Should I Take A Chance On Him?

Okay, it has been around 2 years since I've last had physical contact with a guy. It's upsetting and I can get pretty lonely. There's this guy I know. We've been good friends in the past, although we don't hang out as much anymore even though I see him often. He's one of my brother's friends. I had dated one of my brother's friends before and it didn't go too well between me and him so I've been hesitant to ever date any other of his friends. Anyway, this guy,  I know that he likes me and has for awhile. I know that he could offer me what I'd want in a relationship and that's mostly why I'd want to be with him. But, he's not really attractive and I'm not sure if what I want right now is a relationship. I should be moving in about a month and the relationship wouldn't be able to continue, so I was considering a short, silent relationship that wasn't serious and more sexual - just for fun. You see, there'd be lots of talk / drama if people were to see us together and I like to avoid being the centre of people's conversation, so any relationship we had would have to be secret.

I'm also kind of shy and unsocial, especially around guys that I'm even a little bit interested in. I don't know how to go about initiating anything sexual without it feeling awkward, since we've always just been friends. Plus it is hard to flirt when there's always people around. I also don't want him liking me more than I like him and not only our relationship failing but our friendship along with it. Sometime I think that the only reason I am considering him is because I am lonely and simply want SOMEBODY. What do you think I should do about this?
CourtGatekeeper CourtGatekeeper
18-21, F
5 Responses Jul 13, 2010

Agreed you do that!

Thank you PR! That is really good advice. I think I will just focus on having fun and maybe a guy will surface his interest in me if I stop worrying about it. :] I don't think that this guy is really right for me. Because I just feel awkward being around him and I dont want it to feel like that. I want our connection to be natural not worked at.

I gues if you want to use the guy just for temperarly pleasure then that is fine. I did the same thing.. But what i figured out that after a while you want to have more out of it, And you realise he isnt the guy for you. And i felt like i was using him like a toy. I felt really bad. So i gues i am saying you just should have patient. And i can say from my own experience if you dont look for a guy he will find you. I promiss you he will. Just in mean time you just do fun things. Enjoy life cause once u commited you have to invest time in your relationship. Just be free..

Thank you Desz. I appreciate you sharing your personal story on the subject. I guess I didn't look at it that in depth from his point of view and that could very well happen in my situation also. I don't think I'd want to do that to him but I don't think I can have serious feelings for him. Maybe I shouldn't be so selfish as to want only something temporary and sexual. Although I wouldn't ONLY want it to be sexual. I'd want a friend in him too.

I think that it is between the two of you if you want to have a relationship based only on sex. I will add that although one or both of you might think you can handle it, chances are someone is going to become seriously attached and then this will lead to severe heart ache. I know because I am in a similar situation. My ex girlfriend and I had a seven month relationship then a nasty breakup. We have been a non-couple for 8 months now yet we have become pretty good friends and we date occasionally. She has made it clear that I must be patient cause I hurt her so bad. She has also made it clear she is not currently seeing anyone else, but she is still listed as single on dating web sites and Face book. And she is open to going out with others that might interest her. During the past 3 months, my ex and I have been intimate, shared deep emotional stories and done all the things that exclusive couples do---other than actually become exclusive. I am not interested in dating others like she is because I love her and want to be with her. Therefore, I hurt but I believe she is worth it so I made the choice to enter into this type of relationship. It is not fun, nor easy and I am concerned that if you enter into a secretive relationship (like mine is for example, many of her friends don't know about us and her kids don't and she jokingly tells some people we see in public we're not a couple) someone is going to get hurt and the friendship will never be the same. Juggling emotions is a serious matter not to be taken lightly. Hope this helps.