Its Lonely Here In This Closet :(

I just feel like there is absolutly no one i can turn to. I feel completly closeted and i just wanna get out. I just wanna tell everyone that i am a lesbian, but i guess the fear of rejection is holding me back. I wanna come out and get a girlfriend. I feel i have so much love to share and i wanna find that special girl. I just wanna express all of my emotions that i have bottled up inside of me , but they have been bottled up for so long I dont think i can let them go.

I constanly see couples on the street, holding hands, kissing, cuddleing, and just looking so happy. I WANT THAT! Is that to much to ask? I feel like I have been waiting forever for that person, that someone, that SOULMATE.

Sure on the outside im this happy, funny, loveable, STRAIGHT, girl. ... but on the inside... its just me and my thoughts. The REAL me. And its very lonely. Sort of like im in a dark room of solitude, with no one to listen and understand. No one to hold.... no one to just be there for me.

anyways ... thats just whats on my mind right now.
Astory4supper Astory4supper
22-25, F
15 Responses Jul 24, 2010

It might sound strange to you but i think i can understand and feel what you are feeling. i am a transsexual but i don't like men, although (and i am not bragging, just trying to state the facts) but many men seem to find me attractive and would want me for their girlfriend and even wife. the funny thing is they are usually straight men sometimes bi but not too many gay. I have always liked women but it always seems with a straight woman we at best become just like two girlfriends. just recently i met a woman( i was dressed as a male) had lunch and got along great, when i told her i had feelings for her she just laughed and said she thought of me as a girlfriend and wanted to do girly things with me. we are good friends. When i said something to her about all the men who have been asking me out she said something about changing teams. sorry i did not mean for this to get so long. I have had bi and lesbian lovers but i think it is difficult for them, and creates internal conflict when they see me as male. to sum up i hope you find who you are looking for, i hope i find someone too.( By the way Ep had suggested we might make good friends if you are wondering how i found you.) Maybe you have already found your soul-mate if not i do hope you find her.

I believe this was like one of my first stories....<br />
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And many many things have changed since then for the better :) Just hang in there and stay optimistic, things do get better.

I am in the exact same shoes as you. When i read your post emotions came running to the surface....

I am in the exact same shoes as you. When i read your post emotions came running to the surface....

haii, its okay, if thats what chu wanna do then why not??<br />
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I am lesbian and have a beautiful partner, weve been together 6 years and are having another baby using a donor.<br />
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I understand how you must feel, i didnt come out to my close family and friends untill i was in my twenties, though most people thought i was bi hmm...<br />
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anyways, if you ever wanna talk or wtvr am here :)<br />
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<3 tink <3

I understand how you feel...my gf and I have been together (on and off) for almost 2 years and our families still dont know..most of our close friends do, but still in public we have to act like we really arent together....itd be nice to talk to u more..message me anytime:)

My married daughter felt the same way. I'm sure she thought a long time before telling me. I'm so thankfull she trusted me enough to be open with me about her preferances. In the end with parents it's who you are with we want to know about as well as to share our holidays with the people who matter most to you.

I can kind of understand your situation and I know how much it sucks... <br />
What I did, is that I told my bestfirends, and I mean really, my best friends that I know won't tell anyone else and that was a big step. and it really helped, b/c I wasn't sure if they would accept me and them accepting me already helped. I havn't told anyone else yet and yeah, it kind of sucks, but knowing that I still would have my best friends if I would ever come out and be left by the rest of the world really, really helps!

the ones who except you are your true friends...... coming out was the best thing i ever did. and actually brought me closer to my friends, and the experiences i have had will only get better. just say to ur self ..... *** IT!

ok, just read the part "I just wanna tell everyone that i am a lesbian, but i guess the fear of rejection is holding me back." and girl, I've meet more people rejected for not liking gay people, than for being gay, so, relax, and stop breaking straigth guy's hearts, and be happy

if u want someone to talk to you can always message me :), btw im new to this website so i dont really know how the chat thing works

i feel the same, ive been like that all 18 years of my life

I feel for you and I can relate to you, I am myself a closet lesbian.. I was so scared of thease feelings that I had to hide in the closet. Others should accept you for you, a unique person that has feelings . What made me more comfort in my skin, I had some friends who went through the same thing that I am. I was so shock on how much I can relate to them. They are helping me do baby steps..<br />
Let help each other accept ourselves....:)

thank you all for your comments :) they really helped alot :)

be yourself! if people dont acept you, tell them you are who you are, an no one will ever change that... when i came out, i told my friends, there jaws droped... but they acepeted me for it... telling your friends and family is easy, telling yourself is the hard part. once you tell yourself you can do it, you can be who you are.. you are redy.... besideds, dose it matter who you love...? who can tell you what you feel except you... just tell them, everything will be ok.. if you ever need someone to talk to, im happy to listen... :)