I've Felt This Way Many Times

But there are times when I wonder about all those people who don't have access to the internet, or who don't have the time to post on a site such as this one. What is life like for them? How are they coping today? What are they feeling?

I have friends and family, but still, I can feel lonely. When I didn't have "real friends," I felt lonely, as can only be expected. And now? I have great friends, although I don't know if I would disclose my deepest thoughts to them (well, there have been occasions, but I don't really talk about things like that with anyone) and I suppose I'm feeling okay about life and all, but get this - corny as it sounds, I still feel as though no-one really understands me, or ever will. Perhaps I'm just being difficult. Or maybe I think too much.

When I've been depressed, the loneliness would get really bad at night. So much so that I would be unable to sleep some nights. At the moment, I'm okay. There may be some degree of feeling separate (the whole "on the outside looking in through the glass" stuff), but that's always been there somewhere. As long as I don't dwell on it, it's fine.
ForestSong ForestSong
18-21, F
1 Response Jul 10, 2010

Can totally empathise with you on this one, I wouldnt go as far to say ive ever been literally depressed, but even at such a young age ive felt as helplessly alone as you have described, mostly when i was around fourteen, like you .. i had an OK circle of friends, i wouldnt call them 'great' or anything special to be honest, just so .. and I don't know, there was just something about my life at that point that made me feel detatched. I could join in any "game" or task at school and out with friends etc, but at the end of the day .. like you said, usually at night, it crept up on me .. and I was reminded of the 'hole' i felt that i for some reason had within myself. Now, even moreso recently, I've lost the helplessness, not completely .. but im much much better, I now have what i wouldnt hesitate to call an AMAZING group of friends, who i trust very very very very much and love dearly, but still i can relate to you when you say "although I don't know if I would disclose my deepest thoughts to them" I feel the exact same, and I feel this because to me, (which will probably differ from you) I feel that some things are to be kept within ones self, and to never be revealed, unless completely nessicary. It may sound slightly stupid, but thats my belief, i think that everyone has their 'secrets' the things that they like to keep for themselves. And also, I feel that everyone, in some way or another feels an amount of loneliness from time to time, because .. ask yourself this .. Who do any of us really have in this world? and Whats stopping these people from turning on us and betraying us? Its these thoughts that you try not to 'dwell on'. But I feel that if you let them out for a while, still within the confines of your own mind, but just let them roam and 'mingle' if you like with your other thoughts, dont be scared of getting back to your older ways, just see if it helps you .. i know it has done me, being open with yourself, especially at times when you cannot be so with anyone else. <br />
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Hope this helps you - All the best,<br />
CC<br />