What Now?

Wow, where to begin. I married at age 19 (way too young!) and realized some years later that it was to escape my parents. By then I had children and have felt obligated to remain married for the family. Now 40 years later I definitely feel trapped. I belong to a religion which frowns greatly on divorce. It would cause embarrassment for my children and grandchildren. Just not sure where or what to do. At one time I know I loved my husband but the biggest hurdle I have encountered is that I lost respect for my husband many years ago. He is a weak person and have found he relies on me to take care of all and any problems that arise. He has never protected me from his father's abusive behavior towards me and has never confronted his father about the many problems he has caused in the family. I realized his father is narcissistic and feels everything he does or says is right and everyone else is lying. When you've lost respect for your spouse, where do you go? I've tried to regain it many times but just about when I think I'm there, he does (or actually doesn't) something that sets me back again. I am definitely not perfect but continue to ask myself, "what am I doing here?"
To address some of the info that I left out; all of my children are grown, married and have their own wee ones. I find my "pity party" begins with too much free time. :)
roommateonly roommateonly
56-60, F
6 Responses Jul 16, 2010

Your husband maybe weak, but I think you are also weak. Your not brave enough to live your own life. And the excuse of embarraseing your children and grand kids is very weak. They will get over it. YOU DO WHAT YOU NEED TO DO, THINK OF YOURSELF FIRST FOR A CHANGE.

P.S. - If you've been this unhappy for that long. I've got news for you your kids already know about it and may very we;; be hoping for you to leave and become a happy mother.

It seems to me that you have the choice to stay unhappy asking yourself what life would be if you left, you have probably asked yourself this question many times during all those years. The other option would in short terms be hard and painful, but when the pain is over and the scars starts to heal, do you think you would regret anything?<br />
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One of my best friends mothers, he is now 40, told him when he was 18 that she was considering divorcing his father. His reply was "go for it mom!". According to him it was the best thing that ever happened to his family, his mom became calmer healthier and more at peace. His father shortly remarried. <br />
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Anyway, you have a though decision ahead of you! Good luck whatever you choose to do!

Life is short...for everyone. It is not too late to do something about your situation. Have you spoken with your spouse about these issues? Let honesty and courage take your through these trials. No one is beyond criticism or flaw. Every human being is exactly a human being...just like you. Speak up to those that influence your life, for better or worse. Make sure your voice is heard.

Let me ask you how old are your children? are they able to realize that their mom is not happy and cant live a life with no connection to her husband? I think that having problems within a family b/w a husband and a wife will impact children in an obvious or subliminal level, but in any way. I suggest trying to find a place (separate and securE) from your husband, and move there with your children. Of course, you should talk to your husband about you being dissatisfied with life, relationships, and other things. This talk or if you have multiple that even better will prepare him emotionally for you obsession of having a normal life with being him NOT there.another way is to hire a lawyer. but this way will be not necessary of only he accepts the idea that you are fed up with him being a bad husband, and even being abusive( that is really over the limit) and decided to move on to start your own life with your lovely children.Best to you! God wills you will find a way!

Always remember... Sometimes staying married is not the best option for your kids. Don't let them grow up thinking that being weak is the way a man should be. D: Whatever your instincts are telling you to do, you should do.<br />
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Good luck~

I know this is the question of the day...have you tried counselling? It might help you to put things down on paper. <br />
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I do think that you realize that now that the kids are part of your family that you would be causing them a great deal of pain.<br />
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Be kind to yourself, It sounds like he had no background to draw from in order to even deal with his problems. Therefore, you were an answer to his prayers.<br />
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I would take stock of your situation by going to counselling to sort things out.<br />
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Good luck - God bless.