Worst Feeling

The me the worst feeling in the world to feel is lonely. Ive probably been lonely most of my life but Ive had lots of distractions and people around to make me feel as though I wasnt. I had a really bad childhood and married the first guy that I thought loved me to get away from the house. Then, after 13 yrs and 2 kids later, I found out he had cheated the whole time. After marriage ended I had no home, no job.. nothing. Moved back to hometown..closer to my mom, whom was my bestfriend. She got killed in car wreck soon after. Got in unhealthy relationship with a guy who turned out to be an addict. After that ended, I had 2 preteens to raise and working to put food on the table. My x abandoned the kids and they have been self destructive and depressed ever since. My daughter got pg @ 16..then was diagnosed BP and abandoned the baby. My son became an alcoholic and after college joined service, went to Iraq. Came back mentally in capable of living in society @ 21 and under treatment of psych. Cant hold a job and using drugs when he can. Aside from all that, I want to be happy. I actively try. Ive been in a 10 yr relationship that I believe is ending. He ignores me, hardly ever talks to me..doesnt kiss me touch me etc unless he wants something which is rare. He's a workaholic and when not he's drinking or talking to friends.I feel so alone. I have a few friends but none can relate or understand.Im not sure if it's me, or he just wants out and doesnt say.. Ya Im alone and lonely..have been most of my life.. Im so tired of it..Ive became dependant on food for comfort which has ruined my self esteem.. Im stuck and isolated. Anyone care ?
jblackwood jblackwood
41-45
2 Responses Jul 10, 2010

i'm kinda young and inexperienced but i'll let you know that it sounds painful and I also hate loneliness. it doesn't matter what age, but it can affect anyone. well, you don't have to listen to what I'm about to write but, I think as for the guy you're dating at the moment. 10 yrs is quite a long time. I believe all women should have a maximum time limit of 5yrs. others are harsher and say it should be two years. believe it or not, I know I'm right on this but: End it. that guy's not satisfying you. so dump him. why would you want to stay in a relationship that won't make you happy and make you feel lonely? believe it or not, you're a beautiful woman. every one of us is. that's why we're here. we're made uniquely. <br />
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as for being happy. you have to start from the bottom. list things that can make you happy. you have to be happy first before you can help those around you that you care for. try to do things that will make you feel like a million bucks. go to a spa, excercise, eat your favourite food. every little bit of good thing counts. listen to your favourite music if you like, and if you want, on repeat. who cares what others think? the happier you are, the better things around you will be. always do your best. change the things that make you sad. if you have any previous items that remind you of sad things, stash it away. get rid of the clutter. dump that bf of yours that don't do anything. <br />
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men are partners, not accessories, not someone to 100% lean on. only 50%. because the other 50% should be your own two feet. <br />
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gather any family members nearby who you get along with. Make new friends either from work, chat rooms, etc. gather resources that will make you happy, feel better of yourself. the main thing is think as positive as you can. not to the point of ignorance. but to the point that you can feel better. <br />
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i hope this helps you a little bit. i may be a bit young, i dont know everything. but i know the very littlest of basics. i hope this will help. gl, and if you need cheering up, we're all here.

You have been through so many difficult situation. It's a shame you have no one to talk to.<br />
I am here if you would like someone to talk with..