Feel Completely Unloved & Unwanted

I feel so alone in my life. Every woman that has come into my life has just served to make it more depressing. My most recent ex-gf (and current housemate) is now dating the guitar player in my band (well, now former band). She and I have lived together for about 6 years and dated for 3 of those. We, of course, were best friends and did just about everything together even when we werent a couple. Last weekend I was going up to my guitarist's house to work on some stuff and cook out. She asked if she could come with, since she had paperwork to do and also wanted to hang out. We all had a great day at his house. Then she and I get home and she drops a bomb on me. She tells me that she and him decided to date. I feel very hurt by this since neither of them had the respect to give me a "heads up" about it. I know she is allowed to date whoever she wants but why did she have to pick someone that I'm trying to create music with? She is not a mean-spirited person so I know she isnt trying to deliberately upset me. Regardless of what her intentions are, it still hurts very bad. I've been fighting with depression my whole life and this has sent me into a deep dark episode. I told her that I cant be her friend, at least for a long time and she understands this. She see's what this is doing to me and it seems as if she doesnt care. She has seen him the past 5 days in a row. She even slept at his house the past 2 nights. I've been going out and doing a lot of drugs to try to give myself some kind of relief. I feel ok while im out until i get back to the house and cant divert my attention from the matter. It hurts me so much that she still is choosing her little fling with a guy she barely knows over our long-standing best friendship.

This is indicative of how my life is. I trust people and let them in and they just destroy me. Im 25 and basically my whole life I've constantly felt immensely inadequate and doubted whether anyone truly cares about me. I have no contact with my family that abandoned me. The few friends i do have all tell me to just get out there because I am a good looking guy and I have a genuinely good soul. This doesnt really help since I freeze up in social situations, which has made being a musician all but impossible. Most times I just want someone to sit and talk with me. Maybe even just watch a movie and pass out on the couch together. This seems like a ridiculous notion given the fact that no one has shown any interest in me in the past 4 years other than this recent girl who was with me out of convenience it seems.
lonelymusic lonelymusic
22-25, M
1 Response Jul 24, 2010

Here's some advice from an old fart. I'm 44 and look back on my life thinking one thing. If I had it to do over again, I'd ask more girls out. I was petrified of rejection. I dated girls but only asked someone out if I was pretty sure she would say yes. But I feel I missed a lot of opportunities by not taking risks.<br />
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That said, I also passed up some wonderful people. When you're young, you look for sexy, beautiful people. Pretty people. It's natural. As you get older you see beauty in things you may have overlooked in your youth. Suddenly the genuine spirit of a person make them beautiful to you. Don't over look those who care for you. Having someone truly care is worth a lot.<br />
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You're young. You're a musician so find your solace there and use that. But when it comes to women, they are often just as insecure and scared as you are. I recently dated a girl I knew in high school. I always thought she was fairly popular. She was always outgoing, involved in school and just seemed connected. She told me high school was some of the most traumatic times of her life. She was picked on by girls and was never happy. I was blown away!<br />
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My point is, we all have insecurities. And those who we think are so together may be looking for someone to sit on the couch with.