options and leave it at that.<BR><BR>Re your birthday .. it's hard but you could have still had a special time. Bought yourself something new and seen a play or film - something to mark the occasion.<BR><BR>No one will come along and make things ok for you .. you have to change the way you think about yourself.

well, be the end, she didn't remember a lot of things... guess that's a major reason we're not together anymore. It's a shame it happened, especially the way it did, but such is life.

People that come to you sometimes forget you're not just a font of knowledge and healing.... that you have feelings and emotions as well. <br />
<br />
The Five for Fighting song "Superman" kinda always summed this one up for me... it really symbolizes that pain to me. <br />
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The birthday thing touches me because I had a similar experience. I don't usually mark my own birthdays (I don't really feel surviving another solar rotation in and of itself warrants celebration), but I did want to mark my thirtieth. It was kinda a benchmark thing.... when I was in high school, I had set certain goals for myself, the kind you set when you have no idea how the world really works. So, needless to say, a good number of them I had missed. I felt, however, that I had "in a loving supportive relationship" down though, and took the day off from work to spend with my girlfriend.... who never even realized it was my birthday. Sigh. <br />
<br />
You will not be alone on your birthday this year, if I have any say in things.

thank you. You are nice, too. :)

:) You're welcome ;)

haha, I'm good at teasing you :P and making arguments, don't forget it :D

hey... just keep teasing...... :), ok... don't worry... I am known among my friends...

whoops. Forgot it. I thought almost everybody knew your name... :D you aren't so well-known here ? :)

Sofia, that's me.... nicerain... how can Shadow27 know my name?

If I was there with you, I'd hug you. ;) <br />
You're not useless. You've got a good soul- it's not your fault you have such bad friends. I know it's hard, but next time they want sth from you, just say politely "I'm sorry, but I can't" even though you can.<br />
And I agree with Sofia here, most soulmates do come accidentally :)

you are not useless.... yeah, it's sad when you have lots of "friends" only when they need something of you. <br />
<br />
<br />
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I had empty space in my heart, until I found a guy here, I can say accidentally, from that time I am happier than ever, although we can see each other only through internet., coz he lives in other continent than me....<br />
<br />
Just be patient, don't look for ... when you are looking for your second part of you at all costs, you never find it...<br />
<br />
Your soulmate will come accidentally, just like mine.

You should shift them from your friends to your acquaints.<br />
You don't have to drop them from you life but you should drop users and abusers from the so called friend list.<br />
If a person has one real friend they are blessed.