Loneliness

My family left the city a few weeks ago and won't be coming back until mid August. I was coping with being on my own just fine. Specially since I (ignorant me) allowed someone back into my life that I shouldn't have. This person told me that he couldn't give me a "relationship" but a friendship instead. Right, the type of friendship where two people cross the borders of intimacy? I see...so "friends with benefits?" I asked, but the answer was "NO". This man, whom had walked away from my life many times, did so yet again. Not even 3 weeks from welcoming him back and giving him another chance. He left me in the park by myself. I was left broken, I felt like a puppy looking back if he would return. He didn't. I wanted to explode in tears, I couldn't contain my emotions, the tears still ran down my face. People looked at me, some with an air of "i cannot believe that he would do something like that" while others seemed to smirk.
I feel lonely. My friends are gone, and I have no one to talk to. I drown in self despair but at least my loyal dog keeps me some company. I'm broken.
thanatophobic thanatophobic
22-25, F
6 Responses Jul 18, 2010

Thank you so much! =D

@Running; Thank you so much. You made me think a lot and realize even more. I thought that because he was a good person (helpful, loyal, and kind) to others, that he would be the same with me. However, maybe he is like that to the people he only truly cares for, and he doesn't care enough about me. Otherwise, he would've stayed, would not have walked away and held my hand through my worst time. Although a part of me DOES misses him, I know that in order for me to heal completely as a human being I have to let him go. <br />
<br />
I really appreciate your comment, thank you once again!

I know some would think to blame you for allowing him back again, but I have known enough people like him - male and female - to know that they seem to have been born with an ability to make you forget.<br />
He is the one who is failing. He cannot find what he needs, and keeps coming back to where he knows he wont' find it. The fact that he knowingly puts you through this again, ignoring the pain it puts you through, is probably WHY he cannot find what he needs. He lacks the compassion for others' feelings that would make a real relationship possible.<br />
<br />
Sit quietly for a moment, and realize that you have done nothing wrong and that the problem is not in you, but in his inability to grasp the meaning of compassion. It might even make you feel better to pity him for what he cannot grasp, and to remind yourself that the pain you feel now proves that you Do understand it. And knowing that you have it proves that there is hope you will find someone with whom to share it.

@ Tuva: Thank you Tuva darling! It just that sometimes I get to a point where I feel like a drag. Where I pull people down even more, and I don't want to do that to you, especially since that very special day is around the corner. <br />
<br />
@Liz: Thank you so much for your understanding. I do hope that time heals, although right now I have become cynical that I think that time doesn't heal anything, but it only teaches us how to deal with pain.

This is a horrible way to be treated. You deserve better and never let this man do this to you again no matter how lonely you get. You were fine before he came back into your life and you will be better with him out of your life. I know this has caused you a lot of heart ache that only time will heal.

I'm sorry that you're in such a dark and lonely place right now. Having no one to confide in or be there to listen to you when you're hurting the most makes the lonliness even greater. I'm always here to listen, even though I know it is a small consolation.